The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Oh' to what a morning, and waking up with the worst cramp in my calf .



Man it woke me up out of a dead sleep, all i recall is that i was having a dream that i was entering someones basement, ("do you live in a basement?")

and well as i got to the top of the stairs i was woken up by this sheer pain that i couldnt help but to cry at cuz it was soo painful.



I wonder if that pain i had was someones Wards up and that i were to visit and didnt want anyone near them? who knows



Or it could of been a psychic attack on me, only cuz i was , once again uninvited to where i was.

(which beats me cuz i didnt know where i was.)



SO now that the pain is slightly subsided, i can live again somewhat, but this isn't the 1st time this has happened.

Hell the last time this occured, i was with the last guy in my life... and that was about 2 yrs ago this Nov.



yeah poor little me single again, but i dont want to be alone anymore so i am searching for you, my dearest lost love. You are my life, my love, my soulmate, my Kenetic Mate, where o' where are you. loneliness is unbearable without you.



Come back to me, mi amore.

Sunday August 21st...



Awards Ceromony.



This was it evereyone, time to findout if you were a big winner or just a winner.



Well this ended up being short for me cuz i was not picked, but thats ok i liked it. so i left to find my mom and got pictures of me and my favorite poet...

Dr. Herbert Martin.



After all that we went up to our room to get packed and well we got packed and waited 45 mins for our porter to show up, the slow ass bitch.... anyways we got to our car and she wasnt there . still a slow ass bitch.



After we got our shit in the car, we left the hotel and went on our way, we stoped for gas and coffee.



We drove to till we got hungry and stopped at Popeys Chicken. We found a Jo-Ann Fabrics and when shoping again.



After the shopping we headed on our way the same way we came back. but we had to stop in a rest stop for about 2 hr so that we could keep going later.

We headed for the boarder at about 2 hours from getting home, another 12 +2 for sleep. ( hyiee Dami in buffalo again) we got home and i just slept most of the way and we ended up at my parents place to drop off my moms stuff and say hyie to my dad and show my stuff.



My mom drove me home and i lugged up my shit and before i went to sleep I checked my email and wrote the first two part to this fanstatic ride of fun, fame, friends and an experence that i will never forget all the things that i did from beginning to end.



>:D

Pictures will be in my portfolio!

Saturday August 20th...





I decided to go shopping with my mom today, and well the workshops that i was suppose to go to ended up missing a few i wanted to go to, but did catch a few just before din-din.



Dinner #2 was of A ceaser salad, peppered steak, (yummy) plain rice, carrot slivers a sprig of brocloli and for dessert we had a chocolate/white chocolate mousse w/ 3 berries whip cream and mango/blackberry puree for dipping. WOW!



The entertainment wasnt to my liking, Tony Orlando.

But the comedian was outstanding. Lee Allen what a guy.l >:D



then there was yet sgain this midnite dance party where i was able to get out some songs from the other nite that didnt happen.... anyways i danced till close and went to bed..



Here we go................



At about 2 am i went to bed....... At 2 hrs later the fire alarm bolted me straight up out of bed.

my mom and i got dressed and started to go outside and we saw my faveorite poet, and his wife. we looked for the stairs and headed on down to t he main floor. after wer got outside we all were told it was a false alarm and to go back to bed.



I only got 2 hrs sleep after that and had to be at the awards ceromony.

Friday the 19th



Well its 9am and I am ready to read my poem to a small group of ppl and a judge. Wow, I was so nervous but i got thru it. after i read my poem I received my award for outstanding acheivement in poetry (the trophy and mediallion) I stayed for a bit before leaving and went ot my room to drop off my awards and went to the workshops to see what they were all about.



There was one that i wanted to go to by i missed it cuz of getting my award, so i had to check out the next one i was interested in.

I got tired before one of my workshops i wanted to go to and i had the time so i went to my room to have a nap, well im glad that the muses were watching cuz one of them woke me up at the right time to go to the lecture.

These lectures and workshops were fun and informative....It gave me a new perspective on writing and creating new styles of poetry. At around 4 pm to 5 pm there was a up close and personal panel discussion with the network of ISP (Internatoinal Society of Poets) instructors and lecturers.



Dinner wasnt until 7:30 pm. so there was a wait until then.





Dinner composed of a garden salad w/ a raspberry vingarette to start with, A chicken boobie (breast) with mushrooms, creamy herbed filled rice, and a mix of weird veggies, with desert of lemon sorbet layered with yummy french vanilla ice cream. yum-my! was it ever good, except the veggies.



After dinner we had poets read their works and others works to entertain us after our meals, before we had this comedian, Jack Swersie to make us laugh. (funny but not too funny) after him came the Drifters , i have to say i did enjoy them, my mom expecially.

After the show I was heading to the midnite dance party but be fore i did, the Drifters were signing autographs so i bought a CD of theirs and got them to sign it for my mom, (she loved it!) and another set for myself on the back of my name tag for the convention. After that i danced until 2 am and went to bed for another fun-filled day of poetry.



Continue to day 3

Thrusday Aug 18th....



My mom and I are leaving for Washington. due to my slow typing of poetry and other things at play, we did not leave at midnite like we wanted to, so we left at 5 am.



As we traveled (mom driving only, cuz i dont have a licence) i realized that she smokes Way to fucken much, my lungs hurt cuz of the smoke.



We travelled down thru the rainbow bridge

(oooh rainbows..mmmm) at Nigara Falls on thru buffalo. (hyiee Dami, in buffallo) As we traveled we saw nothing but the plains of buffalo until we got to Pennsylvania, where the mountians were spectactular as drove past them.

I slept a few times cuz i didnt get any sleep the night before, listened to my music,

(cuz my moms was something i wasnt going to listen to all the way down.) tried to crochet but i didnt get too far in that, i mostly tried to kepp my mom awake...eeeewww her and her bloody cigz. ...cough...cough....



As we kept on driving we travelled thru Virginia (only a small part of it) before hitting our destination, Washington DC.



The directions that the internet gave my mom was so weird that she ended up going thur a one way street...hahahaha! But in the end we found the Hilton hotel we were staying in....*Phew we made it, and it only took us 12 hrs to get here. (Just like i predicted, HA!) with only 3 stop overs for (1) gas and (2) streching breaks.



I registered as my mom got our room. we were on the 6th floor and Thank the Gods it was a Non-Smoking room. (ha-ha, my mom had to smoke outside.) >:D



after we settled in we wanted to eat something so insted of eating at the hotel we went out looking for a nice little pub or tavern to eat.....no such luck for that mostly everything in the area was either mexacan or indian or some other kind of international place that would make your ass shoot fire out of. >:D

So we drove around to find a nice place to eat, we drove for 15 mins before we found a place but getting a place to park FORGET IT, so when we didnt find any, my mom said fuck it and we went back to the hotel and ate there.



After dinner we settled in after dinner we went to sleep cuz at my registration I found out that i was to read my poem and receive my awards at 9am on Friday...WOW that fast, i know. Time for sleepies for tomorrow is a busy day.



Continue to Day 2.

Had a stick of MJ and i feel better...

Also i was talking with a member of VR on msn and well they brighten up my evening, even tho it was a shitty day, i feel better now.



Tanks babe, you did a world a good in me, by helping me get out of my rut. *smiles

Why is it that when ever i open my mouth and say something to ppl, they just dont seem to get what I am saying.



Its like as if im speaking a totally different lagnuage and yet its the same language (english) that everyone else speaks.



These days im on the verge of tears cuz no matter how hard I try to get ppl to understand me, they just dont.



...........................(crying session).......................





I just dont know anymore.

What it is that im doing wrong?



I can't take it anymore, no wonder i stay home and talk to no one, or go out for that matter, I meet no new ppl, and the friends that i have dont call me or visit me anymore.



Have I become someone that no one likes anymore?

Someone that ppl look at and either run or turn away from, like some kind of monster?



.....................(crying session).....................





I feel soo lonely right now its unbareable,





.................(crying session)..........................





why cant i be happy, and be comforted by someone who loves me that can tell me that everything is going to be ok ...





................(crying session)............................





when will everything in my life turn towards the better things so that i dont have to be sad and unloved?





contunes to cry......

I sit here and wait as i search for my love, waiting and searching, with no luck in sight...am I that picky...no no, i just know when i will find the one I am to be with.



But the pain of waiting is tremendious and I cry myself to sleep at nites only to be held and caresses at nite my by love who hold & lays close to me while i sleep.



Sigh ...I miss that, I miss being with someone who understands me and love me unconditionally with out straying away to others or leaving me.





ALL I WANT IS A LITTLE LOVE, SO MY HEART BLEEDS IN PAIN FOR LOVE.





Sigh. when will it be my turn?