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I've had to cut out those who have caused me to be ill of mind, body or soul. Looking back, the tragedy has caused a small revolution in my core. I no longer wish to drown for those who can't swim. It's a new sort of mad freedom. If you are chosen I will share my garden of delights with you. I will hold your hand and spring into child-like laughter with you. I will be the best person I can. We can grow together, bending and twisting toward the sunshine. But if you must call up the wind and the rain in order to feel important, you will be exiled.



Enough metaphors. Ha!



Having my heart broken, and really trying to rely on people emotionally while going through Stevens death.The wreck made me have important insight into most of my long standing personal relationships. I don't do people very well as it is, mostly people need others as a sort of reflection of self-worth and worship. I tend to shy away from that. I tend to shy away from people who walk around looking into mirrors, or carrying around a rain cloud. At the end of the day, my best friend for over ten years ended up telling me she couldn't deal with it, and without much explanation, left me to survive and cry later. I would love to thank her for that. Her decision to drop me as a friend because she couldn't handle a situation really proved the strength of our preconceived relationship. I thought when she said "sister", she meant it. I surely did. I would have walked through hell for her. But the distance between us had always been there. Not in miles, but in life forbidden. We had a good time together, don't get me wrong. She knew me for over a decade. We shared secrets and dreams. I couldn't have asked for more.



But now, I do.



I ask equally out of someone that I do myself. If I can give, so can others. Period.



I wised up. Scars, kid, they make you rethink. I walked out of that heap of wreckage a different Ash. Maybe a better Ash? Ha. Talking in third person is amusing.



Life is to short to try chasing down other people's happiness. Don't. Do. It.



Plant your seeds in your own garden, and share the fruit that follows.