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You know what really grinds my gears...
07:33 Nov 28 2009
Times Read: 563

When people can seem nice and helpful when they want something from you, then just like bipolar disorder they are the snobbiest and most hateful people you've ever met once they get what they want. I'm sick and tired of not getting credit for trying to create a life. Apparently if at first I don't succeed, I'm worthless and don't deserve to live. People are flawed, live with it dammit! It really irks me when people don't like one little thing about you can go behind your back and destroy the things you love just because they have a problem with it. I don't have much in my life. Everything I care about resides in my room. To come home and find that certain favorable items have been trashed.....I tend to go a little bit off of the deep end.....

And as said above...when people assume things because they feel they should and assume they know every detail about you and your personality, or when something goes wrong they instantly assume so and so did it because oh my father! I don't like that guy. I can't fucking STAND IT!!! when someone calls me out on my mistakes. I know I messed up! I will fix it on my fuxing own!!!! I don't need critics breathing down my back telling me how much of a failure I am now!! It's as if people have nothing better to do.

I don't mind playing jokes and calling names and all of that b.s. It's fine for a time or at varying intervals....but every gods damned day!! PEOPLE! Get a life!!!! I have no life but day in and day out I survive by not making sure others understand that they are this or that....

Fucking close-minded people.....need I say more? Screw that, I will. Just because you don't understand something and because someone does something different than you does NOT give you the right to call them a freak or a faggot or a non-Christian junkie! How about you stay in your little world and all of the polite open-minded people stay in ours. Sounds like a plan.

I'm a tad annoyed with jealous boyfriends. I want a friend to hang out with to waste some time. It's not like I'm going to rape the girl! Hell, I'll even hang out with the boyfriend too. I don't care!! so long as I have something to do with other people. Social interaction. I can only take solitude for so long before I snap...which I think I just might have already....I can't see anything but red....and black. It's possible I might pass out soon...not too sure.....

And one final thing...then I'll shut up.....I'm tired...oh so sick and tired of NEVER..not once, not twice, not a single iota of a chance to have things my way...not a single moment in history. Why can't life give me my credit? Everyone else get's theirs. Why not me? When will be my time? When will I get to shine and say "Oh that? Yes, that was me. I did that." When will people look at me and say "That guy has his life together." or "Look at him. He's doing alright." Every other person on this planet has something to look forward to, but I seem so far left behind that I have no chance of catching up. No, I didn't want college. It was a strategical move. It's far too expensive and I'm not ready to have the military pay for it just yet. Everything I want out of life I can obtain without further schooling in a University. There are license's and skill schools for all of that. I just don't want to have to wait and see if my life turns out as a failure. I need to get it done now. I need my life on track like everyone else seems to have. *sigh* Skie can't even help me right now.....

I think that completes today's rant.....surprisingly I do feel better. Maybe after another cigarette I'll be healed....maybe.

A quote from D. H. Lawrence:
21:57 Nov 07 2009
Times Read: 605






This is what I believe:

That I am I.

That my soul is a dark forest.

That my known self will never be more than a little clearing in the forest.

That gods, strange gods, come forth from the forest into the clearing of my known self, and then go back.

That I must have the courage to let them come and go.

That I will never let mankind put anything over me, but that I will try always to recognize and submit to the gods in me and the gods in other men and women.

There is my creed.