The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

When I had moved to Watertown, I thought that maybe I would be able to get rid of all my horrible friends that had hurt me and that were on Ryan's side of everything. Yes, I did have good friends back in Brandon, but there were the ones that I wanted to get rid of badly. The day after I had moved up here, don't ask me why I had called Ryan, but I called him crying my eyes out. When I cry, I can be molded to do anything if I'm in despair when I am crying. He had convinced his friends to come up here and take me from my home. They took me from here in the middle of the night. I do not remember much. I remember Ryan taking me into his arms, whispering into my ear, "You'll never have to worry again my little chinna doll. You'll be safe with me forever now." What all happened that night, I can not say, my memory will not give me what had happened. Probably to horrible to remember. I woke the next morning laying next to Ryan with no clothes and scared. I knew not of where I was, and why I was there. Then when Ryan woke I was trying to dress. I got my beating to getting up before him. Then later his friends took me to the Woman's Inn. A safe haven for women. They tried to get custudy of me. To take me away from my new life. Most of what was said I blocked out of my mind. So I do not remember. All I remember is my brother coming and taking me away. Taking me back home. There was fighting, that's all that I remember. Lots of fighting. No one was hit though. Thankfully. But that was the last time I let anyone take control of me. I put my foot down and said no more. I was tired of the bull shit of Ryan and his friends. There was no more. That was when I got my strength back to fight.

By the age of 14, my life was a living hell. Nothing was going right. Everything was wrong. A year and to the exact day of my fathers dead my Aunt Becky's little sister drank herself to death. She had a horrible drinking problem. She would drink vodka like it was water in big water bottles in her car while she was driving her children around town. She did at Becky's older sisters house sleeping in her eldest sons bedroom. That was a shock that hurt the whole family. That just increased the saddness within everyone in the Gustafson and Klosterman houses.

By the next year, in Febuary, after the 2 year anniversary of my fathers death had passed, on the same day, but a month later, my Grandfather Buzzy died from a heartattack. We got a call from my beloved cousin Ashley. This was just after an accident that had happened with my other Grandfather Irving. He was fine though. But Buzzy wasn't. My father's father was dead. I was his favorite. I was his Tinkerbell. My world decended deeper into the darkness. I broke down in school, I lost all hope of anything.

The the summer of my 16th year, my Uncle Bart's father died in a 4wheeling accident in Arizona. And low and behold, it was the 19th of that month as well.

Then when we moved up here to Watertown, only a few weeks after we had moved up here, on June 19, my father's dog, Booboo Bear died of namonia in one day.

Somehow, the 19th has become a curse in my family. On both sides.

Through the whole time I was being beaten and rapped by someone that I thought was something specail to me, I was slowly losing my mind. Slipping away from the world further then I already was. But the middle of my 14th year of life, I came to the end of my rope and tried to kill myself in a last ditch way out of the pain that was slowly eating me alive. I longed to see my father, to nolonger be someones slave, and to get away from a world that was so cruel to me. I couldn't practice anything that I wished. My religion was the devils work in that town. In my darkest hour of life, I said enough, took my dager and shoved it into my chest. I attempted to drag the dager down my chest to my stomach. I was unable to continue my persuit. The pain was more then anything other pain that I had felt before. I threw the dager from my body and layed there crying and bleeding. I hoped that maybe I would bleed to death on my bed, but no such luck. I just layed there. At that time I had no clue of my healing abilities. I eventually crawled off of my bed and slugishly made my way to my bathroom and bandaged myself up. No one ever knew. Not even my closest friends. No one knew of my attempt until I moved up to Watertown and I told the first guy that was nice to me. He was very nice, to nice to say the least. I was engaged to him, but not for long. But that is another story to come.

Something that should never happen to anyone...no matter how nice or evil they may be is to be rapped. I was...only a few weeks before my 14th birthday. A boyfriend that I thought was something special to me...well, he wasn't if he was going to do that to me. I had no say in anything...i was just forced on top of him. No and's if's of but's. I was his sex slave until just before my 17th birthday. He did horrible things....most of which i wont say...things you only see on horrible documeteries. Being beaten, forced down to pleasure him in ways that you'd only do with someone you were truly with. Not your capter. If you know me, you wouldn't think that I'd let someone be my master like that. But when you're that young, you're to scared. And you aren't sure if that's exceptable or not. Not until you learn the truth and finally put yourself back together. People always ask, "Why did you stay with him all those years?" They've never had to experience that. They don't know what its like. You fear leaving them. You fear what they'd try and do to you if you left. You fear the world of what they'd say to you about it. It's just very hard to get away. I don't think that there was a day that went by when I wasn't his little doll. To dress, to smack, to force himself upon and have it any and every way he may have wanted it. I always struggled again him. But always somehow lost. He wasn't very big guy at all. Really tall, but skinny. But that man, he was a lot stronger then he looked. I'm not weak at all. Never have been. But he was able to take me down, beat the living shit out of me, make me cry, and beg for him to stop. Never did. Only once was I able to make him stop. I was so fed up with it all, I bit him and left a scar....a really bad one too. You can figure out where very easily where I bit him. He deserved it. Sorry guys. But he did. It ended up taking me until i was nearly 17 to get away from that man. I did the one thing that I said I wouldn't do. Cheat. That was the only way I was able to get out of it. I made out with a guy I thought was cute at my new school, told Ryan about it, he was madder then a hornit, and he hung up the phone. When I moved to Watertown, I finaly got my curage back to say no to him and stop him from advancing anymore. For all those years that he had me under his power, he stole my innocence, beat me to a bloody pulp, I had to go to a wedding with bruises everywhere on my body because of him, endure hurtful things that he said to me about myself and my family, do things to him that we and still are descusting in my mind and always will be. Until I die, those memories will always haunt me. You can even ask my Vampire lover, he can't be to violent....or I get flashbacks and freak out. It's something that happenes to victoms. And you can never get over it. You can only live with it and become strong and not let it kill you.