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💀©KNOX SCARLETTE BANE 💀🌶️🌶️

So here we are are ( not) yet again
Because my mind is just like a spinning wheel
Trying in the aftermath in this afterlife
To live a constructive life
After knowing you and wanting you
When you've turned your back truly
All Logiks of man and beast says I'm free
But you turn me senseless back again
And everyday you seem to have stolen my hours away
Turning my mind over and over on you
Going back nowheres
Wasted by living spirit on wanting your body which is now Ghosted+ and gone
I Hate+ that truly
That I'm wasting myself on you
Wasting away ever so slightly in you
That your in my mind
That your in my minds eye
Or on my mind
Or on the way to conquer me again with your words of Dismissal+ and Disqust+

Your very good at evoking all the Hates+
As if God+ gave all the human Hates+ over to you
As if Gods+ gave you the right to be the Judgement+
The kiss of Death+ over life
I know I Love+ Gods world+
So how could I be in Bondage+ to someone like you?!?
Because Hatred+ is a Bondage+
And Anger+ is a Bondage+
And trying not to Hate+ you Didn't work much
Or for long
Its like a knotted-cord that yanks on me
Yanking me alert and awake
When all I want to do is snooze
Sometimes Drown+ in you and Drift away+
The present is painfully aware of its self
Yet painless and Deadened+ also

Very odd that so much Desire+ and Love+ has burned away
Burned down to Black-ashes and now to erupting Black-fires of Hate+
Love+ was a good Bondage+
But Hate+ is Pain+
And so my Sin+ causes me suffering+
You did nothing to keep it good
Nothing to keep me from turning
It hurts me to turn so far
But it Didn't bother you
What anyone feels.....
Deadsenseless
Guess DeadMen+ Don't have to care?!?
If you were DeadBorn+ then its like knocking on stone
When it should be wood)

I don't care to want to care about you atall
Because its less than logikal
So senseless
Don't want to care about you
In everything I doupht-on you
In everything unsaid I Die down in you
My mind has its own wheel
Trapped inside images of you like a (revolting) revolving door
I Don't want to die down in you
Can't settle my own mind against you
Can't set the snares against you
Cant yet close the gate on you
Like you kicked in my head
Kicked in my mind and the door just hangs off crooked
All hell just pours on throuh
The Black river of your sullied hatreds all raw and all reviled just pours on through

I blame myself
Just like you expected
Dosnt the Master always get what he orders?!?
I blame myself
My head spinning round like a broken kinda record
A recording of time somewhere
But it isn't here
Just inside me
Who wants to be a Slave+ to words now gone+
Images of you in another world I have to see
I Hate+ myself for to see
God shows us Evil+
Stuff I Don't need to know
From a life that isn't mine
Don't want to see
Don't want to know
The Deadends life you live in some strange way
A life without me in it atall still dosnt fit
My expectations and my logiks are blurring badly
Why am I still in shock?!?
Guess most killers do play with their pray for longer?!?
This General of all sickened hearts who hunts the battlefields
This General of all Dark blasphemys and treacherous Deaths got the sharp end up on me
I couldn't see him yet
Not back then
I didn't think of War-Generals
I just thought of myself stupid+

Like ive lost my Soul
Lost my will to live rightfully+
Still Loving God+
But my mind reaches for you
Like a Ghost-Face+ your not there again still
God commands me to write of all my Sins+ Longings+ Dreads+ and misunderstandings
Only way for some peace of mind
That ive paid my dues again
That ive Burned+ in Sin+ again) in Spirit+ only which is a crazy bind
I waste my lively hours squandered in these chains
Chains of the mind
My spirit and body sickens very slowley as the life leeches out
Vital life bleeding-out of me+
All pains-all unwordly+ and weakened+
Being leeched away by waking Nightmares+ and unseen obscene unknown fears of a world that was sleeping that I have awakened not knowing its horrors+
My mortal mind soothes it to sleep again and I know that you don't matter
You are a stranger now and you were one then
I just got confused that I really knew you
That you actually felt me
Because you were always there before
Hating+ me when I was getting sick
Memory's of myself with you as an unseen enemy from many years ago now I recognise your Shadow+)

Stupid
Me getting Hot+ on you
When your as cold as a Deadgrate+
As cold as Gray Ashes in the mourning gloom+
That it wasn't meant to matter
That you are indeed a true-stranger
That words are just written on water
That words go in one way and out the other and all promises are just even more Lies+
Kept hard and Bitter+ till the end
Cause your Love+ isn't love But just Lust+ turned back on itself
Lust+ for Power+ turned back into Hate+?!?
Everything even those few hours seem like stolen+
Your God is barren to this Black+
No life No light left here)
That you aren't the one who can take me in
But its hard to dispell the myths
Because I guess your Soul+ has echoes
Maybe because I loved on you its making it stick?!?
I wanna wash myself clean of a world I will never know
Stuff I started to believe was going to be mine
Makes no sense when I hardly knew you
Makes me Dread+ what could have happened
But I'm not yet grateful that God+ saved me
Not yet enough)

Then I'm slipping-up in my mind again
Wondering about you
Why you really left
What you really said- if you said anything atall
And where you are
Why your body is so cold
When it could be better
Vamps suck out your will and smother all known protests of the human mind)
What started off with temperance and speaking sense
ended up with icey silence and then with tearing Blackened ravages+
But I did try
I couldn't try harder
When you were slipping away already
Really this was the Dreaming+Time
Just a few hours
When story book characters come to life and speak of themselves
But I was enraptured by everything
Too real-too unreal
For an odd while.....

My hours are now suffering within the passing of Ghosts+
Because of emptyness and deadness and tamperings inside myself I can't know
Time of touching your flesh long since past
Was that even real?!?
Did I dream you were there all along?!?
Deafness to this world
Loveless+ to this World
Too Dead+ in you still
But ive still broken all the codes....
Don't share your kind of Hate+ in this life
So I get rejected-ejected
Just another Hate+ of you now in another life
You can't see it But I'd like to make you Burn+)
Won't get admitted by you to the circle in this life I'm sure)
My hours are disturbed by you
They aren't right
Why you are so utterly filled-up with Hatreds+ for everyone
Espically for your self
That you'd deny yourself even this Lust+?!?
When its was there to be taken
You would tare yourself apart in Darkness+
And surround yourself with Darkness+ and Brokenness+
This slipping Blackness+
Just to hurt me
Just to stab out at me for trying
Just to hurt anyone I'd be guessing?!?

I was born righted
I was born seated
Now I am tilted by some Godless fuck
Your mind fuck is good
Your mind fuck is God+
Its all I have left
Echoes
Of your Nightmare world fading out
Fading in
Crashing back in-crashing back out
Distorting my reality
Enough for me to wander in my mind
And to lose many things
Many thoughts
Many parts of myself maybe?!?
Everything comes in snapshots
Snapshots slowing down
Sometimes stopped
Sometimes stuck
Nothing much fits
And I do Hate+ on myself
For being the watcher
Seen or unseen
And I do Hate+ on myself for being the Lover+ and the Drowner+
Some try to save men they say But then can't save themselves much either
When they Drown+ in another Gods+ Damnation+ And Sins+
I thought it was the waters of Desire+
But its the River of Death+
We all get Deaf+ to our own Desires+ when its gone on for too long.....