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My Name is Denny Ray Hines Jr. an this is the story of my life. I was born 1983 in Jackson Tennessee to my Fother Denny and my Mother Peggy. Even at berth I had to fight you see I was a premacher berth I was to small I came In to this world to soon. At the age of three my Father was put in prison for molesting my two older sister's I have four sister's in all. My two older sister's are my halfe blood sister's we have the same Mother but not the same Fother and my two younger sister's an I are full blood but full blood or not I dont care all four of them are my sister's and I would give my life to keep them safe they mean more to me then I could ever tell them In word's you see I blam my self for not being able to keep my father from doing what he did to my two older sister's even tho I was only three year's old at the time an could not have done any thing to stop him I still Hate my self for it. All this year's an this is the only time I have told any one about how I feel an how all the year's that I have lived In his home after he got out of prison that I came close to putting a blade In him Jut to make him pay for what he did to them but I never fond the stranth to kill him I was to week hearted to do it I still want to kill him. My Mother was not taking good care of my sister's an my self so the State tolk us from her i was still three at the time. My two older sisther's where put in to a fosther home togetter an my two younger sister's where put in a defrent one I was sent to a boy's home for a time then sent from fosther home to fosther home I was alone an had no one in my life to talk to about any thing no friend's no famly I had no one I did not talk much. I was moved from place to place I never staed any where very long it was a lonly way to grow up I did see my sister's from time to time but I never got to close to any of them for a long time I never new when I would see them agen.The state kept moving me from one place to the next I cant even think of all of them any more there where to many an there was a lot of abuse I cant even think of when the ferst time was I was to young. I was betten an raped a lot there was a lot of menttel abuse to if any one looked at me they could see I was brokin in side from all of it but no one did any thing to stop any of it. It got so that I would not talk at all and I dont think any one saw it in me if they did no one did any thing to help. I dont know when I started to have probblem's with my memmory but some of my past is a blank to me it's like evry day for many year's is just gone I fragment's of thing's from my past as I sleep some time's. I wake up with cold an out of breth with swet poring out of me all most every night now and Last night was a bad one I woke same as befor but this time I was gaging and could not get get my breth for a long time my bed was soking wet from my swet an I just ketp gaging an could not stand up I vomited on the floor where I fell when I tryed to stand to go to the bathroom I just lade there gaging an vomting over an over tell I had nothing left that would come up I lade there shaking an crying for a long time an just could not move. I cant rember all of my nigthmar but I can rember some and it was from my past it was a bad betting and a bad rape i just rember pice's of it i was very young at the time an was betten to the pont that it hurt to move the man that did it to me put him self in my moth an i was gaging for air i after a time I past out an that was when I woke up it was some thing i did not rember from my past i know i was raped but after last night I think there may be some time's that it hapend that i cant rember had hapend to me I know that that one did hapen to me after the nigthmar I got more I got pice's of memmory from it the nigthmar opend my mind to a rape that i think i barred deep in me from when i was a young kid. Some things I dont want to rember from my past. I know of 7 rape's that all hapend as I was a teen and young adult and I know there was a lot more as a young kind I just dont rember the one's when I was a kid I mean I know they hapend to me but I cant rember them or how many time's. It is hard some time's not being able to rember your childhood all I do rember are just pice's of a very big puzzle in my mind that to many pice's are missing from.

As I got older an was living with my Step Mother the two boy's from next door would steel the few toy's I had at the time an would pick fight's with me i dd not know how to fight yet and did not want to fight back so they kept on beating me up as did the two boy's that belonged to my babby sitter at the time. One of my babby sitters boy's came in to the room with me befor his mom got up an he made me give him a blow job an he got in the bed with me an made raped me by this time I had been raped a lot an I was to young I was thinking it was ok that all the grown up's did it with the kid's so some of the older kid's did it to. a small time befor that I was at a foster home my foster mom left me with a man that was to be my baby sitter when she was out well that night he came in my room an got in bed with me he went down on me an gave me a blow job then made me give him one he after he had me lay on my front an he fucked me that went on for about a year then i went to be with my step mom after a time she put me in juvi she sead she could not handle me it was not me but her she did not know how to take care of a kid she did not even know the first thing about taking care of a kid. well when I was in juvi i got beat up a first an raped but a guy felt bad for me an thank's to him I was able to fight back but I did not when all the time an I was beat up by a grup of guy's one day they all left me on the floor past out but one came back an I woke up to find him fucking me i never told any one about it in juvi that's not some thing you like to get out to the other's. When I got out on a weekend pass to my step mom's home that night we where in her room she was tickling me an her hand slid in my short's she did not mean to put her hand there but when it was there she did not move it a way she pulled my short's down an started to play with me I dont know why but I just fros an did not move I did not fight her I did not know what to say. She mad me lick on her an sock her tit's an I did as she told me to I dont know why I did not figth it i still hate her for it part of me I think was ashamed to say any thing to make her stop.I never told any ont about that time well all most no one I tryed to tell my x wife Rachel but I could not find the word's to tell her any thing I got out that I had been raped but how do you tell the women you love that your life has been nothing but rape after rape an that the last rape was just a few mouth's befor when your the one that is the strong one in her eye's I did not want her to think less of me not just the fact that i was ashamed about the rape's but the fact that I lide to her about my past an never told her about the rape's an the fact that I was some what bi an was figthing the truth of it an could not admit it to my self.

one had hurt me be for an I siad yes an she huged me more an told me some one had hurt her to at one time she told me to all way's be strong an never give in to the pine then she tryed to kissme agen an I just sat there she asked if i new how to kiss an i told her no she showed me how an I have to say I had fun that night all we did was talk an kiss but she made me feel safe an Ill never forget that it was just more then my first kiss it was the first time I ever felt safe with any one holding me to them. funny how life work's some time's you find hope in some one's arm's an kindness in the kiss.

Sham can kill a man in side it did me for a long time i lost the wome I loved an are little girl and baby boy do to sham. you see I got depreson very badly an lost control over my feeling and siad an did some thing's that I never meant to she has never forgiven me an I dont blam her. I never hit her for that I am thankfull but I did friten her an it cost me all I had ever heald close to my heart it cost me my kid's my wife an the only frind I have ever had in my life 8 long year's have come to pass an I have finaly came to pice with the fact that im bi an I have found that a lot of other's that know me are ok with it. The fear of evry one hating me for being bi has cost me more then I ever would have beleved im still alone in my life but at long last i have found some pice in my self an i have started to put all my past that I can down for all to see an so my famly know the pain I have lived an so they know me better and hopfull love me for me.

My step mom meet my dad when he was in prison he had put a add in the paper an she went to see him that is how she found out about me an she started to try and get me from the State of Tennessee. When my step mom did get me from the State I was to young to know better yet but she won me over with nice word's an toy's so when the jugd asked if I wanted to live with my soon to be step mom I told the jugd yes that was one of the worst misstake's I have ever made in my life she used to beat me with a broom and a yard stick you know one of the long ruler's an it was not one of the thin one's it was a inche thick an hurt like hell and she did not care where she hit me as long as she hit. S he left my leg's,but,back,and arm's black an blue most of the time I was with her an she would some time's sit on me to keep me from runing from her I told her a few time's that i could not breth an she would keep siting on me an say that I could breth and to stop trying to get a way from her yeh right like im going to lay there an let her beat me black an blue and when I told her fat ass I could not breth I was close to passing out I was not a big kid an I did not put on mass untell I got older I was a small kid and I did pass out a few time's she did it to me. Well one day the school srink had seen one of the mark's on me an he called me and the head of the school in to his office and had me strip down so they colud see all the mark's on my body they asked me about them an I told them the truth of how I got them they talked with me for a time and tolk some pic's of the mark's then sent me back to class. After School and I had gotten home the school shrink came over and had a long talk with my step mom he told her if ever lade one more hand on me that he would have here ass in jail for child abuse I have to say that made me very happy to hear I was so sick of getting beaten for the hell of it. We would go see my dad on the week end an she would tell him how I was a bad little boy an would not mind her an then he would get on to me the sad part was i was being good i just was not what she wanted me to be and that was a kid that did any an all that she wanted me to she was trying to make me in to a little robot kid that had no say in any thing just do as im told when im told I say fuck that I have a mind an I use it. My dad hell my dad was and is a stuck up ass hole evry thing his way or no way even when I would see him on the week end's when he was in prison frist thing he would do give me his deck of card's an tell me to shut up an sit there I could not talk at all that is why I dont spek much at all. I never got to ask my dad any thing about his life or got to know any of my dad's famly i have meet a few of them but dont even know there name's. My step mom sent me to a juvi siad she could not control me that i was out of hand I would like to know how I was out of hand I had no friend I could not go any where do any thing at all and I never talked to any one I just sat in my little place I made in the tree's at the back of the yard by my self an played with toy's I made out of stick's the few toy's I did have were stole by the two boy's that lived above us in the uper part of the house they were mean little shit's and got a way with every thing they did part of the time they would say I did it. The two boy's would make fun of me just so they could have a good time. One night they had some frien's over an I was in my spot in the tree's keeping to my self they sent one of the two girl's in to mess with me as they got a jock out of it the I had never been with a gril an had never talked to one so i just sat there looking at all of them behind the tree's as they wached the show the girl started by trying to talk to me some i did not speak unless she asked me some thing and I would tell her I new it was just a game to all of them but I did nothing but sit there on my log as she talked an then she tryed to kiss me an i did nothing i just sat there i did not try to kiss her back or say any thing I just sat there looking strat at the tree's an was thinking of not moveing like a scared mouse thinking dont move an the cat wont see you an eat you any way she looked at me an I think she saw how scared I was she left the tree's an told the other's some thing and they all went to god know's were she staed an came back to me she put her are around me an huged me an told me she would not hurt me she asked me a few thing's one was if some

Well thank's to my step mom I found my self in juvi an for a kid that do's not talk of fight it is not a good place to be the first few day's i was beat up an picked on by to brothers by the name's of Michael an josoph an I still think that it is messed up that the two in juvi that messed with me an the two brother's that picked on me that lived upstars were my step mom lived had the same name's talk about ironic. Any way the two in juvi would pick on me an beat me up an i would not even try to fight back but one day the overseer's little girl was looking at me when they beat me up she asked her dad to talk to me about why I would not fight back an he did talk to I just told him I did not now how to. that night one of the other guy's in the room i was in came up to me an told me that the overseer's girl had asked him to help me learn to fight we worked on it for a few week's an in that time i was geting better at it but i still did not fight the two brother's back but one day the overseer's girl had a softball game that we all went to an the brother's started to beat me up she was looking at us an that was what i wanted I let them get the first few hit's in then I beat the hell out of both of them at the same time I wanted her to know that she did not need to worry about me any more that I was able to fight back an not let the other's pick on me any more an that her caring about me gave me the will I needed to fight back. I got sent to a new juvi place and the two brother's were all ready there an as soon as they saw me they started getting the word out about how I beat both of them at one time not just tolk them on that on time but how they got there but's kided over an over for three week's strat by me after the first fight at the softball game. They biult up a nice rep for me an we became friend's I still had to fight from time to time but that was ok I kind of liked it an was geting good at it the best thing I had going was that Icould take a hit and keep coming an I never stoped fighting tell I won or could not get up.That's how I met a guy that told me I should fight for money an he could spot me the money for my first fight when I was in juvi the fight's were not some thing that the staf would ever admit to knowing any thing about but I saw a few of them there from time to time puting in there bet's an making some mony just like they did not know any thing about paying some of the girl's in the place for sex I saw a lot of thing's that did not happen if you ask them about it. Any way yeh the juvi i was in was a coed place and we were able to walk the campus freely but we could not go off grond's an we colud not go to the girl's side as they could not come to the guy side but we could meet in the middle an hang out, make out ,an even snek off for some sex but we all had to be back in dorm's at 9:00pm we would snek out after about 10:00 after the dorm parent would make there rond's an look in on all of us an we would go to the fight's an get with girl's for some play time I was seeing a girl at the time but still had not had sex with her she liked that I was not in rush like most of the guy's that would try an get in the girl's pant's the same night that they would meet them. It's funny I had better friend's In juvi then I have ever had out of juvi we looked out for all are friend's and we never turnd are back on them or tolk side's if two of them got in to it we let them sort it out.



Well after I got sent to yet anther juvi place I started to get week end pass's to go home to my step mom that was when she started to play around with me an evry thing in my past came back out an I stoped talking to any one agen she had me every other week end and I never told any one what she was having me do with her in her bedroom at night I never siad any thing be cause I wanted out of juvi even in there from time to time i was geting raped so I felt like what was the pont of fighting it if it was going to happen any way what rely sucked was that the first women I had ever had was my fuking step mom I never told any one about it for a long time an the one I did try to tell was my X wife she did not bellive me about any of my past. Well my dad got out of prison an we moved to Kansas to live dad wanted to live some were that no one would know him cant say I blam him for that he did do 15 year's in prison for raping my two older sister's he did not know that I wanted to kill him for it tho an he still do's not know that to this day. Any way I went to high school there an hated it I could spit from one side of that town and hit the other side it was to dame small an evry one new my step mom an her famly god that sucked I was happy that I met James he and I went out camping and to the drive in movie's all the time or we would drive some place an just sit there all night I think he hated living there just as much as I did he was the only friend I had back then and we got in a lot of truble we would do all kind's of stuped thing's like go over to girl's place an hang out they would smoke weed an I would sit there an smoke sigar's an we would just have fun but some time's I was the look out for a few thing's jamse would do like slit his sister's boy friend's tire's after he had me fallow him to see if he was cheting on jamse's sister or like the time he asked to beat the hell out of his sister's boy friend both I was happy to do I did not like the guy at all an I did like jamse's sister I never did ask her out tho I did not ask out of respeked for jamse he was my friend an that meant a lot to me. My step mom all was side I was buying jamse's friend ship you see we would go and hang out an I would buy food or drink an even pay are way in to the drive in movie's as well as put gas in the car so we could do thing's but I kept telling her that I did it part of the time an jamse did it part of the time we would take turn's paying but I never could get her to think I was not buying his friend ship I still think it was far that we split the cost of hanging out.

When I was 18 year's old I droped out of school an went to stay with my mom in Tennessee that was a misstake my mom's boy friend ricky was ass an still is a ass to this day evry time he see's me try's to pick a fight with me an truth If I was still in juvi I would kick his ass all day gladly but im not a kid any more an some thing's you have to grow any way when I went to stay with my mom he put his hand's on her an I kicked his ass he had me put in jail for definding my mom an even better he new all about my dad's past an he tryed to get me put in not just for kicking his ass but for molesting a little girl that I never did and there was no little girl any way he mad it up just to try get me put a way for a long time the cop's did not buy ricky's story about me do'ing some thing to a little girl when he could not come up with one. ricky made my life hell after I got out of jail I sitll know the first thing he siad to me when I got out he siad now that I have leard how to talk to my elder's and that was were I stoped him cold an told him that even if a cold day in hell came he would never be my elder he told me I did not lear a dame thing in jail I smiled an siad yes I did I leard a few new was to kick his ass he did not like that much an he did not say any thing he just walked away I love it when I win. Well a few day's later an I was on a bus an going back to Kansas to stay with my step mom an dad he had payed my fine's an got me the bus tickit an after a short time my step mom sent me off to some place new that I had no say in going to I was on a plain going to Texas to a job corp's I have to say I liked it there I was going to take welding class's but went in to wearhousing I liked it there it was fun an I got a good rep for hiring my self out to other's as a body gard an even got in good with the head people on campus i held bust a few kids that were selling drug's on campus an I met a black girl that I ended up dating for a short time well tell I fond out she was fucking all most all the guy's on campus then I dumped her ass a week latter I met rachel an we hitting it off well we had a lot of friend's an people liked us as well as respeked us. The black girl I had been seeing she was telling rachel who she could an could not talk to an was being a pain in the ass to her I have say when I asked some of the guy's that was good friend's of mine to keep a eye on rachel for me I did not know that they would put the little black girl head first in to a trash ben I would have payed to see them do it an I did pay them for doing it any way O by the way she was about 4 feet tall an a toohpick thin an the trash been's where about the same. well after a talk with the head guy on campus I found out that she had been giting in a lot of truble a thank's to my intell on her she was going back home to jumaca a soon as they could send her so that was that by by x girl friend she will never be missed.

Me and rachel were doing good an it turned out she had a little wild side to here I was seeing her at class one day an was joking with her I did not think she would do it I was wrong we were in the hall by the bathroom's an I was tesing her her an beging her to flash me she told me no an kissed me then she went in to the bathroom I turned an was looking at some thing on the wall when she called my name an when looked at her she was flashing me I have to say I was happy she had a wild side to her I loved her with all my heart an I still do any way we had a lot of fun in job core an we became very close I asked her to marry me an she siad no the she said ask me agen a ill say yes but not right now well some time past an we were going to a cherch togeter it was a nice place it was at a place that had set up were you could see water life an snake's an thing's I cant think of what the place was called but any way they held cherch. Rachel a friend an my self were looking at the snake's an rachel has a bad fer of snake's our friend kept tesing her an she ran out well I told him to stop an went after her she was badly shaken up an would not talk to me an I got down on one knee an asked her to marry me she did not say any thing at first so i held her back pack over the water an told her I would drop it if she did not say any thing to me well I play droped it a few time's an she looked at me an asked me what I siad an I asked agen If she would marry me an she siad yes an we kissed an i gave back her back pack we went to a lot of dance's and we were never a part at any time but class an when we went to are dorm's for the night. When I looked at her nothing materd an I had only eye's for her an her a lone when I was with her I felt that nothing could ever hurt me agen she mad me feel safe loved I wanted to give her the world an evry thing in it she held my hart she was my first love the first one I ever trusted an would die to keep her safe she was all so the first women I made love to an when she held me I never wanted her to let go at time's I felt that if she let go of me all the hurt all the pine an abuse would come back for more so I was scared an she never new it she never new the that part of my past an I was scared to tell her it as if by me not telling it to her she would not think less of me an I would die to keep her safe from my past from all the hurt an pine an rape's that made me.

I left job core an started to look for work I wanted to take care of her an be a good man for her when she came to see me at my step mom an dad's we could not stand to not be to gether so we talked to my step mom's cherch an got marryed and my dad of all people got us a place to stay we camped out after the wedding it could have gone better dad let us use his old truck an the big tint I got had a hole in it and I got gass In my eye's be for we left to go to the camp site after we got there it strated to rian an We woke to my dad the next day looking in on us to see if we were ok after the bad storm so yep we had a great honnymoon yeh right.

Thanksgiving came that year an my wife's famly was there from Texas an my sister peggy an her famly came to it was fun we had a good time we even had one of the guy's next door run out of his place with nothing come to find out he was hi as can be on some thing. A few day's latter we moved to new place it was a 4 beed room 1 bath it was a nice place an my wife liked it after a short time we fond out we were going to have a baby a girl my wife an I were so happy to having a a child she wanted to be closer to her famly when we had are little girl so we moved to Texas an in with them tell we could find a place an after a short time my wife an her famly found a small 2 bed room 1 bath that cost a lot more then I would have liked at the time I was $600.00 a month it was not even as nice as the last one but it is as they say when the wife is happy evry one is happy so I worked she stayed home a tolk care of are baby girl and an she was a cut little thing I love my little Angel we named her lorris her mom picked her name it was not what i would have picked but it did grow on me. We were happy and very much in love I worked all day an she tolk care of lorris things were good for a long time then we got a 3 day evcson note that did not make me very happy we had made all are rent paymint's an we were on good term's with the place so I dont know why we got it and after we left an went back to Kansas we fond out that they were saying they did not give us one an that we needed to pay the rest of are leas.

Well we went back to Kansas an stayed with my step mom and dad for a smalltime then we got a place in town an it was not to bad but hay when you have nothing you cant complain about it so we moved in an started over there a few week's latter an we fond out we had a new baby on the way and at the time I was having hard time getting an keeping work so thing's were not going very well and all so my wife had more schooling the I did so she got work befor I did evry one In my famly was on my ass for that like I was not trying to get work I was even my wife started to talk to me like I was crap an was not doind all I could to get work. It went on that way for a long time I just started to feel like nothing I did mattred to any one any more but I kept looking for work an then I did some thing stuped even for me I went an got a truk from a deller an we could not even pay for it at all hell there was no way I sould have been able to get it any way. I fond out some year's latter that the deller used my dad's info not my info so tho the deller is saying that I gave my dad's info to them funny how I don't even know any of my dad's info at all I have to pay them any way. After I got the truk I went to see a friend of mine in the next town a few time's well we hung out talked some about how thing's were going but one day I went over to see him I had my little girl with me and we were in his home she was a sleep in her car seat I had set her on the floor she had fell a sleep on the drive over any way we were talking then he grabed me a started to try an get me out of my clothing I told him to stop an he did not he kept on trying an when I would not let him he siad if I did not fuck him he would beat me up an go an fuck my wife as well as hurt my little girl I stoped fighting him an let him my little girl was no more then 10 feet from me an I was not going to let her get hurt in a fight with him we were to even in stranth an i new if we started to fight she was going to get hurt an I could not let my baby get hurt so I let him fuck me an after I went home and started to make plain's to get my wife a baby girl out of the state I did not tell my wife or any one about it I was to a shamd of it I was to a shamed that I did not fight him after all the fighting I did just so I could fight the next one off an I did not fight.

I got my wife an baby girl to Tennessee back to my mom's place that did not last long we moved out to are own place it was a nice place 3 bed room 1 bath I still was having a hard time finding work an thing's were coming down on me my mind felt like it was falling a part an I could not think strat I did get a job an I liked it to are van had been ripoed but we got a car an thing's were looking up an the it happend I got lade of the day be for my baby boy was born it hit me like a brick wall an I felt like a failer to my wife an kid's evry thing that I never told my wife or any one started to eat me from the in side me and it broke my mind all that I made my self to be my stranth was gone from me an I lost cotrel of it all every thing in my past came back an I started to shut down agen but this time it killed me in side an evry thing started to come out I got depreson very badly an I was saying an doing thing's that were not the real me in side they were thing's that I would never say an do but they were coming out of me an be for I new I had done or siad some thing to my wife I did not know what was happing to me an I was scared of my self I know now after all the's year's that the deprson got so bad that it let a side of me out that I did not know any thing about it let all the pian an hurt an anger I held so deep in me out an it all most made me lose my mind. My wife left me after I lost control an all most made her let me fuck her in the ass I got control be for I did it but she never for gave me an she became scared of me hell I was scared of me at that pont after that day I did not want her to get close to me I was afraed that I would hurt her an not mean to do it. In the past 7 year's I have lernd to control my emotions an have become more at piece with my past an I have gand stranth from hours of meditation. I have had a very bad life but it has made me stronger too. There are thing's in this world that no one should have happen to them an if I can take there pain for them I would do so for I know what true pain is an I would not want any to go through what I have had to.