The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

days spent wondering the why's and how's,

chains binding me to the here and now,

could there be no real hereafter?

maybe Alice was wrong

and the rabbit hole is nothing more

then a bottom less pit

of empty words

and broken promises.....

I hate you I hate me,

i hate all the things i see.

with a great big shot gun,

brains all on the floor.

you cant feel pain,

when you are no more......









BANG

slide the hooks into my shell,

the pain it doesnt matter.

for now i know i was your toy,

your not my love but just my master.

damn me for the fool i am,

the fool that fell in love.

the fool who gave his heart away,

in a contract signed in blood.



damn me for the man i was,

that hoped to have a wife.

the man that sought what was not his,

a dear and loving life.



damn me for the hopless child,

that will not learn to grow.

damn this man child to his hell,

for feelings he wont show.



damn me for all my crimes,

imagined and those too real.

but in the end damn me twice,

for the way you make me feel.

pain it isnt bleeding,

its not a cut or there to see.

its source is soo much deeper,

the pain is part of me.

you can see it in my pupils,

at the center of my eye.

becareful of what you see there,

the truth might make you cry.

pain its not my body,

although its me.

pain is what i really am,

not what i feel and see.

the rain is in the mountains,

together they rush at me

I need to wash away my sins,

and sweep them to the sea.

if i believed in heaven,

i would rely on prayer.

but how can i ask a favor,

of someone that isnt there?

so i ask the river,

I ask the rain the sun and sea,

I ask the earth my mother,

to protect and come to me.

the rain is in the mountains,

together they rush at me.

they rush up all around me,

and take me out to sea.

I never asked the world to understand me, or even to try and let me have my way. I just wanted a moment of happiness and thing jsut slip away. I fell in love when i was younger,

and i thought that was enough. If i thought that life was brutal, i had no idea that love was tough. The things that were important, i romaticized them away from. I thought if i ignored them, then i could finnaly be free. The truth is loves important, but its just not the end.

Its just one mile in lifes road, the climb before the bend.

From friend to lovers,

from lovers to friends.

we had a great begining,

but all good things must end.

When thoughts become too numourous,

I extract them them in a moment....

catharsis...self help....self actualization...

virtual therapy

for the whol world to read.

It does not take long to feel it,

the cold when I'm alone.

The sense of invalidation,

when noones picks up the phone.



Its not like i dont see it,

the way you pull away.

how people change directions,

when i would love to have them stay.



Its not something you notice,

from the first time it occurs,

but its not something forgotten,

or ever stops to hurt.



You dont have to be my friend,

you dont have to even care,

but I wish the world was different,

and you acted like i was there.