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Why do I keep getting hurt? Is it because I am crazy? Or is It because I care? Or is it because she doesnt? The pain is real and I dont know what to do anymore. I was told I should quit while I am ahead. But I never give up. Even though I might be better off. Or is it the alcohol talking? I hate that I have to drink to forget the pain now. The pain that never seems to end. I dont deserve it. I have done nothing to deserve it.



I HURT MYSELF TODAY TO SEE IF I STILL FEEL . I FOCUS ON THE PAIN...THE ONLY THING THATS REAL......







TRY TO KILL IT ALL AWAY......BUT I REMEMBER EVERYTHING.





EVERYONE I KNOW GOES AWAY IN THE END....





YOU COULD HAVE IT ALL, MY EMPIRE OF DIRT....





FULL OF BROKEN THOUGHTS....I CANNOT REPAIR...



WHAT HAVE I BECOME? MY SWEETEST FRIEND?



EVERYONE-I-KNOW-GOES-AWAY-IN-THE-END





IF I COULD START AGAIN, A MILLION MILES AWAY, I WOULD KEEP MYSELF, I WOULD FIND A WAY.

I CUT AND I CUT BUT THE PAIN ISNT GOING AWAY THIS TIME..THIS IS A FIRST FOR ME. USUALLY THE PAIN THAT I FEEL INSIDE BLEEDS OUT WHEN I CUT BUT THIS TIME ITS DIFFERENT, THE PAIN IT JUST WONT QUIT.

I LOVE HER AND I LOVE HER BUT I FEEL SO BETRAYED. I DONT KNOW SHOULD I LEAVE AND SAVE ME LOTS OF PAIN?

BUT I COULD NEVER LEAVE HER BECAUSE I AM THE ONE TO BLAME.. I OFFER HER NOTHING TIME AND TIME AGAIN.

I THINK SHE IS FALLING AWAY FROM ME AND ONLY I COULD BE THE REASON.

BECAUSE I'M NOT THERE ALL THE TIME SHE COMMITS SMALL ACTS OF TREASON.





MY CHEST HURTS SO BAD LIKE MY HEART WAS RIPPED OUT ,BUT WHEN I TOUCH THE SKIN ALL I FEEL IS THE BLOOD DRIPPING OUT.



THESE SCARS ARE FOR REAL, FOR PAIN FOR SILENCE ,THE CHOICE IS RIGHT BEFORE ME BUT I CANT SEEM TO MAKE IT.



I DONT KNOW WHAT I AM BECOMING BUT I GUESS ITS ALL NOT REAL, ILL SHUT DOWN MY AWARENESS SO THIS PAIN I CANNOT FEEL.



I WANT TO HOLD HER IN MY ARMS AND TELL HER ITS OK. BUT SHE ISNT BY MY SIDE AND I WONT SEE HER FOR DAYS..

MY SOUL IS GROWING THIN AND MY MIND IS A FUCKING WRECK.



I JUST WANT HER BY MY SIDE, SO SHE CAN PUT MY ASS IN CHECK.



I CANT STOP THESE VISIONS OF SIMPLENESS AND LOVE, MY BABY IS A GIFT SENT FROM THE ABOVE. MY BABY IS OUT THERE SOMEWERE, VERY FAR AWAY. I HOPE SHE'S THINKING OF ME, AND HOPE SHE'LL COME HOME TO STAY.



I WANT HER IN MY ARMS SO I CAN FEEL HER WARM EMBRACE, BECAUSE WHEN I AM WITH YOU BABY, MY HEART BEGINS TO RACE. WHENEVER YOU ARE NEAR ME, MY PAIN GOES AWAY.



JUST TO HEAR YOUR VOICE, MAKES MY SOUL FILL UP WITH JOY.



BUT RIGHT NOW IT IS SILENCE, I AM FEELING LIKE A TOY.



I GIVE YOU ALL THATS LEFT OF ME

PLEASE RELEASE ALL OF MY STRIFE

YOUR MY BEAUTIFUL ANGEL

AND I HOPE ONE DAY MY WIFE.



M+M

I know now that I am destined to live a life of lonelyness. I have nobody to care for and nobody to care for me. what is the point?

A barrel of a gun is looking truely inviting right about now. I have been cutting myself for hours, just to watch the life drain from me. I feel weak from the bloodloss. I wish somebody could take all the pain away. but nobody can but me.

I have never felt more hurt and rejected, then right now.. I have lost somthing very dear to me and I fear that I will never get it back.

I feel that death should be a fitting ending to what has been a horrible life.



I will carve these initials in the lead of the bullet so she will know she was the last thing that went through my mind. M.J.E.



I will love her even in death..



goodbye people of this planet, you are all stronger than I can ever be..



goodbye my lost love, you meant everything to me.



love always, mat

Father were have you gone?

Mother you have never been.

My father you always dreamed, but you dont ever live in the moment.

Why?

where?

Do you not even care?

Who?

Why?

And you wonder why I dont try?

Do you bother to acknowledge my existance?

Do you forget so easily, like it was just a dream?

HERE I AM!!!!!

Dont you care anymore?

Do you want me anymore?

I dont want you!

I used to but I gave up on caring, a long time ago.

You are nothing more than a horrible dream to me that I have woke up from years ago.

Forget about me, as I have forgotten about you.

These passing moments, dont make a fuss.

My passing dreams just a memory of a love that never was.