The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Sweet dreams my tired soldier!
07:57 Oct 28 2006
Times Read: 630









( Honey before I go up to soak my freezing body in a hot bubble bath and think of you....I want to say "I love you." Now...and forever I'm yours! I miss you, and want you in my life always.

Love your Beth)

I miss you!
06:20 Oct 28 2006
Times Read: 632















How is it , that in such a short period of time, you have not just captured my heart, but written your name upon it? How is it , that you alone make me smile even when my day is hard, or I'm feeling sick? How is it dear man, that you are now also my best friend, some one I feel comfortable sharing my deepest desires and wishes with?



I miss you Jon! I miss holding your hand, laughing with you and watching your eyes flash with mischief, snuggling up and watching t.v., talking about what ever is on our minds, making love with you till I feel so much happiness... tears fall down my cheeks. I miss you more than you will ever know honey, and my arms are right here waiting for you to come home.

* softest kisses* love your Beth

My Jonathan
17:52 Oct 27 2006
Times Read: 646

My heart was changed forever, when you came into my life. What I thought was just the start of a long distance friendship , became so much more. Never before had I met a man who understood me, seemed to know how I felt, even when I didn't speak my feelings out loud.

And the way you love me.... will never cease to amaze me. I don't have to tell you how to love me, nor do I have to wish you would understand me. For you already seem to know just what my heart, body, and mind have needed all these lonely years. For the first time in my life my heart is completely satisfied, and filled to over flowing with joy.



I never dreamed I could love a man so deeply, nor need him so much! For some people promising forever to some one else may seem like the end of their freedom, and happiness.

But for me....promising you forever is the very thing my heart desires! I have finally found my soul mate, and no one else will do!



You are my Jonathan, the man I was meant to love, treasure, and.... snuggle up with till you get sick of me and shove me off the bed lol! ;)





( I'm having such a wonderful day, just because ...you love me! :)

For my Jonathan ...lol!
06:38 Oct 26 2006
Times Read: 656









Okay honey.... I hope this fall, winter, spring and summer go by fast, because ROOOOWRRRRRR.... I 'm so damn horny for you, lol! I love you, good night sweet thang!;)

Echoes of my heart
04:28 Oct 26 2006
Times Read: 659

From the moment I awaken , his name echoes in my heart and mind. This morning I heard the words "I love you Jon," softly spill from my own lips as I woke from my dreams. Every night I close my eyes and think of him ,... the last words I whisper are " good night sweet heart, I love you!"



Nothing could have prepared me for the love I have for this man! it continues to amaze me, and make me a better person. I've learned to trust again, and believe that romance isn't dead, and that real love still exists.

I 'm his now and for always!
22:41 Oct 25 2006
Times Read: 671

I've never felt this way about any man before.

In fact, before I met him I had almost lost hope that a love like this even existed. Now I realize, what I should have seen all along. When you're with the right person, you feel it with your heart, know it in your mind, and their name echoes in your soul. When you're with the right person, you can be yourself with them, and be loved just as you are. When you're with the right person, your heart cries out to be near them, your love and passion for them grows, no matter how long you have to be separated.



I remember the very first time he touched me, I knew at that moment, I never wanted anyone else's touch but his. It was like I was made to be touched & loved by him.

Loving him is so natural for me, holding & touching him is like heaven.

I love his sense of humor, his sensitivity, his imagination, and so many wonderful things that make up the man he is on the inside. I think he is incredibly handsome and sexy, but it doesn't even matter what he looks like.......because I love him, he is the only man I want or need.



I won't lie..... because of my past, it took some time for me to risk it, to give him my full trust, and all of my heart. But now...I'm so glad I did.

I want to be his forever, love him and encourage him, share my life with him for as long as he wants me. I know deep inside, what I knew that day I first saw his sweet face, that I am his now and for always. I know there will be hard times ahead, moments that hurt.. and lonely nights, but somehow the love I have for this man is so strong, I don't fear the hard times.



At first it just about killed me to be separated form him, but know I know his love is always with me, no matter how far away he may be.



I love him so much, it feels like my heart will soon burst with happiness, and I want to give him all that is in my heart when he returns home.

How I love him, miss him, and need him in my life....he is a true gift from God!

You!
06:23 Oct 25 2006
Times Read: 675

You, have changed my heart forever!

You, have given me a love I never knew existed.

You, and you alone, make my heart swell with happiness, turn my tears into laughter, and make me want to eat you up! ;)



You are an amazing, special man, and it's such a blessing and honor to have the chance to love you!



You are my Jonathan, my dearest one, my soul-mate, and I love you with a fierceness no one, and nothing will ever destroy!

How did I get so lucky?
04:34 Oct 24 2006
Times Read: 679

Okay so I've had one of those shitty days we all have once in a while. The kind of day you hope will end soon, so you can get in bed and hopefully start the next day out better lol! ;)



Well I would have to say I am the luckiest woman on earth to have such a sweet man love me. He always knows just how to cheer me up, or make me feel special. I only hope I do the same for him too, because I love him with all of my heart!



Good night Jon, feel better soon, & thank you sweetie.... for loving me! *kisses*

Some asshole stole my dog!
01:59 Oct 24 2006
Times Read: 683

I got a call from one of the apprentices that my gate was open we he got my house to pick up supplies this morning, and that he didn't see my dog. Sure enough someone opened my gate and took her. Fucking asshole, has to go and break my kids heart. What a shitty day. The only good thing about it was getting a phone call from Jon, the rest I want to forget.

For my Jonathan
19:57 Oct 23 2006
Times Read: 687

Sweetheart, I wish I could take care of you today, though I feel like shit too lol.

What a sad pair we are today, we would just lean our sick tired bodies against each other, and pass out !

I hope you'll feel better soon baby:)

Love you!

While He sleeps ( For my sweet soldier)
05:18 Oct 23 2006
Times Read: 695

While he sleeps...I will slip silently into his dreams.

My warm naked , perfumed body slides under his blankets, and I melt against him. My heat slowly warms his shivering tired body, as I wrap my arms around him. As I feel his face snuggle up against my breast, I wonder...can he hear my heart pounding? Tonight it's enough to simply hold him, to watch his sweet face , as he relaxes against me. Tenderly I place soft kisses upon his forehead, my hand gently caressing his face. I whisper " How I love you Jon!"



This is only way for me hold him, for my own sleeping spirit to travel across the miles, and give him my love.



Tonight he is not alone, & I hope as he sleeps he knows that I want him. I want him because I love him so very much. I want him in my life today, tomorrow, and for as long as he wants me. I want him and his tender romantic heart so much, it hurts to be separated from him.

But..he is so dear to me , he is worth that pain.

One day, one moment with him brings me a happiness I can't begin to describe. So tonight..in just a few minutes, when I lay my head to rest and begin to dream, I will come to him. I will hold him, just as I will when he comes home. Someday, I hope for the chance to look into his eyes, that he might see just how special he is to me, and that he might feel the love I have for only him.





( Goodnight my love, I will be with you in a few minutes! Love your Beth)

An amazing love!
20:09 Oct 20 2006
Times Read: 701

Last night I dreamed of holding Jon in my arms, and watching his sweet face as he slept. I dreamed of gently touching his face, and softly kissing the cheek he rests against my warm naked breasts. I felt so loved, so wanted, and happy to have the man I love in my arms.

I felt him snuggled up to me all night...but how? He miles and miles away in Afghanistan? How is it, I felt him with me last night? I was given a dream I will never forget.



I thank God for the gift of this amazing love, the gift of Jon. At times I wish I would have met him many years ago, but then again I realise how much growing we've done through the hard times in life. I don't think either one of us will take this love for granted, I know for sure that I won't.



I dare to wish for every night to be as sweet as last night, it will make these months apart so much easier for me to bare.



Yes life goes one with out Jon here, but in truth he is right here in my heart, with me every moment of every day. I am blessed to have him in my life, and I will treasure every moment I'm given with him, and love him for the special man he is. He is never alone, he carries my love with him, no matter where the ARMY calls him to go.

I need no other love, I need no other arms. Only my loving, sweet soldier can satisfy the longings of my heart , and body.



I love you Jonathan, and feel blessed to be your mate!

For my Jonathan
08:40 Oct 19 2006
Times Read: 713

Well it's late , but my throat hurts, I'm running a fever, & it's kind of hard to rest. Before I TRY to get back to sleep, I want to tell my Jonathan something...( I just hope I don't mess it up lol.)

I want him to know that every day, my love for him grows stronger, and deeper. It used to frighten me, but now I welcome the dramatic , yet real changes taking place in my heart. Some how his love is gently, tenderly, slowly healing the scars of my past, and replacing sorrow & longing, with happiness and hope.



I thank God for the gift of YOU, my Jonathan! You are a priceless, sweet gift beyond any I could ever dream of , or dared hope for. For the first time I am loved the way I've always wanted , & needed to be loved. My sweet man, I need you, I truly need you in my life. Oh yes, I could live with out you, but it would be like the light had gone out in my world, nothing would ever be the same. For even now , I can barely remember what life was like before I met you. I only know that I want to love you, and be loved by you for the rest of my life.



I'd better get some rest, so I leave this last little thought. " I love you Jon, and there is no doubt in my heart and mind that I will love you forever."

Save a camel....ride an ARMY man!
04:45 Oct 19 2006
Times Read: 718

Well , just to those guys out there that want to

"fuck me" , "Tie me up" , "enslave me."

LMAO, all of you put together couldn't even come close to my soldier, so piss off!

Just for my Jon!
03:19 Oct 19 2006
Times Read: 727

I've decided to stay on VR for one reason only, because it makes it easier to tease, and give long distance love to my sweet soldier.



SO if anyone hits on me . they will be blocked...well unless you're Jon, then you may grab my ass as much as you please!

leaving the past behind me, and moving on
03:01 Oct 19 2006
Times Read: 735

I had a talk with the ex. today...got some shit off my chest.

Yes it hurts to know that all he ever wanted, and all he asked of me or of his currant girl friend, is that he be worshipped, obeyed, and be free to lie, cheat, and act like an ass. He offers no love at all, no commitment, nothing of lasting value, and no family values.

He never wants to marry again, not because of hurt from his past, but because he never wants to give his heart, and never did. Sex will always just be sex for him, no heart involved, no passion or romance offered.



Well his girl friend is happy now, with a shallow, one sided relationship , but I have to guess in a year or two, she will want more, and he will either lie to her, or throw her aside for the next lay.



That makes me sad, but then again, he is no longer my concern.

I have chosen a different path. I want to give my boyfriend, my mate....all that I am. I love him so much that I couldn't hold back my heart if I tried. When I touch him....my love flows through my body to him, no holding back, my passion for him is endless and deeper than lust.

I want him , HIM.... not just for his body or any of that, but for the man he is on the inside. TO me he is the most handsome, sweetest, smartest, romantic, funny, crazy wonderful man in the world. ( Notice I didn't say perfect lol, because I know every one makes mistakes.)



This may sound old fashioned, but here it goes.

I really do care what God thinks. I also respect my body enough, that I only want to share it with a man who truly loves me, and I him.

I want commitment, not in a stifling way, but in a " you are the one I want and need" kind of way. What is the point of dating some one you'd never get serious about or marry? If your just out for sex, hire a whore. If you just want $ find a sugar daddy. But...if you want love, joy, and happiness, let your soul, your heart lead you to the right one, then give freely from your heart.



I know deep in my heart I've found the one.

Where there once was hunger, longing, and emptiness, there is now laughter, satisfaction, comfort, and real love. I wouldn't trade my Jon, for all the money in the world, nor some

" hot celebrity" , no one can compare to the way my Jon , makes my heart feel. I love him so much.. it almost hurts.



I don't know what the future holds, or if all my dreams will come true...but one of my dreams has already come true. I am loved , truly loved by a special man, and I love him with all of my heart.



I am one blessed woman!

Can't wait for that bath lol!
00:34 Oct 18 2006
Times Read: 743






For some reason I've been cold all day, and I can't wait to take a really hot bath tonight. Maybe I'll finally warm up.

I miss my Jonathan.

I love you honey!

Tired
00:25 Oct 18 2006
Times Read: 745

So damn tired, pretty sure I'm going to get the kids to bed early tonight, so I can take a hot bath and turn in early too. I feel like shit.

Shit
20:40 Oct 17 2006
Times Read: 747

I'm so damn tired of this.... have a seizure then not even being able to remember my own fucking phone #, or address. I have to write everything down at work so I don't forget...I'm forgetting the words to songs I've known for years. Fuck it all, I don't give a damn anymore.

I'll just keep pushing on.

Okay God I accept it
19:04 Oct 17 2006
Times Read: 751

This will be my last week on VR.

From this time forward I will be focused solely on my kids, My Jon, My work, and my health issues.



I have enjoyed being here, but I need to focus on my health, and will be very tired , and sick, and need my strength both mentally and physically to take care of my kids, and support them.



I've accepted what I knew before I went the doctors. It's all in Gods hands, and I'm just going to enjoy, and treasure every day He gives me.



I wish you all happiness, and love.

Dumb asses
07:10 Oct 17 2006
Times Read: 758

Why is it I can plaster, that I love SGTSNEAKY/Jon/my soldier, all over my page, and still get hit on all the time by really rude jerks?

Go back to school and learn how to read morons!



Sorry, just venting lol!

Love you JON!!!!!!!!! * smooches*

Just laugh!!!!!
00:34 Oct 17 2006
Times Read: 764

'What will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

( With the dreary weather, and just the normal crap in life, I needed a good laugh.

It's good to know I will have a lovely obituary lol!)

Since some have asked...let me tell you! :)
21:04 Oct 16 2006
Times Read: 771













Okay so I may not be like some members of VR. I'm no dark, depressed, wanna slit my throat, hate filled child of the dark. I do have a thing for night, but my soul & personality are not dark at all.



Once long ago in my teen years I lived in a dark, lonely, sad depression. Oh yes tried to kill myself several times too. I wore dark cloths all the time, listened to depressing music, and pretty much shut down my heart for a while. So do I ever want to go back to that darkness? Hell no!

Life is about living for today, and even through the rough times, finding joy.



Inside I am filled with light, I feel great love and continually seek peace.

There is enough crap in this world, enough ugly hateful, selfish crap, why would I want to be ugly in my own soul? Those who live only for lust, greed, and self pity, are not really living.

Sex with out love is worthless, money with out sharing what we have with others...makes us poor in spirit, and self pity makes us true losers.

So you're going through shit, every one does!

So get over it, start caring about others, and you'll find your life isn't really that bad.



The only dark side I have is my naughty, sexual imagination, and that's the damn truth! LMAO!

For my soldier! ( I love you!)
05:05 Oct 16 2006
Times Read: 777









Though my heart aches,

to be with thee my love,

I understand you must fulfill this service & duty.





Though every moment I feel,

as if a piece of me is missing,

I can feel the warmth of your love with me.



I care not what others say,

for they fail to see my heart,

they shall never understand this love.



Thou art my soul mate,

the one I was meant to love,

I'm forever yours, my love I give to thee.



I love thee!!

Nothing , and no one will harden my heart
04:45 Oct 16 2006
Times Read: 779









I didn't have to...but when the ex. called and said he was sick, I told him I'd come pick up the kids early so he could rest.



I also did something that was hard for me, but I knew in my heart is was the right thing to do.

(You see, in my heart I'm a natural born care giver, it's not a matter of pride, or making myself feel better, I just like taking care of others, and making them feel better. Since I was young, when anyone was sick, I would make them a card, pick them flowers....and later cook them meals, mow the lawn what ever they needed.)



So this afternoon I bought a kind get well card, spent two hours cooking my special home made stew & muffins. Why was that hard? Because I knew there would be no thank you, not even a nod of the head in gratitude from the father of my children, in fact I expected a sneer, or rude remark.



I carried the food up the stairs, and rang the bell, my son let me in... I laid the food on the counter, got my kids dressed to go home, and told the ex., I hoped he felt better soon.

He never spoke to me, never even turned around...but you know what? I still think I did the right thing, I set an example for my kids, that when some one is sick , lonely, or sad, the right thing to do is care and do what we can for that person. Even if that person would rather spit in our face than say thank you, our heart should never become hard, or fail to have compassion for others.





Nothing will harden my heart!

Like lovers of ages past:
04:09 Oct 15 2006
Times Read: 790

Long ago lovers would be separated by war, or other circumstances, and would rely on letters to express their love. The courtship would grow deeper, as a lady would share her heart by the simple act, of writing her feelings down for her beloved. Just imagine a soldier in the field...receiving her words of love, knowing she is waiting for him to come home. And just imagine the joyful tears in her eyes, every time she would open his letters , and know he was safe...and that he still loved her.



What a wonderful, passionate way to court, to really get to know some one with out the modern lust only relationships many seem to be pursuing. In many ways e-mails between those who truly love each other, are the very same as those long ago letters. Words of love, and expressions of passionate longing, confessions of the heart.



( I pray my mate...my sweet soldier knows how very special he is to me, that even though we are separated by war, my love continues to grow,& my heart is faithful.

There is no other man for me, he fills my heart with such joy! I love you Jon!!! )

Missing my Jon!
19:35 Oct 14 2006
Times Read: 792









I miss you so much sweetheart. I guess this headache is a blessing in disguise, because after I rest a little , I'm going to write you lots of mushy, gushy, and...naughty letters, to be mailed off Monday. With the house quiet, I can feel your presence with me. How I wish I could snuggle under a blanket and rest in your arms.

I love you!!!!!!!

Stupid frigging headache!!!!!!
19:22 Oct 14 2006
Times Read: 793

I really wanted to help my buddy get his parent's firewood in, I feel so bad about his dad being injured. I also know that I may not see my buddy for another year or two, as he will be moving to CA , is getting married & hopefully gets to have his son live with him. I'm sure his job will take him overseas alot too, as always.



Maybe I'll just have to cook his family a meal, and take it over there before he leaves next week. I can't wait to meet his fiance', she sound so perfect for him...unlike his psycho bitch ex. lol!



I hate these stupid migraines, I feel so sick, tired and uuuuhggghhh, Jon knows what I mean.

The only thing I wish for today ids a hug form my honey...but I know he loves me. In a few minutes when I go snuggle up in my chair, and hold that teddy he gave me, I'm going to think of all the wonderful times we will have together when he gets home.



I love you Jon, with all of my heart!!!!!!!

XOXO love your Beth

Does HE know?
04:57 Oct 13 2006
Times Read: 798

Does HE know?

Can HE feel this wonderful love growing within me? Can he see what a special man HE is?



Does HE know... that HE is the only man , who has ever made me feel this way? Can HE hear the love in my voice when we talk on the phone?



Does HE know....that I want to spend the rest of my life loving him, enjoying every moment we are together?



Does HE know...that there will never be another, that HE is all I need?



Does HE know?

HIM!!!!
19:48 Oct 12 2006
Times Read: 800

I sit here on my coffee break, and HE fills my mind. Not worry, not doubt, or fears of what might happen as HE serves overseas, but thoughts of deepest love.



Never in my sweetest dreams did I dare believe I could feel this way about a man. Every time I think of HIM I smile, a mist of tears makes my eyes shine. Other people notice , and comment on it, I don't even know how to respond to them.



Like this morning , there I was at Home Depot, picking up supplies, and 8 guys shopping there, and even a woman working there, stopped, stared and told me I was beautiful. The funny thing is I don't think I'm "all that " at all! One of the men said that my smile is "radiant, and I look like an angel." I just softly said to him," I'm smiling because I'm so in love, and I feel loved. "



What is this love, that others can see it shine in my eyes, and notice the genuine happiness of my smile? For the first time since I was old enough to want to love a man....I am satisfied, happy, and have so much love in my heart, my chest aches with joy!



I'm not worried about what all this means, but I'm so happy I've found my mate, the one I can fully trust with my heart, be myself with, the one who seems to know my heart, without me saying a word.

( How is it, that he knows just what to say, just how to touch me, so that I feel beautiful , respected, wanted, and loved? He is the only man who has made me feel this way!)



All the pain and sorrow my past is not only healing, but being replaced by an inner strength, and knowledge that I deserve to be loved.All those years of being told I didn't look the right way, or that everything I did was wrong, all those years of the kids and I being lonely....all of that is fading away.



I pray God will allow me at least a moment to hold & tell my special soldier how much I love him, but if God takes him to heaven, I hope my Jon knows he has my heart forever more. No other man could take my beloveds place.





( I love you Jon!!!)

Romantic quiz results, lol! :)
15:03 Oct 12 2006
Times Read: 803

You're a nurturing romantic.





To you, romance is about supporting each other -- cooking a nice meal for your beloved, laughing at his corny jokes, or pretending to like his crazy relatives. You like flowers and chocolates just fine, but would prefer hand-picked posies to an expensive florist's bouquet, and homemade cookies to anything at the Godiva shop. It's the same with anniversaries or romantic getaways: you like them, but what really brings out your romantic nature is fluffing his pillows when he's sick. Similarly, you swoon when he fixes your stuck window, or even helps you fold the laundry. Your deep understanding that true love means caring for one another is sure to bring you a rich and lasting relationship

For my soldier!
14:51 Oct 12 2006
Times Read: 804

Come rest in my love, let your mind be cleared of all pain and sorrow, let only light, and warmth fill your very soul.



Let my love restore your energy,

know I think of you always.

You are never alone, my heart is with my dear one.





When the nightmares come, come to me,

go to the memories of your leave,

dwell on how you felt when I held you.

Find joy, in all the times we laughed,

all the special moments we made love.



I'm with you always my darling,

and if you listen.....,

through the sound of bombs, and gunfire,

you will here a soft voice whispering,

"I love you my Jon, how I love you!!!!"

For my Soul Mate!
04:21 Oct 11 2006
Times Read: 808









Dearest one, I miss you so very much!

Tonight, when your shift is done, and you lay your tired head to rest, dream of me. My darling, dream of my arms around you, my soft kisses tracing every line, every inch of your body.

I love you...may you have sweetest dreams sweetheart! XOXO , love always your Beth

Future..sorry honey... LOL! ;)
04:02 Oct 11 2006
Times Read: 809

The only chasing I want my mate to do, is when I "run away" from him in the kitchen, as he's trying to pinch my ass. And yes the only games I want to play with him, are ones like...naughty nurse gives the wounded soldier a sponge bath!

I would love nothing more than to fall asleep cuddled up with my mate, and to wake up to his.. stiff Mr. yummy, and sweet face every morning! :)

(So I'm horny for my man..it's been months people, so shoot me lol! )

My home!
18:28 Oct 10 2006
Times Read: 814

I'm on my coffee break, so I thought I do a little

"spilling of the guts" lol!

I 've been trying to decide if I should move to get away from my ex. and give up the house I've always wanted. Or just be brave enough to set limits, and make sure they are enforced.



Well I've talked to my kids, I've thought long and hard about it, and I'm staying. My house isn't new, but it's a comfy 4 bedroom California split, with a huge yard.

My house payments are about the same as renting a 3 bedroom apartment, so moving out of here would really suck. Plus my home is right down the street from my kids school, & many places of business. I'm also enjoying fixing up the house the way I like it.



So instead of moving away, I'm changing careers, and only working part time for the company I now own with the ex., and being firm ( getting it in legal paper work)about my ex. ceasing to harass me.

I love my home, and I'm tired of moving around. I want my kids to see our home as a place of comfort, warmth, love, and laughter.



I even made an extra house key today, for a certain somebody..., because as long as he loves me this will be his home too.



So kids , unpack the rest of your stuff from our old house, we are staying !!!!!! YIPPEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

Scared and in pain...
04:55 Oct 10 2006
Times Read: 817

I know what causes the pain in my head, I 've had the cat scans..done the tests. I fear not what causes it, I only fear what the swollen nerve to does to my body.The pressure on my spine... vomiting, passing out, and loss of short term memory..and some times seizures.

I fear driving with my kids in the car when I have a headache like this..scared I will pass out.

So I pray to my Father in heaven ..for You alone can take away this pain I've had for over a week. You know I try to just work through the pain, but Father I need my sleep, and I need to be able to work and take care of my children.

I can only pretend I'm okay for so long Father, the pain is past the point of smiling tonight.

Soon, I will go to bed, and the tears will come.

My head hurts so bad Lord.

Please if it's your will relieve my pain, and help the doctors to know what to do about my loss of memory.



I will hold the teddy bear Jon gave me , and inhale the faint scent of his cologne , and hope tonight I will be able to sleep.



Good night my Jon, I love you!

The nightmares......
00:46 Oct 10 2006
Times Read: 823

These nightmares plague me, threaten to steal my rest, my peace, my smile. I awaken crying out for help, but as always the silent shadows remind me, I will find no comfort this night.

I wash away my tears, scrub away the evidence of my fear, so that when my children awaken they see only smiles, and security.



My heart aches, my soul bleeds, I wish to be free of these nightmares, the fear that those men will find me, and this time I won't be lucky enough to survive.



There is only one place I feel safe, and that is in HIS arms. I only pray God will give me strength, to face my demons alone, to fight the images from that night long ago, the memories of awakening..my body lay broken and raped, the night they tried to beat away my dignity.





I never thought I'd feel beautiful again, but HE makes me feel beautiful, and worthy of more than lust. HE makes me feel loved. I long to feel HIS arms around me, HIS loving touch.



Some tell me I'm crazy to wait so long for a man ...wait for HIM to come home, when others offer me their company right now. But I say, " who could replace a soul mate? Who could else could bring me such joy, and love me for who I am on the inside? Is there another who not only understands my sexuality.... my hunger for passion & love, but knows how to return it, till I weep from feeling so loved?

There is only one! I have been offered $, sex, and arms to hold me, but it's all worthless compared to what my dearest one offers me.

He gives me true , deep, endless love.

I want no other than HIM, no matter how long I must wait, HE is worth every tear, and every night spent alone. And when HE returns home, I shall snuggle up into HIS arms, and whisper all my heart desires HIM to know.

I love him for the man HE is today, & the man HE will become through life's trials.

When others would give up and say the loneliness isn't worth it, I say hold on, hold on to the best thing that has happened to me since the birth of my children. "



I love you SGT Jonathan Allen, and I would wait an eternity for you to come home. Even though out of fear I have tried to fight it, I know in my heart I'm yours now , and always.

HOW I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

I want to hold you...forever!
08:15 Oct 09 2006
Times Read: 825




( My dearest one, you are the only man who has ever made me feel loved, and the only man who fits into my arms like I was made to hold you!

If I should get to hold you once more, it would bring me such joy, but to hold you forever...would be heaven!

I love you my sweet soldier, good night!

Love Always, your Beth

Go fuck yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
04:21 Oct 07 2006
Times Read: 829

Damn it, I'm so tired of my ex. calling me drunk, and saying stupid, mean shit to me!!! ( There I was laughing, sharing dinner at the park with my 3 kids...and he had to call and ruin it.)

I warned him tonight, that after I find a new job, he is not to call me unless it is and emergency about the kids.

I told him tonight if he keeps trying to harass me, I will get fucking restraining order. I think that sobered him up lol!

I'm seeing that I may have to move next summer, to get away from him.



He can just go fuck himself in the ass for all I care! ASSHOLE!!!!!!! LOL! I feel better now :)

I wait for you!!! ( For my SGTSNEAKY!!!)
05:51 Oct 06 2006
Times Read: 833









I wait for you.. to visit me in my dreams tonight,

come to me in my slumber, cover my soft skin , with warm passionate loving kisses, touch me in the way only you can, look into my eyes and see the love I have for you! Make love with me...let the waves of pleasure, and love wash over you, till for a moment only we two exist.

I wait for you, and you alone...let your shadow fall across my dreams, make love with me my dearest one!



Love your Beth

Tonight
20:27 Oct 05 2006
Times Read: 838

Tonight I will obey when God asks of me, though it breaks my heart, and challenges my faith in every way, I will trust in His wisdom.



It's time this family of mine had some peace, and stability.

Dear God,
15:04 Oct 05 2006
Times Read: 843

Dear God,

Today I must make some very important decisions..... ones that will effect my children, myself, and the rest of my life. Please Lord show me what to do, speak to my heart, and guide me in the right way, help me to obey You no matter what the cost. I'm so tired Lord, weary of it all, I wish I could just rest....be taken care of ....just rest . That is not an option, for 3 little boys depend on me to give them not only their basic needs, but to be a strong, loving, unwavering presence every day. Lord I struggle with my heart, with what I want and need personally, and yet what life has handed me.



God some times it doesn't seem fair...that just when a light comes into my life, I'm denied it's warmth, and comfort. Lord show me mercy, and give me the strength for one more day, one more step, dry my tears, and help me to push on.



I love you Father!

In Jesus name Amen

I am yours!
07:21 Oct 05 2006
Times Read: 848

Honey, I wish I could look into your eyes right at this moment, so you could see just how much I love you! I think you already know how much I want be yours...you have stirred up a deep desire for something... I once thought I never wanted again. Yes it scares me, but at the same time I wish for it to happen at the right time...with all of my heart. I wish it would have happened years ago!



Honey...I don't know how long God will allow us to be together...but if He will show mercy, and grant me even one more day with you, I would be the happiest woman on earth.



I am yours now, and always!!

I love you!!!!!!

Good night honey! XOXO love your Beth





( Never forget I love you!!)

Good night my sweet soldier!
06:31 Oct 04 2006
Times Read: 857

I think I'm coming down with a cold & am so very tired . So ....instead of staying up to pull those permits..I 'll just get up extra early, so the dumb old contractors , a can have their stupid little permits lol!

Night baby, I'm so glad you called tonight!

Have fun on "sex patrol," and take lots of photos!!!! LMAO!

My parents are coming..run for the hills lol!
04:03 Oct 04 2006
Times Read: 861

Okay don't get me wrong, I love my parents very much and all, but I have mixed feelings about them coming to visit on Friday.



For one thing, they want me to still be a "little girl" and do what they think is right for me, instead of think for myself. They are also VERY conservative Christians..who openly judge anyone who doesn't fit into their belief system.



My parents don't know, and will never know I'm a bisexual, although I knew it in back in my high school years. My parents don't really know me at all, because when I try to respectfully tell them

who I am as a woman, they just don't want to hear it.



There is this huge chasm between us since my divorce. Mainly because not only did they leave me to go through all of that pain by myself, but because they wouldn't believe anything I had to say....they still think I'm a child lol! So I went through a divorce alone, with the exception of a few close friends, and n my sister. I will be honest... I needed my dad! I needed not only his fatherly arms around me, to tell me everything was going to be okay, but I just needed his love....but was forced to ask friends for it instead.

I don't know if things will ever be the same...the dad I love, cares more about what other people think, what the church thinks...than what his daughter needs as a woman.



I'm going to be kind as always to my parents when they come this weekend, but it hurts that I might not be able to share with them...that I'm

deeply in love with a wonderful man, a man I want to share my life with..if I 'm ever lucky enough to have that happen.

(I'm kind of sad tonight.)

Cum get me soldier!
00:49 Oct 04 2006
Times Read: 865









( You wear your cammo, and I'll frigging strip you down with my teeth in the airport!!!!!! Yes I will bite you right then and there, and I don't care who sees me!!!!! MMMM...STAY SAFE & CUM HOME SOON....CAUSE I'M HUNGRY FOR MY SEXY SOLDIER!!!!)

Healing love for my soldier! ( For SGT SNEAKY)
07:16 Oct 03 2006
Times Read: 884









My dearest one...I long to take the pain away from your body! If only I could hold you against my breast, and touch your sweet face, whispering words of comfort and love.



I'm sorry I can't be with you my love, I want so much to take care of you , and help you feel better.

But...I pray that my love will some how speed your healing. Stay safe Jon, and know that you are never alone...my heart is with you!



I love you!!!! Good night sweet heart!

For SGTSNEAKY
06:58 Oct 02 2006
Times Read: 894









( My sweet soldier, how I miss you tonight!

I miss your smile, that wicked gleam in your eyes, your laughter, and the feeling of being in your arms. But honey, no matter how much I miss you, I'm so proud to have you protecting not just me, but all of us! Stay safe my dearest one, and know that I love you! Love Always, Your Beth)