The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Apparitions - The appearance of a deceased person or animal that appears in either a definable for blurry form. They often appear suddenly and quickly disappear at a distance, such as in an upper window of a house. Apparitions have been sighted moving through physical barriers such as walls and doors and are often accompanied by a drop in temperature. Generally, apparitions are harmless.



Ectoplasm (Vapors and Mists) - A grey, white or bluish colored fog that appears alone or right before the appearance of an apparition. The mist may move in all directions including through physical barriers. It resembles exhaled breath on a cold day or cigarette smoke and is often erroneously identified in ghostly photography.



Free Spirits - These are entities that travel or interact with the living. They are also the disembodied spirits of the once living, but they can choose to drop in and interact. They are free to come and go until they reincarnate or move on to a higher level.



Ghosts - A surviving emotional memory of someone who has died traumatically and tragically but is unaware he/she is dead. They may appear confused or frightened. Not being ready or yet able to let go of the physical attachments, they remain in the old and familiar places, repeating the same acts indefinitely until something or someone breaks the cycle for them.



Orbs - Small sphere-shaped masses of energy believed to be either the beginning of an apparition or a complete manifestation unto itself. They move on their own at various speeds. Usually invisible to the naked eye, they are the most common anomaly captured on film. However, the majority of orbs in photographs can be explained away by other means such as dust, insects, or camera flaws. A photo of an orb with a light trail behind is rare and considered more reliable. Orbs can be found just about anywhere. Most orbs are transparent, but colored ones have been observed as well, usually red or blue being the most common colors.



Poltergeists - Poltergeists are a form of ghost that gains energy from people, most often children or teenagers, and converts it into the ability to move solid objects. Poltergeists will often announce their presence with rapping or other noises and generally create disorder. They like to generate acts of mischief such as throwing furniture about.



Ribbon Energy / Rods - Spirit or psychic energy that is more solid and substantive than either orbs or mists, that seem to form in long wispy streaks, strands, rods, or coils, and usually is caught emanating from a specific point. It is thought this is a stage just before a spirit or apparition fully forms as they begin to take shape or draw on nearby energy in an attempt to manifest itself.



Spook Lights - White, blue, or yellow lights unseen glowing in the distance at night. Unexplained, they are known by different names including ghost lights or will-o-wisps. They are usually associated with a specific location repeatedly over time, and may be similar to ball energy or lightning. Many documented examples of ghost lights have been made including the spook lights around Joplin, Missouri, the Marfa Lights in South Texas and the Dover Lights in northwest Arkansas.



Vortexes - Most often spotted indoors, these swirling funnel-shaped mists show up in photographs with a tread-like quality in the body. These anomalies may be spirits themselves, but it is becoming increasingly believed that it is more likely they are a method of transport between two worlds. They are often seen with orbs but have also been spotted alone.

Down a narrow, winding road lined with open fields, at the bottom of a small valley, the broken remains of a building can be found in a dense patch of woods just before the road suddenly dead-ends. At first, all is quiet. Then, the faint sound of footsteps can be heard overhead and, perhaps, a creaking door. The distant sound of a crackling fire begins to grow louder as the anguished screams of burning children can be heard wailing in the night. Or so the legend goes.







Gore Orphanage has been a tale of terror that spans the generations. For years, thrill-seekers have taken the sharp right turn onto Gore Orphanage Road in Lorain County to visit the remains of the building that once housed more than 100 children in the early 1900s. They go in hopes of finding the fingerprints of small children pressed onto the windows of their cars, or tiny, bloody footprints in the snow. Many claim to have seen the ghost of a child dressed in night clothes walking across the road. There are said to be abandoned graves along the river that “glow like embers in the night”.





According to tradition, a fire broke out in the orphanage one night. More than 120 orphans burned and suffocated as they slept. Some believe that the spirits of those children still roam the grounds today, crying in despair. The exact cause of the fire has never been known. Some say the orphanage owners ignited it for the insurance money, while one rumor states that an "old man from the river" who hated children deliberately started the fire, while still others attribute the blaze to a boy who accidentally dropped a lantern while on his way to the outhouse. The stairs were the first to go up in flames, and soon all on the upper floor were trapped. Local residents gathered to help try to put the fire out, but in the end could only watch as the children inside burned and suffocated from the smoke.



But what is the real story?



The remains actually turn out to be that of the Swift Mansion, an old Greek revival house occupied by Joseph Swift who had it built in 1840. It may have been part of the orphanage complex at one time, but it was also a private residence. Swift's railroad stocks went bust during the Civil War and he was forced to sell the house and leave the area. Records show him to have been a very ordinary farmer, but oral tradition claims that he was the leader of a group of spiritualists, who held weird occult rituals in the Swift Mansion. Swift sold the house to Nicholas Wilbur in 1865.





If anyone held occult rituals in the house, it was Wilbur. The Wilburs were a farming family from New York, but rumors quickly spread throughout town about séances being held in the house on a regular basis. Wilbur himself was thought to be the leader of a group of spiritualists, and his grandchildren were said to have supernatural powers. When Wilbur’s four children all died within a single week, neighbors began to question the causes of death, as well as the whereabouts of the bodies.





It was rumored the corpses were sealed in the fireplace, and their spirits were repeatedly brought back to the house during séances. Mr. Wilbur helped to build the orphanage next door in memory of the deceased children. Mrs. Wilbur allegedly went insane after the deaths, reportedly setting the table three times a day for the now dead children. Townspeople would tell stories of going to the house after the tragedy to watch her take a lamp up stairs saying, “Time for bed, children, come on,” and proceeding to tuck the children in for the night.

Mr. Wilbur died in 1901, and the house was abandoned before the Orphanage of Light and Hope eventually bought it. It burned to the ground in the 1920s. It is said, though, that the bricks from its fireplace were built into another home, and the woman who lives there has heard screams coming from them. It's just as likely, however, that Wilbur was the victim of rumors started long after he had departed this earth. The Wilburs did have four children, aged 2 to 11, who died at the house in the course of seven days at the height of the diphtheria epidemic in 1893, from January 13 through the 19th. One element of the original legend states that there were "neglected children's graves" on the land and that it is their spirits that haunt the site. However, these same children who died from this epidemic can actually be found buried at nearby Andress cemetery, about two miles away, which we visited and verified during the course of our investigation.

As early as 1905 the site was reputed to be haunted, and the still-standing Swift Mansion was vandalized and visited late at night by curiosity seekers. The Orphanage obtained the land and allowed the mansion to fall into further disrepair while they built their dormitories around it. Sprunger himself died in 1912, and the orphanage was then turned over to the Friends’ Church of Cleveland, which promptly went bankrupt. The children were relocated. The last building still standing finally did burn down in 1923, but without anyone inside.





It is thought that during the years since, the Gore Orphanage legend has become entangled with that of a real disaster which occurred forty miles east of Vermilion, in the Cleveland suburb of Collinwood, where on March 4, 1908, the Lake View Public School burned down, killing 176 children and school employees. The legend of the Gore Orphanage fire sounds suspiciously like a retelling of the story of the Lake View Public School disaster.

When I was growing up in Columbus, all of the neighborhood mothers used to threaten their kids that if they weren't good, they'd get sent to Mansfield. (Nice bunch of mothers.) Thoughts of the dark, foreboding stone castle were enough to keep even the most unruly kid in check.



The Ohio State Reformatory, at Mansfield, was designed in 1896 by Cleveland architect, Levi Scofield, who also designed the Soldiers and Sailors Monument in downtown Cleveland. The building architect was F.F. Schnitzer, whose name is etched in the cornerstone of the reformatory. The gothic, church-like stone structure was intended to inspire inmates to reform. Unfortunately, it most likely had the opposite effect. As early as the 1930s, the prison was cited for having inhumane living conditions. Notorious is the prison's "Hole," a series of one-man cells with no facilities, no light, and little air. The facility closed in 1990.



Several inmates and guards were killed during their time at Mansfield and numerous sightings have been reported. Almost everyone leaves the property with a deep feeling of sadness. By all accounts, Mansfield was never a happy place.



The Ohio State Reformatory has been featured in numerous films and TV productions, including the movies Air Force One and The Shawshank Redemption.



The structure is currently being renovated as a museum. Tours are offered Tuesday through Friday at 2pm and throughout the day on Sundays

Squire's Castle, located in Willoughby Hills in the Cleveland Metroparks, was built in the 1890s by Feargus B. Squire, an executive with the Standard Oil Company. The British-born Squire intended to create a country estate, modeled after those in Britain. He began by building the gatehouse, complete with a living room, several bedrooms, and a hunt room with mounted animal heads. The Squires used the gatehouse as a weekend retreat while plans were being finalized for the main house.



Mrs. Squire never liked the country. A city girl, she was scared of the quiet country nights and the sounds of animals. Urban legend says that she had so many nightmares that she was afraid to go to sleep and consequently went insane. According to the legend, she died one night when she became so frightened that she fell and broke her neck attempting to flee. The truth lies somewhere else. Mrs. Squire, although afraid of the country, did not die at the gatehouse, although she did die young, in 1929.



Feargus Squire never completed the estate after his wife's death, and the gatehouse was abandoned. Today, the structure is but a stone shell, owned by the Cleveland Metroparks. Periodic functions are held at the "castle." Park visitors can walk around the structure and imagine it adorned with Tiffany glass, carved mouldings, and elaborate European furnishings.



There have been numerous reports of a woman in the upstairs window at night, sometimes with a lantern. Could it be Mrs. Squire?

Franklin Castle, located in Ohio City at 43rd and Franklin, is one of the most fascinating and most haunted houses in Cleveland. The four-story sandstone Gothic structure was built in the late 1880s by grocer and banking executive, Hannes Tiedemann. The house featured thirty rooms, including a ballroom that encompassed the entire third floor.



The house's history is a sad and disturbing one. Not long after the Tiedemann family moved into the house, their daughter and Mrs. Tiedemann's mother died. To distract his wife, Tiedemann remodeled the house and it was rumored that several secret passages were added at that time. Before Mr. Tiedemann's death in 1908, all of his family, including his grandsons had died.



The house subsequently belonged to a German brewer, the German Socialist Party (rumored to be Nazis and to have run surveillance of Lake Erie from the house), and several Cleveland families.



Strange occurrences have plagued all of the residents. Voices, organ playing, shaking light fixtures, and apparitions have all been reported. In 1975, the owner at the time went searching for the secret passageways ... and found more than he sought. He uncovered a human skeleton, deemed to be very old by the coroner.



Today, Franklin Castle is managed by developer, Charles Milsap, who has announced plans to turn the property into a private club. Although he began selling memberships in 2002, little work has been done to restore the Gothic mansion.

On June 22, 1969, an oil slick and debris in the Cuyahoga River caught fire in Cleveland, Ohio, drawing national attention to environmental problems in Ohio and elsewhere in the United States.



This Cuyahoga River fire lasted just thirty minutes, but it did approximately fifty thousand dollars in damage -- principally to some railroad bridges spanning the river. It is unclear what caused the fire, but most people believe sparks from a passing train ignited an oil slick in the Cuyahoga River. This was not the first time that the river had caught on fire. Fires occurred on the Cuyahoga River in 1868, 1883, 1887, 1912, 1922, 1936, 1941, 1948, and in 1952. The 1952 fire caused over 1.5 million dollars in damage.



On August 1, 1969, Time magazine reported on the fire and on the condition of the Cuyahoga River. The magazine stated,



Some River! Chocolate-brown, oily, bubbling with subsurface gases, it oozes rather than flows. "Anyone who falls into the Cuyahoga does not drown," Cleveland's citizens joke grimly. "He decays". . . The Federal Water Pollution Control Administration dryly notes: "The lower Cuyahoga has no visible signs of life, not even low forms such as leeches and sludge worms that usually thrive on wastes." It is also -- literally -- a fire hazard.



Because of this fire, Cleveland businesses became infamous for their pollution, a legacy of the city's booming manufacturing days during the late 1800s and the early 1900s, when limited government controls existed to protect the environment. Even following World War II, Cleveland businesses, especially steel mills, routinely polluted the river. Cleveland and its residents also became the butt of jokes across the United States, despite the fact that city officials had authorized 100 million dollars to improve the Cuyahoga River's water before the fire occurred. The fire also brought attention to other environmental problems across the country, helped spur the Environmental Movement, and helped lead to the passage of the Clean Water Act in 1972

The TORSO MURDERS, committed between Sept. 1935 and Aug. 1938, were believed to be serial killings. Most of the bodies were discovered in or near the KINGSBURY RUN area--a creek bed that ran from E. 90th St. and Kinsman Rd. SE to the CUYAHOGA RIVER.





County Coroner Samuel Gerber and Cleveland Police detectives search among the rocks of the lakefront for remains of victims of the Torso Murderer, 1938. CPL.

Body parts of what was thought to be 7 men and 5 women were discovered; most victims were dismembered and all were decapitated. Most of the victims appeared to be transients or derelicts living in shantytowns on the fringes of society. The murderer was never discovered. The first 2 dismembered bodies were found together in Kingsbury Run on 23 Sept. 1935, one of which was later identified by his fingerprints as Edward Andrassey, 29, an orderly at a local hospital. The third victim was Florence Pollilo, found near Orange Ave. 26 Jan 1936. Between June 1936 and Aug. 1938, 9 more bodies were discovered, one of which was identified as Mrs. Rose Wallace. Safety Director ELIOT NESS† immediately ordered the shantytowns of Kingsbury Run burned to the ground, which ended the torso murders.



The similarities in dismemberment, which were carried out with surgical precision, led investigating policemen to surmise that the murders were committed by a single person with significant knowledge of anatomy. Police Lt. Peter Merylo, who worked on the case for 6 years, characterized the killer as coldly efficient and as relentless as an executioner when in the mood to kill. Although Frank Dolezal confessed to the Polillo murder, he hanged himself before he could be tried, and despite intensive police work, there was never sufficient evidence to make a case against any other suspect.

The Cancerian character is the least clear-cut of all those associated with the signs of the zodiac. It can range from the timid, dull, shy and withdrawn to the most brilliant, and famous Cancerians are to be found through the whole range of human activity. It is a fundamentally conservative and home-loving nature, appreciating the nest like quality of a secure base to which the male can retire when he needs a respite from the stresses of life, and in which the Cancerian woman can exercise her strong maternal instincts. The latter tends to like and to have a large family. `Nest like' is an appropriate adjective for the Cancerian home, for its inhabitants tend to favor the dark, mysterious but comfortable type of house which has something of the air of a den about it, a place which belongs to the family rather than existing as a showcase to impress visitors.

That is not to say that the Cancerian is unsociable, just that for them there is a time to socialize and a time to be solitary, and this is part of the apparent contradiction in their nature. Outwardly they can appear formidable - thick-skinned, unemotional, uncompromising, obstinately tenacious, purposeful, energetic, shrewd, intuitive and wise, sometimes with a philosophical profundity of thought verging on inspiration. Their intimates, however, may see a very different character, one with a sympathetic and kindly sensitivity to other people, especially those they love. They are able to identify with the situations of others because of the keenness of their imaginations. They are often over-imaginative and prone to fantasy, sometimes trying to shape their lives to fit some romantic ideal. They are appreciative of art and literature, and especially of drama, where the spectacle and ebb and flow of action and feeling particularly excite them. They may themselves possess considerable literary, artistic or oratorical talent. Their sharp ears and talent for mimicry can sometimes give them success on the stage, though their tendency to be emotional may make them overact. Interestingly - because they give the impression of being down-to-earth - they are often fascinated by the occult and are more open to psychic influence than the average. If they can reconcile the personal conflict of their urge to be outgoing with the reserve that causes them to withdraw into themselves, then at best they can inspire a generation, especially the youthful part of it, by their idealism. A job in which they can express this, and in which they can do well, would be as a leader in a youth organization.



In their personal relationships they are mentally a mixture of toughness and softness, often emotional and romantic to the point of sentimentality in their fantasies; but in real life and in marriage, their loving is not so sentimental but tenaciously loyal. Even if they have affairs (and they may do so, for the male in particular is open to sensual stimulation), their first loyalty remains to spouse and family, of whom they regard themselves as the protector. Both the

Cancerian man and woman love unreservedly, giving much and asking little in return - in fact, one of the most important lessons they have to learn is how to receive gracefully. They are too easily influenced by those they love and admire, and swayed by the emotion of the moment. They are also loyal friends, the negative side of their faithfulness being clannishness, the narrow patriotism of "my country right or wrong"; and closing ranks in suspicion and coldness toward outsiders.



Cancerians have a retentive memory, particularly for emotionally laden events which they can recall in detail for years afterwards. they are strongly governed by childhood memories and since they live intensely in the past in memory and in the future in imagination, a chance meeting with someone for whom they had an unrequited love, even if they thought they had conquered the feeling, will easily rouse the emotion all over again.

The Cancerian has many potential faults. They can be untidy, sulky, devious, moody, inclined to self-pity because of an inferiority complex, brood on insults (very often imagined), yet are easily flattered. They can be tactless and difficult yet, because they are normally ambitious, they will curry favor by floating with majority opinions, outlooks and fashions of the day. As a result they often change their opinions and loyalties and, indeed, their occupations, and lack stability. They are easily corrupted and, because they are convincing romanticizers, can make successful confidence tricksters. Their romanticism in another sense make them ardent supporters of causes, for example a football team with whose heroes they can identify in a world of fantasy.



Their abilities fit the Cancerian for a wide range of occupations. As they are interested in what people are thinking and able to judge what they can safely be told, they can be good journalists, writers or politicians, though in this last capacity they are more likely to remain in the background rather than attain prominent positions of power. They may, indeed, change their party affiliations. They can serve in other departments of public affairs, especially those which involve looking after others, for example in any kind of service from welfare and nursing to catering - their own love of comfort and good living makes the Cancerian an excellent chef or housekeeper. They sometimes have a penchant for trade or business and are often successful as a captain of industry. This is because they are excellent organizers with a good sense of value and economy which they may combine with a flair for inventiveness and originality. The romantic side of their natures make them enjoy grubbing about in places where exciting discoveries may be made (old stamp collections in attics, etc.), and if they can do this professionally as a secondhand dealer or specialist in antiques, they will be happy. More common occupations which suit some subjects of Cancer are real estate broker, gardener and sailor.



Physically they are average to below average in height, with a fleshy body and short legs in comparison with the rest of them. Their hair is usually brown, their faces round, their complexions pale, their foreheads prominent, their eyes small and blue or gray in color, their noses short, perhaps upturned, and their mouths full. They sometimes walk clumsily.

1. Full Name: Silence Kills or Soul Watcher

2. Nicknames: Sven

3. Birthday: 6-26

4. time of birth: 6:26pm

5. Zodiac Sign: Cancer





6. Male or Female: Female

7. School: Cleveland State

8. Grades: a's

9. Occupation: Supervisor for MR/DD homes

10. College: someday soon again

11. Yahoo/MSN Addy:





__Your Appearance__



12. Hair Color: black/red

13. Hair Length: Long, curly

14. Eye color: Green, Blue and Grey but never all at the same time

16. Height: 5'10

17. Braces?: Nope, never needed them.

18. Glasses?: Yes, but I prefer contacts

19. Piercings: used to

20. Tattoos: I have several large pieces and more to come

21. Right or Left: Right



___Your best___



22. Best girl/guy mate: Torie

23. Best Award: Eye's??

24. Best Concert: Tori Amos

25. Best pet: Magik

26. Best Real Holiday: Halloween

27. Best sport: Tennis or Hockey





___Favorites___



29. Movies: To many to count

30. TV programs: Heros

31. Colors: green, blue and black

32. male artists: Nick Cave

33. Bands: To Many

34. Song Right Now: Queen of my heart

35. Best Friends: Snotface, cat, demona and aimee

36. Sweets: skittles or m&m's

37. Sport to Play: I don't do sports

38. Restuarant: Mongolian Barbecue

39. Favorite brand: I would have to say Tripp nyc.

40. Store: Torrid

41. School Subject: English and math

42. Animal: Penguins or Sharks

43. Book: Angels and Demons

44. Magazine: Dark Realms

45. Shoes: HEELS



___Currently___



46. Feeling: Starved

48. Have a crush: oh yes

49. Eating: I will be eating soup in a minute, most likely.

50. Drinking: Nothing.

51. Typing: This.

52. Online?: un?

53. Listening To: New Model Army

54. Thinking About: him

55. Wanting To: see Twilight again

56. Watching: My words as I type

57. Wearing: jeans and a sweet top



___Your Future___



58. Want Kids?: Yes......

59. Want to be Married?: Yes

60. Careers in Mind: Higher up in the food chain of my current occupation

61. Where do you want to live: England, Ireland, Seattle, Boston or where ever my soul mate is

62. Car: 2007 Black Focus



___Which is Better With The Opposite Sex___



63. Hair color: I Prefer Darker Hair or Blue

64. Hair length: not really picky as long as its clean

65. Eye color: I love brown eyes, but any will do

66. Measurements: Don't matter

67.Sexy or personality: Both

68. Lips or Eyes: Both

69. Hugs or Kisses: Both

71. Easygoing or serious: Both

72. Romantic or Spontaneous: Both

74. Sensitive or Loud: I'm not all into loud

75. Hook-up or Relationship: Relationship

76. Sweet or Caring: Both

77. Trouble Maker or Hesitant One: Trouble maker



___Have you ever___



78. Kissed a Stranger: Yes

79. Had Alcohol: Once in a while

80. Smoked: yup

81. Ran Away From Home: Yes

82. Broken a bone: Too many, I'm a clutz

83. Got an X-ray: Yes

84. Been with someone: Yes

85. Broken Someones Heart: Sadly, but yes

86. Broke Up With Someone: Yes

87. Cried When Someone Died: Yes

88. Cried At School: ya, I hated high school





___Do You Believe In___



89. God: in my own way

90. Miracles: not sure

91. Love At First sight: i didn't use to

92. Ghosts: Yes

93. Aliens: Maybe

94. Soul Mates: Yes

95. Heaven: meh

96. Hell: Meh

97. Angels: yea

98. Kissing on The First Date: Maybe.

99. Horoscopes: Yes



___Answer Truthfully___



100. Is There Someone You Want But You Know You Can't Have?: hmmmm. Mind over matter

1. I've always wondered if you really killed him to protect me, or if it was an accident. but, no matter what the answer is I will always love you.



2. I think you are biggest piece of filth to walk this planet. One day, i swear one day, you will get what is deserved to you, I swear i will be the hand that keeps you on the ground as you lay there whimpering,......



3. I've never been able to tell you exactly how i feel about you until recently...but that wasn't all of it.



4. I love you, and I wish you loved yourself enough to stop harming your body with alcohol and drugs. You are worth more than this



5. Why are you so conceited..I really don't understand how someone who came from nothing has become such a bitch. Money isn't all that you are.



6. You say that you aren't all about appearances and money but you're proving yourself to be a liar. You tell me we don't hang out enough but it works two ways, now doesn't it.



7. I've wanted to tell you that i will always love you no matter what you think. You lied to me, you broke my heart in so many pieces...It honestly took me years to get over you....but, i will always love you even though im stupid for it and even though you payed me back with my friend.



8. Just kill yourself..Wouldn't that be better than being addicted to everything under the sun...Wouldn't it? i swear you used to argue with me so that i would leave you and let you wallow in your misery..Well, it worked and there you are alone as you've always preferred it to be....Stop threatening, it won't work anymore...



9. I don't even know you. How am i supposed to just open myself up to you when I don't know you any better than you pretend to know me...You were gone while i grew up..You were too far away and the things you let your child live, the things you let him do to other people....You need to take a closer look at your life and realize that you don't know the first thing about me.



10. I think about you from time to time, wondering what went wrong in our friendship. You were my best friend and I thank you for the time we had.



11. It was highschool chick..Seriously, don't be mad at me because you couldn't handle the way he felt. You are the one that drove him away because of your jealousy....He loved you, anyone could see that.....Guess what, i never liked him, I never wanted anything from him but you continue to hold this grudge...It was highschool...



12. I love you..



13. You are right up there with the other peice of shit that i talked to on here..Your fucking jealousy matched your fucking heart. Both are full of hate. I still have your nail marks in my arm cunt..One day, i'll get to repay you....When you are least expecting it,,im going to bash your fucking skull down your neck...its the least i deserve for the abuse that you gave me for my entire life...



14. you're not even worth more than a sentence.



15. for someone that is so intelligent, you sure never saw that i was in love with you for years did you? (BTH)

I have nightmares...night terrors actually, I can't wake up, I scream, lash out and talk in my sleep until my body decides its time to wake up...These dreams are vivid, I mean down to the color, details and memories... I'm going to visit my cousin (but i've never seen her before)....She has this great place in the middle of the woods and it happens to be winter. Were watching tv and suddenly she tells me that shes on her period and she shows me...(EWE but its important), she realizes she needs to go buy girlie things and tells me that there is a store/apartment right next door and to get my coat on. We head over and the wind is so cold that my nose hairs freeze up instantly. I rush inside and begin to look at the interesting set up that they have..It was like mini macys was in the middle of the apartment building, clothes, shoes, hats, gloves, food, a drug store, everything someone would need to survive, right there...even a bar....it was pretty cool..until....I see my friend candi walking around the store, obviously we both shout out and run to each other, we greet, hug and talk like we normally would, and as were talking , i notice someone go by on a motorized wheelchair. I'm really not paying any attention to them because I don't know anyone in that kind of vehicle. I see another person go by, a man this time..he slows down and gives me a short glare, kinda like he wanted to see if it was me....He was a rocker, built upper body, completely sleeved, long black hair and pretty good looking....I really wasn't sure what he was doing. My cousin came over to me and told me to pick out some clothes because she wanted to go out to concert that night, so I'm looking at the clothes and I find this really awesome black sweater and see the 2 people on the motor wheel chairs go by again...the one was a girl with long black hair and she covered her face as she drove by me. I started to follow them just to see why they kept driving me on purpose...Finally, I found them in a corner looking at shirts and I began to cry when I realized it was my friend of many many years...She was completely the same except that her legs had turned into one leg and she was deformed from the waste down by a drunk driver. I began to cry and asked her why she didn't tell me...and she said "would it have mattered anyways?" I remember saying of course it would and hugging her and breaking into sobs with her..... I woke up crying, dave said that i asked him "why didn't you tell me" and he thought I was really talking to him...I have never felt so sad in my life, I feel like I have changed directions with the friend of mine but I also feel that we need to get back on the same path together....We survive apart, but why do we just want to survive? Dont we want to live? we had such amazing times together, great, good and bad but we were there for each other. I miss her so much sometimes that i just break into a cry and then I think that sometimes she has changed for the better and doesn't need my friendship anymore...... This was one of the worst nightmares i've ever had....

let the games begin:

1. I miss my life 2 years ago.....Everything was still exciting and I didn't feel so deflated.



2. I am a bit judge mental of myself and sometimes the people I love



3. I work with people who are mentally handicapped, and I honestly love it.



4. I think if I were to come into money, I would change everything about my life except family and friends.



5. I regret wasting my life. I beat myself over it sometimes.. I should have graduated 3 times by now :(



6. Sometimes I wish something bad would happen to me to justify how I treat myself.. I put myself into these predicaments and then whine poor me....



7. I am a sex addict.... I wish it were a joke but it isn't.



8. Ironically, Im terrified of drugs but am killing myself with food



9. I see dead people



10. I would strip everyday of my life if I had the body for it.....

It's as if I have awoken from a deep sleep just to return to an even darker, yet some how, sweet slumber. I've been moved plenty, but not like this.



No, not like this.



My core has been rumbled. Sometimes, when passion spews from his tongue, I shiver. The voices of angels could never dare to compare. Sometimes, I just sit and listen. Actually most of the time I merely sit and listen. Theories, stories, life altering experiences rattling my synapses. I crave this, not lust, crave. I needed to be awoken by this, no one else just my sweet angel of darkness.



My Wolfe. How is it possible to be so shaken by a thing I havn't touched or seen. But it's as if I have. I'm lonely for this, saddened even. Sleeping alone has never felt so painful.



No, Not like this........