The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

I noticed that a number of people have created helpful guides on VR to assist new members, and I realized I hadn't. Shame on me.



So here I go:



First, you notice that I say "uber" right in my title-that's important, say uber as much as possible. In fact, if I were any good at writing guides, I would have said it at least 5 times already. It's uber important.



Second, get your brother or anyone you know that is old enough to have their own camera to take a picture of you.







Make sure you wear alot of eyeliner, you can never be wearing too much. In fact, if you end up just painting your entire face black and white, you can always write Juggalo in your profile which is another uber cool catagory to make sure people know you are. Then they will know you are a hard ass rebel.



If you can't get your brother to take a picture of you, an acceptable alternative is for you to take a picture of yourself with your cellphone. BUT, and know this, you have to take it from under your face, so that the upward angle looks very dramatic and mysterious; and also so people can't really tell if you are fat or not.



If you don't want a picture of yourself on the profile you can always put an eye on the profile, just one though, as it lends an air of mystery and danger.

Third, you have to come up with an uber cool slogan for yourself: that's what the word "quote"means. My suggestion is that you somehow use the word "fuck". In fact, the more times you use the word fuck in your profile, the more uber cool and hard you seem. Afterall, you don't want those fuckers messin with you or your man/girl. If you can find uber cool or L33t-ish (because L33t is SO over) ways to spell "fuck" even better, because it will let people know that you are street and you have the cred to back it up. Here is a good slogan for your uber cool goth profile:







See, nobody will think that this is you not being able to spell because its a graphic and therefore done on purpose and uber sleek. The same rule goes here for "ur" and "2" because including those things in place of real words lets people know that you have friends that text you, and that lets other people know you are fuccin Kool.



Fourth, the next uber important thing in your profile is letting people know who you are and where you stand AFTER you have given them the warning that they better not fuck with you or anyone who knows you. Never pass the chance to remind people how hard-core you are. It is best to define yourself with quizzes. Not only does this offer precise descriptions of your abilities, it also lets people know you are smart and take uber hard tests to get to the root of your mind: that you do some deep, reflective thinking about yourself. Here is a good example that will establish you right away as a hot goth chick who is fierce:







Also, remember quizzes let people know about your uber mad skillz so make sure to include things like this:







Fifth, you need to let people know about your interests because it is important that at least somebody tries, for once, to understand you. Nobody knows your true love for music, so you have to let them know. The best way is to be flashy because first, it lets people who might have seizure issues know they better not fuck with you, and also it demonstrates your mad computer skillz to have flashy things on your profile. Its best if they are all strung together somehow.







Sixth, the more bands and horror movies you can list, the kooler you look, so don't hold back even if you have to google for it.



*As a bonus hint I will tell you that an altered inspirational type poster that you can include that has a sassy saying will automatically tell people that a bad-ass has arrived.







And finally, don't forget to end your profile by letting people know that you don't give a fuck what they think about you. This is important because it makes people think you are so intimidating that they should be your friend instead of your enemy. It's reverse psychology that really works!



Good luck and good night.

COMMENTS

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Bones
05:16 Sep 27 2008

You really should submit this. You know that , don't you?



LOL, sometimes, you're too much! ;)

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Oceane
05:24 Sep 27 2008

just a tiny question...the eye...on your entry...is it yours?

yes I am a curious person

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pandorasbx65
05:25 Sep 27 2008

I so love you :p

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Sevenn
05:28 Sep 27 2008

No, I couldn't take a good photograph to save my life, and I would be too ashamed to ask Morrigon to photoshop my eye. My eyes are green.

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artemka
10:28 Sep 27 2008

hehehehehe awesome

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LIFEBLOOD
12:22 Sep 27 2008

At least list some stores where I can purchase 'that' cheap eyeliner! ... it has to run in the rain :-P

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Vampirewitch39
22:32 Sep 27 2008

*does a play huff*



But I like my eye pictures.



lol

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LadyChordewa
03:29 Sep 28 2008

*reads through this several times* Well damn, I guess I need to go work on my profile now... *Makes notes of things I need*

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Requiem
13:26 Sep 30 2008

♥



Ebil, ebil monkey.

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So last night the dog decided that our mostly outdoor cat should not be exposed to the rainstorm so she herded him in when he came to eat his dinner. Our reward for listening to the dog was to listen to the cat howl all night long because he wanted to go back outside.



Today, Maddy found a bird that had broken its wing and was laying in the yard. She very gently nosed it over to me: like it could hop, and she nuzzled it to hop over in front of me. Then she looked at me like, "ok, fix this bird." Well, so I did in a way, I guess. I called bird people I knew who agreed to bind its wing and feed it and help it get better. The bird was just chillin on the sidewalk until Troy came over, and Maddy just ran wide circles around the bird, guarding it. Then when Troy put the bird in a box, she sat by the box while we chatted for a minute.



I don't think this is normal behavior for a dog, but I'm not sure.

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pandorasbx65
08:14 Sep 21 2008

Oh how sweet :)

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LadyChordewa
04:15 Sep 22 2008

LOL....Nope might not be normal, but might have been a vet in a past life?

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Jamie
08:01 Sep 22 2008

Wow, that's really neat. =) I like to see that. I also love those vids you see of cats and mice hanging out.

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LIFEBLOOD
12:18 Sep 22 2008

Animals must learn how to be loving from there owners.

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I was reading Images recent entry about a sandwich and it reminded me of this thing K and I have coming up. I am/ we are cooking a big Italian dinner for about 20 people. It's a birthday party, but also, before the party, as a surprise to the birthday girl, I will do a re-committment ceremony for a couple I married two years ago. So thats the cause of celebration birthday and anniversary, so here is the question: Does anybody have any really interesting menu ideas. Back in the day I worked as a chef in this area of food so execution isnt an issue...just drawing a blank. Also, no onions, no seafood, no nuts. Here is what we have so far:



-Antipasto

-[salad] [soup] : con vino bianco asciutto

-gelato



Main:Manzo Italiano and/or lasagna

Crostini...con la diffusione di formaggio

w/ zucca scremata :con il vino da tavola rosso



-torta della pera e del formaggio blu



-canoli and pizelle: con caffè espresso o caffè



Any other better ideas, I am absolutely open to input. Tira Misu would be ok, but its sort of...tired. Osso Bucco is out of the question as I am ethically opposed to veal. An interesting soup, and salad would be great as well as an interesting chicken dish.

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LIFEBLOOD
07:58 Sep 18 2008

OMG, an Italian menu without minestrone soup!!

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Sevenn
16:33 Sep 18 2008

you know...I know...minestrone...but I want something NEW *pouts* I love to make pumpkin soup but it ia just too heavy that early.

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captainglobehead
15:29 Sep 20 2008

I wanna come to your house for brunch...

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The thread in the main forum called "deaths toilet" has made my whole week. My amusement isn't focused on who is writing or responding because the young lady seems quite convinced her toilet is a portal of evil (pronounced like this: eee-ville) so I mean really *shrugs* who am I to say...



My sheer delight focuses on the content itself. "Is my bathroom via the toilet, a portal of death?" Priceless: you can't even...I mean that is B movie GOLD. Then the responses..."you could wear a necklace of Jesus or Mary to protect you so you can relax on the toilet, fearless." Bwahahaha! I also like the guy who comes on matter of factly and says, with a straight face I presume, "Look, I don't think your toilet is haunted." Presumably, there are certain haunting standards for toilets that this case just isn't meeting.



Wow, its been a long time since I have laughed so hard while reading a thread. The funniest thing to me is that the participants are being perfectly serious. So the latest is that the girl will burn incense, candles, and chant while on the toilet.



I wonder what death smells like? Hmmm...eww. By that standard alone I think public restrooms are portals of death too. Or what about creepy outhouses? Nutjobs have been known to live in those things so maybe there is more to this haunted toilet business than I first thought!

COMMENTS

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Vampirewitch39
21:24 Sep 11 2008

hehheheh I am right with you on this. I just came back from the bathroom and ended up laughing my head off as I remember it. People at work look at you funny if you do this. O.o



Can you bless the tank water? Hmmm

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Kontradiction
21:46 Sep 11 2008

LOL>

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Sevenn
21:56 Sep 11 2008

I think if you sprinkle toilet water on yourself and chant, you might REALLY get some strange looks at work.

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mimiminx
22:04 Sep 11 2008

Oh dear Lord I spotted it and its taking me all my strength to stay away from it :) I was going to suggest hanging a miraculous medal of the Virgin Mary in the cistern part and when the toilet was flushed not only would Our Lady flush the shit away but also the eee- ville spirits too killing to turds i mean two birds with the one stone ... Oh god forgive please lol

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Morrigon
22:52 Sep 11 2008

I've often felt my toilet was haunted. I always feel empty inside after visiting it.... Like a lost spirit has left me and gone whirling to a better place.

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Irony
01:49 Sep 13 2008

I have seen deaths toilets before, oftentimes blocked with shit. They are nasty:(

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xxEmaeraldxx
09:58 Sep 13 2008

Not to forget the ringing of bells while she widdles Sevenn! The power of Cris compels you! (btw who is Cris?) hehe!

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STABB666
17:05 Sep 13 2008

It's this kind of stupid shit that makes me wonder whether there's even a point to the forum any longer.

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artemka
20:21 Sep 17 2008

Does this mean that Hell spins the other way round if you live in the Southern Hemisphere ?

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sahahria
13:30 Sep 18 2008

And here my first thought was just to flush :P

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Jamie
08:04 Sep 22 2008

I commented in that stupid thread too. I told her I didn't see that being haunted. Lordy. Most posts in the forum are pretty insane anyway. I sort through and see if I can be a smart ass somewhere. And I can usually find them.



Hey remember those "bathrooms" at rest stops? They were holes to go in? My god, those scared the shit out of me.....which I guess served their purpose.

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So we drove yesterday to go to my family reunion. It was great. It makes me think of people who say they don't get along with certain people in their family, and just makes me very thankful for the relationships I have. My whole entire, extended family gets along so well that it, at times, doesn't seem to be the norm compared with what I hear other people talk about.



And its not like my family is "the same"...we are a pretty diverse bunch. For example, one of my nephews is currently going through a James Dean phase, heavily tattooed, 6'5", rides a motorcycle. I know he is a moody sulky artist elsewhere: in fact his gallery is opening next Saturday, but around us he is the same kid he has always been: funny and happy. We have people in our family that are very wealthy...some poor, most in the middle. But we are a happy group. One of my cousins has a giant mullet and we had to have a serious talk about that. But he is really proud of it: like its a pet, so it isn't going anywhere.



I even got to see extended cousins I hadn't seen since I was a young kid; I grew up with these kids, played with them every day during the summers of my youth and it had been so long since I had seen them I didn't recognize them at first. But you know, as soon as we figured it out, all the strangeness was gone. It was the most relaxed I have ever felt around 60 or so people. The big teenage boys that are mostly men don't tend to get on your nerves as much when you held them all as babies.



It was most definately a day of realizing how much I have to be thankful for, and just how many people in this world care about me and follow what I do. When I talk to some of the people I know on here about how stupidly happy my life usually is, I'm serious. It's often why I don't write about drama and angst in my journal. I don't have much. Now Meeper has told me its a dispositional thing, that people either get hung up on drama or they don't; I suppose that's true. But luckily I have been the way I am for long enough that I often forget to stay mad about things in an easily distracted by other things more interesting sort of way. I would rather laugh. Part of this, I'm sure, has to do with how I view life. So many people think its a test or some sort of gaultlet that you have to run to prove your worth to G*d. I happen to know that there is no test. Whatever cosmic forces may be out there, if any, loves me, protects me and has already found me to be worthy. This conscious life is a reprive from eternity. It's a short vacation, its something new and different. It's a gift. And I for one, intend to enjoy it fully. If I am making this up, if there is no conscious personage that is G*d, it makes no difference to me. Certainly, the universe operates on energy and you can either contribute to the good pool or that bad pool. And if I am deluding myself all the way around then I have fooled myself into a ridiculously happy existence, so shame on me. *laughs*



Also, my cousin and her husband made the best ribs I have ever had.



It was a great day.

COMMENTS

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LIFEBLOOD
21:40 Sep 07 2008

It's posts like these that make journals worth reading.

I'm glad you had a great time.

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sahahria
23:29 Sep 07 2008

I love days like that. Did you find that $20 in your jeans too? Now that would have been too much like a fairy-tale :D

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xxEmaeraldxx
21:34 Sep 09 2008

Having that ideal in life must fill you full of energy. I bet you wake up most days with a smile on your face.. umm, well except when Meep Meep isn't there!



Btw, we eat mullet here is Ireland, and it is yummylicious!

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