Some Jokes from my Mother in law <306:37 Jun 13 2008
Times Read: 871
LOST IN PLACES:
An elderly lady called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has
been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the
dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake
pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried.
The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way."
A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says. "She got
in the back-seat by mistake."
________________________________________________________________________
FAMILY
Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night the
96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to
the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"
The 94-year-old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She
starts up the stairs and pa uses "Was I going up the stairs or down?"
The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to
her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that
forgetful, knock on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of
you as soon as I see who's at the door."
______________________________________________________ __________________
"I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March
day. One r emarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?"
"No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday."
And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."
_______________________________________________________________________
LITTLE LADY:
A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As
she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say "Supersex."
She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him,
she said, "Supersex."
He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the
soup."
_______________________________________________________________________
OLD FRIENDS:
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they
had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their
activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said,
"Now don't get mad at me .. I know we've been friends for a long time, but
I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't
remember it. Please tell me what your name is."
Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and
glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
_______________________________________________________________________
SENIOR DRIVING
As a s enior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just
heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77.
Please be careful!"
"Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
_______________________________________________________________________
DRIVING
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see
over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an
intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The
woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I
could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more
minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again.
Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost
sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was
losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough,
the light was red and they went on through. So, she tu rned to the other
woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red
lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, crap, am I driving ?"
COMMENTS
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Stipke
07:13 Jun 30 2008
Besides myself, I know of one other person who has gotten that message. Got one from his "Mistress" a few days ago also. Lame people.
TaintedTeen
07:15 Jun 30 2008
CaptainxChaos and another member have also gotten this message. Stupid fucktits. -exscuse my language-
Maledicta
07:18 Jun 30 2008
Did anyone try going on messenger to tell the 'mistress' what they thought of her? That's what I woulda done, the sick bitch...
Irony
21:51 Jun 30 2008
What the fuck?! I am pretty much chilled to the bone on that. My heart goes out to you and your daughter for having to endure that kind of shit, and I hope his thong underwear gets caught up in a woodchipper and takes him on in with it.
maliciousIntent63
23:35 Jun 30 2008
They need to be Jailed..
XLOSTSOULX
10:37 Jul 02 2008
Sincerely,
Ade XX