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A couple, hosting a dinner party, were interrupted when the maid called the hostess to the kitchen.



"Ma'am, the cat climbed up on the kitchen counter and ate the middle of the salmon."



Light on her feet, the hostess told her to replace the missing portion with canned salmon, then returned to her guests. As everyone enjoyed the fish, the maid summoned the hostess into the kitchen again.



"Ma'am, the cat is dead!"



The frightened hostess felt obliged to inform her guests and suggested everyone go to the hospital together to get their stomachs pumped.



Returning home after their long, expensive, and embarrassing ordeal, she asked the maid where she had put the cat. "Nowhere, Ma'am. It's still out in the street where the car hit it!"

COMMENTS

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Daire
04:12 Feb 15 2008

But I didn't even eat the Salmon mousse.

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The following are 10 comments made by sports commentators -- mostly British -- that they would like to take back!





1. Weightlifting commentator at the women's Olympic Snatch and Jerk Event: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up, and it was amazing!"



2. Ted Walsh, horse racing commentator: "This is really a lovely horse, and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."



3. Grand Prix Race announcer: "The lead care is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical to the one front of the similar one in back."



4. Greg Norman, pro golfer: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."



5. Ringside boxing analyst: "Sure there have been injuries and evens some deaths in boxing -- but none of them really that serious."



6. Baseball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."



7. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."



8. At a trophy ceremony, BBC TV boat rate 1988: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the Cambridge president is hugging the cox of the Oxford crew."



9. Metro Radio, college football: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."



10. U.S. Open TV commentator: "One of the reasons Arnie Palmer is playing so well is that, before each final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. ... Oh, my God, what have I just said?"

A young, very attractive redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.



"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."



She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony.



She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams. Everywhere she touches makes her scream.



"You're not really a redhead, are you?" says the doctor.



"No," she admits. "I'm actually a blonde."



"I thought so," said the doctor.



"But how did you know?" asks the woman.



"Your finger is broken," says the doctor.