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I keep away from my family because meeting any of them turns into a shouting match.I associate family with arguments,fights,double crossers and just general dislike.It's strange to say but in my family(though many other people have this as well)

everyone is a wound up spring of negativity,nerves and general dislike.Plus they always need some kind of help,but when it comes time to be helpful in return they load you with more of their own problems.If you don't want to help in return,just give me a break for once.I too am a human being and have certain limits to my emotional stability.I can't sort out three different family dramas in a week.

The latest example of this would be my mother.She's alone now and she's perfectly fine,except that she's probably the most nerve wrecked and emotionally unstable person that I know.Inorder to sort out all those negative emotions she calls me and gets me to the point where I just start shouting.Then she says in a deathly cold voice,"Sweetie,don't be so angry,I only want to help"



Funny how most of her "help" makes me lose clients,friends,girlfriends and even a shot at making a difference

Don't get me wrong I love my mother,but sometimes I wish that I wasn't an only child.



My father is the perfect example of aman who shouldn't have children.He's an excellent advisor,an extremely intelligent and cultured man as well as a good role model.But as a person,he's horrible.He's impossible to get along with in close relationships,he's an incredible egoist and a very good liar.Not that he lies,he just omits very important information.



Anyway there is more,but I just needed to get this written down somewhere to clear my head.Sorry about the waste of data space

So I'm sick with a cold,so I decided to watch a delightful french movie called "Blue is the warmest color"

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frozenVheart
18:03 Dec 19 2013

U poor thing.. Tight warm hugs for u love... Hope u feel better soon..xxx

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I recently added a poem and the thing is it's actually about me.Well me and my ex.Yes I know this sounds childish,but I met her recently and we were very civil,very cold towards one another.

I loved her unconditionally,I really was "crazy in love".Ironic that this happened to me at an age where one is a bit more serious and cold-blooded.Anyway she's not on here(thank god) so I can write this freely.I tried to put it on paper,but my hands shake like crazy when I try and I can't write one legible word.The detachment created by a computer,removes the shaking,but there is still a lot of emotional baggage involved.



Anyway when we met,we were so cold and civil that I could hardly believe that this was the same woman who playfully called me her "playful golden lion"(she liked astrology and I'm a Leo,go figure).

I loved her because of shared interest and her mind,though I guess I loved her body as well.In one word she was perfect,so perfect.

But she left and I know I screwed up.I spent three months in a state where I did nothing but cry.I did everything I could to win her back.

Money,connections,gifts you name it.I got her an antique Yukata that cost a fortune(she loves ancient Japanese culture btw so do I.It was one of the things that brought us together,love of ancient Japan.



Other gifts followed rings,heels,dresses even a top of the line music system.I spent an insane amount of money on them.Well she sent all of them back.She's found someone else now and seems to be happy,but she was my Muse and for some time if I had been given the chance to jump off my balcony I would have done so.

Though I'll never consider that now.



I did learn a valuable lesson though.If you love someone be prepared to let go at any moment,because they will hurt you.There is no maybe,love hurts and is a cruel mistress

COMMENTS

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frozenVheart
21:10 Dec 10 2013

i know it is hard....i know maybe this won't help but..



even the deepest wounds will be healed but scars remains..which remind us of ..Only those who have fallen understand the real (unbearable, indescribable,screaming) pain and the most important thing we survived that...

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Sangreas
21:35 Dec 10 2013

Thank you,Frozen.

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Today we had to place several orders for work.So my boss is on some kind of family vacation,so I had to do it.

Anyway I'm busy and don't have time to haul 200 or so bottles of wine into the cellar.So I ask this guy who is supposed to do the "odd jobs" to do it.Idiot dropped a whole case of wine down the basement stairs,thank god nothing broke.So I figured that unless I do all the things that need to be done,no one will do them properly.

Sometimes working with total idiots makes me want to scream,but at least they're loveable idiots

So I got a Promotion at work and now I`m the asisstant Manager in Charge of everything if the Manager isn`t there,which he won`t be for a time.

It means more Money but it also means a lot more time spent at work.I`ll basically live there,so to speak.Oh well at least I`m happy about it,kind of