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feeling like major shit just wanna scream urgh thanks to the fuck tard who stole my old laptop now im fucked over when it comes to school my next 4 classes are paid for and books are here but now i owe ppl money and bills are piling up and now they say not getting the funds til june urgh my grandson can be born at any time and still need to get him things now have to push the baby shower back on the date cuz wont have the money to throw it urgh havent been sleeping well lately either been having really bad night mares when i do finally fall asleep can tell my depression is full blown right now as for im isolating myself from ppl missing appointments and stuff cant wait to get out of this rut im in hate being depressed feeling unwanted unappreciated and lonely lately and top it off missing my son daughter and dad really bad lately not only that the weather has been all over the place so i have been in major pain and nothing i can do bout it and my son with his allergies is driving me crazy really whiny and clingy all i know i just wanna run and hide some where until everything gets better and calms down its all getting to be too much for just me to be dealing with it ...school, doc appoints, other appoints, bills, taking care of the house daughter being pregnant and grandbaby coming any time and he not due til july i really just wanna cry kick and scream but that would not change anything sigh really thinking of taking a trip after Jayvonte is born to see friends and family in ILL TX FL and may be NC but not sure if we will be able to take that trip my pos van wouldnt make it as it is im trying to keep it running til my school funds come so i can get the 3 things fixed and get new tires sigh

i am my own worse enemy

fighting the war thats going on inside of me

knowing i will never be good enough

no matter how much i try they all want more

im hazardous to my own health

for when i snap theres no coming back

trying to hold on to the love of my life

slips threw my fingers a lil more as the days go by

wish this darkness would just go away

mind is invaded by these thoughts

the darkness is trying to capture me

to bring me to them once again

tears of blood flowing from my eyes

as i had to say my last good byes

i am no longer whole as for pieces of me are with them

wish these thoughts would just go away

as i know i will be with them once again

not doing so good at all at all really depressed more than usual lately missing my daughter and son and dad a lot go threw days im up for days than i crash and sleep for days which really sucks when i have my family to take care of and school on top of all the appointments sigh cant wait for these thoughts to stop invading my mind