The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Bubba
19:21 Oct 11 2007
Times Read: 637

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly.



The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Cooter and Gomer.



The three men had always done everything together.



Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Cooter said, "Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over."



The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, "Nope, ain't Bubba."



The mortician thought this was rather strange.

So he brought Gomer in, to confirm the identity of the body.



Gomer looked at the body and said, "Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over."

The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, "No, it ain't Bubba."





The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"





Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two assholes."



"What? He had two assholes?" asked the mortician.











"Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say, "There's Bubba with them two assholes. "

When girls drink too much...
16:01 Oct 11 2007
Times Read: 638




1. We have absolutely no idea where our purse is.



2. We believe that dancing with our arms overhead

and wiggling our butt while yelling 'Woo'Hoo!' is

truly the sexiest dance move around.



3. We've suddenly decided that we want to kick

someone's butt and honestly believe we could do it

too.



4.In our last trip to pee, we realize that we now

look more like a homeless hooker than the Goddess we

were just four hours ago.



5. We start crying and telling everyone that we see

that we love them sooooooooo much.



6. We get extremely excited and jump up and down

every time a new song plays because 'Oh my God! I

love this song!'



7. We've found a deeper/spiritual side to the geek

sitting next to us.



8. We've suddenly taken up smoking and gotten really

good at it.



9. We yell at the bartender, who we believe cheated

us by giving us just lemonade, but that's just

because we can no longer taste the gin.



10. We think we are in bed but our pillow feels

strangely like the kitchen floor (or the mop?)



11. We fail to notice that the toilet lid is down

when we sit on it.



12. We take our shoes off because we believe it's

their fault that we're having problems walking

straight.

Wedding Anniversary
15:59 Oct 11 2007
Times Read: 639

Ed was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary.

His wife was REALLY angry.



She told him, "Tomorrow morning I expect to find a

gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less

then 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"



The next morning Ed& ;nbs p; ;got up early and left for work.

When his wife woke up she looked out the window and

sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle

of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe

and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back

in the house.



She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.



Ed has been missing since Friday. Please pray for him.

Peanuts
17:21 Oct 02 2007
Times Read: 642

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.

She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.





After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.





She repeats this gesture about five more times.



When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, "Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?".



"We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied.



The puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?"

The old lady replied, "We just love the chocolate around them."