The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

How is a man measured? By his thoughts? His deeds? Is it by who he is, what he is or what he wishes he could be?



I've had many people here accept what I was. I've had a precious few accept what, to me, is my darkest deed. I'm warmed by the acceptance, yet I still feel so alone. I still feel that I've done things for which I may never be forgiven. Is it just me? Or is it that I wish so desperately for a warm and loving embrace and for someone to share my heart? Because I don't have this I feel that I am as yet unforgiven for my sins of the past. This seems reasonable, or at least something that puts my mind at ease.



And why should sins ease pain? Because it's easier to accept something that was than something that is? And if I so wish that loving and sharing, why do I hide in my room contemplating what could be rather than reaching for it? Is it fear? I've been many places in the world, faced many opponents. Cheated and tricked and fought my way out of death. Ever ready to stand before the gun again. So why fear something that would bring pleasure? How twisted am I inside?