The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Taken from 'Concioud Souls'.

George Orwell once said: The most terrible loneliness is not the kind that comes from being alone, but the kind that comes from being misunderstood; the loneliness of standing in a crowded room, surrounded by people who do not see you, who do not hear you, who do not know the true essence of who you are. And in that loneliness, you feel as though you are fading, disappearing into the background, until you are nothing more than a ghost, a shadow of your former self.

It’s that soul-deep ache of being surrounded by people—friends, family, colleagues—yet feeling completely invisible. You may smile, nod, and go through the motions, but inside, you feel a sense of isolation that words can’t fully capture. You feel as though no one truly gets you, as if the truest parts of you are hidden, left unrecognized, while the world only acknowledges the version of you that fits in.

This kind of loneliness hits hard because it isn’t about the absence of people; it’s about the absence of connection. You crave to be seen for who you really are, to have someone understand your soul’s language, your quirks, your dreams, and the complexities of your heart. But when you’re misunderstood, it feels as if there’s an unbridgeable gap between your inner world and the outside one. It’s like standing behind a glass wall, desperately hoping someone will look through and truly *see* you, only to realize they’re gazing right past you.

In that space of feeling unknown, you start to question yourself. You wonder if you should change, if you should become what the world expects or desires, just to feel a hint of acceptance. But even then, the loneliness doesn’t vanish; it only grows. Because the deeper tragedy is the slow fading of your own essence, the parts of you that you start to hide or let go of, simply to belong. You become a shadow, a ghost of the vibrant self you once were, drifting silently, holding onto the hope that one day, someone might understand.

What makes this kind of loneliness so painful is that it’s not just the longing to be loved—it’s the longing to be known, and loved *for* being known. For someone to look at the parts of you that are messy, complicated, and even broken, and to say, “I see you. I understand. And I’m here.” It’s the yearning for someone to hear your heart’s quietest whispers and to feel the depths of your soul without judgment or expectation.

Yet, even in that terrible loneliness, there’s a quiet strength. There’s a resilience in holding onto your essence, even when it feels invisible. There’s courage in keeping your light alive, in refusing to let the world’s misunderstanding extinguish the fire within you. You may feel unseen, but the truth is, your uniqueness, your complexity, is what makes you extraordinary. Somewhere, someone will value that. And until then, you can value that.

Sometimes, the journey through being misunderstood leads to a deeper understanding of yourself. It teaches you to embrace who you are, even if the world isn’t ready to. It invites you to find peace in your own company, to nurture the parts of yourself that feel lonely and unacknowledged. And, in time, you may discover that the right connections—the ones that see you, hear you, and know you—come when you least expect them.

So, hold on. Keep your essence alive. Refuse to become a shadow, even if that means standing alone for a while. Your true self deserves to be celebrated, and though the wait may feel long, the beauty of being fully known is worth every moment. Your people—the ones who truly understand your soul—are out there, and when they find you, the terrible loneliness will start to fade. You’ll realize that your essence was never meant to be hidden. It was always meant to shine.

COMMENTS

-

---

MooniePie
01:36 Jan 26 2025

This.. so much this. This hit me right in the feels.

---

POST COMMENT

My Dinner with Andre




It's been a while to work through all that's been in my mind lately. I could put it down to distraction, or having to focus on other things, other people and situations. but It's really just down to not being totally focused on myself.

The world has a habit of getting in front of the self, with bright lights and loud noises, as it were. So it's been good to be able to take the time for introspection, to self-reflect, (ha ha). And I laugh because I've begun looking in the mirror each day, to speak aloud to myself the things that make me worth it. I haven't spoken a word yet. Self doubt? Possible. Insecurities? Certainly. Self-loathing? Ah, now there's a card I'd like to get stamped.

I was reminded last week to seek my own path, to decide what I want. That's been difficult for me because it's been a lot of years accommodating what others want, serving, being the giver. It's a hard habit to crack and allow myself to be selfish, just a little teensy bit. And so I thought on that and discussed it at length with friends and it didn't take long to come to a realization- that I'd even tossed aside my original plans in favor of the same familiar cycle.

I'd already made plans to move out of that orbit and move forward for many reasons, but now I understand a bit more nuance from my non-conscious self- I'm at another cliff edge, and another phase of this journey is about to begin. And what was it I forgot? Oh yes, one of the primary motivations and original plans I had when exiting the life I had, was to walk the earth, as Pulp Fiction so artfully expresses- like Jules, my epiphany has already occurred and I need not spend much more time (over) analyzing it.

And so I've taken a few days to start building out the plan(s) for that goal. And while it is a goal, there are many objectives underneath it to be accomplished before it can be fully realized. For one, I'll spend the next six months in a studio apartment, just myself and my dog. Partly as a measure to create space for myself and my need for (re)expression of my identity, but also to demonstrate to myself that I can be alone without being lonely, that I can function for myself for the first time in decades. That I don't 'need' to depend on anyone to make my way in life.

To that end, I'll be looking to use this time alone to purchase an off-road RV trailer in the next couple of months, sort out some property where I can go and camp, then get out of this fucked up society that keeps wanting to turn me into a cog in the machine, or a battery for theirs, as it were. I can still maintain work since I have a 100% remote job. It means mobile satellite internet, but hey, some things I just cannot live without. The Interweb being one of those.

But part of why I left that prior situation, was the way it forced, yes, that's appropriate. Subtle psychological force is still the same. It forced me into modes of thinking that were antithesis to my real way of being. Surrounded by those that held to faiths I never believed, political opinions I never subscribed to and attitudes so hypocritical, it was all I could do not to scoff in their faces. But towards the end of it, I found the volume of that echo chamber so loud, that I could barely think for myself any more. I could sense myself molding into a reflection of all the bullshit.

I wanted out. I needed out. I needed to rescue my own mind before it was shredded and unable to be pieced back together again. And so I did. Not alone, mind you. In no way could a have managed it without the support I received. I acknowledge that as so significant, I can never repay, and that's good because it was given without conditions. Mostly. lol

But I digress. The point being that I've rediscovered a way of being that I've always had. Not a sadness, but a truth of my life is that I truly don't have a place I'd call home. Bristol, perhaps, a few fun years spent there, many friends made and some even kept all these years later. New Orleans? To some extent, but it wasn't really my home. I felt I was more akin to a caretaker for the place. The family, I love. Will always love. It's part of the woven fabric of me and I was there at critical times. I was needed and I provided value. But it was hard for me to let myself accept that I was fully a part of it. A step-father, a non-native, and outsider in some respects. That has been made clear to me many times. And then the loneliness. That is a suffering that was a mind fuck. How can one be lonely when surrounded by so many people and so much love? Hard to quantify that feeling, so I won't. This isn't what that's about.

After 6 months of this journey, I think I'm getting back on track- and along the way, I've discovered that I am being accepted for who I truly am by people whom I do truly love. At times, I still struggle, but as days, weeks, months pass, I grow more sure of it. Affirmations and reassurances aside, I feel as though I'm close to taking a deep look at my eye in that mirror and saying out loud 'I am worthy'.

COMMENTS

-

---

MooniePie
05:17 Jan 23 2025

I'm so proud of you.

---

CuRsEdToDaRkNeSs
05:29 Jan 23 2025

I know that you aren't looking for nor do you need me to be, but I am so proud of you and the progress you are making! *hugs*

---

PhoenixXAngel
19:42 Jan 23 2025

When you look into your own eyes it is easy to see all of your flaws, inside and out. It is hard not to dwell on them, but it is this challenge that will lead you down the path to finding yourself. You must find a way to embrace your weaknesses and forgive your humanity. It is the imperfections that are the true beauty in life. If you are seeking a home, zoom out, welcome to Earth. Where you lay your head is home, and home is where the heart is. So walk the Earth and trail blaze when you find your brain, your heart, your courage, your freedom, and maybe even some of your happiness. The Journey outweighs the destination and by the time you get the end, you will no longer need a wizard to grant your wishes.

---

STABB666
18:28 Jan 24 2025

Nice callbsck!

You're a wise one. And yes, I think that is the best way to look at it- as a citizen of this earth. I intend to realize my own wishes, yes. None of us should rely on someone else to make it happen for us. If we truly want something, we will get it. We only need accept it from our true selves and let it be manifested through both our concious and non concious actions.

---

POST COMMENT

Larson Langston
@highlight

Inspired by an instagram series “in poetry we say “

In English, we say: “I miss you.”
But in poetry, we say:
“I trace the shape of your absence in the spaces where your laughter used to linger,
and let the echoes of you fill the hollow hours.”

In English, we say: “I don’t know how to let go.”
But in poetry, we say:
“I carry you in my chest like a stone—
heavy, unyielding, and carved with the sharp edges of what once was.”

In English, we say: “I feel lost.”
But in poetry, we say:
“The compass of my heart spins wildly now,
its needle drawn to places it can no longer call home.”

In English, we say: “I wish it were different.”
But in poetry, we say:
“I water the garden of could-have-beens with tears,
waiting for flowers that refuse to bloom.”

In English, we say: “I hope you’re happy.”
But in poetry, we say:
“May the sun that warms your days and
be as kind to as the first kiss of dew on the dawning light upon the leafs of the laurel that we once made love under”

In English, we say: “You hurt me.”
But in poetry, we say:
“You planted thorns in my chest with hands I once trusted,
and now every breath feels like an apology I shouldn’t owe.”

In English, we say: “I wanted to stay.”
But in poetry, we say:
“I lingered at the edge of your world,
a star burning quietly, unnoticed in your vast, indifferent sky.”

In English, we say: “I’m trying to move on.”
But in poetry, we say:
“I untangle your name from my veins each morning,
only to find it woven into my dreams again at night.”

In English, we say: “I’ll be okay.”
But in poetry, we say:
“I gather the shattered pieces of myself like broken glass,
knowing someday, even scars can catch the light.”

With poetry I write paths through gardens of grace with words in ways my body dare not go as a whole.