The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

A husband walks into Victoria's Secret to purchase a sheer negligee

for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to

$500 in price, the more sheer , the higher the price. Naturally, he

opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500, and takes it home.



He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, puts it on, and

model it for him.



Upstairs, the wife thinks, "I have an idea It's so sheer that it

might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, but I'll do the modeling

naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself."



She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose. The husband

says, "Good Grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least iron it!"



He never heard the shot.



Funeral on THURSDAY at Noon

MY FIRST TIME....





It was my first time ever

And I'll never forget

I'd do it again

Without a single regret.

The sky was dark

The moon was high

We were all alone

Just she and I.

Her hair was soft

Her eyes were blue

I knew just what

She wanted to do.

Her skin so soft

Her legs so fine

I ran my fingers

Down her spine.

I didn't know how

But I tried my best

I started by placing

My hands on her breast.

I remember my fear

My fast beating heart

But slowly she spread

Her legs apart.

And when I did it

I felt no shame

All at once

The white stuff came.

At last it's finished

It's all over now

My first time ever

At milking a cow...

I think this one's been around, but it still made me laugh like crazy!



A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the

appropriate point in the process, told him that he would now need to

enter a password.. Something he will use to log on.



The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for

the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the

computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious

to

his wife that he was keying in



P...



E...



N...



I...



S.



His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer

replied:



***PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH***

In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name.



For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.



The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.



Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.



Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink". Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.