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I basically suck at being an adult and the mistakes of my past are clearly going to haunt me forever.

Started with Interview with a vampire, now they're playing Queen of the damned (I know the acting is terrible, but still) and next are the blade movies which I never really got into, but I'll let them play in the background while I get some housework done.

Had a pretty good day today. I managed to fall asleep a little after midnight and woke up only once through the night so not too terrible. I was up around 6 this morning, but my biological clock isn't going to allow for much later than that anyhow.



My great aunt hosted her own 58th birthday party so I drove over there to celebrate with her. It wasn't half bad. My family is kind of weird and that particular aunt is a hypochondriac so I was sure she'd have complaints of some random ailment, but she did pretty good today. She talked about a stroke she had, which never actually occurred, for a while, but then it was on to good times.



I saw some family I hadn't seen in a while So that was good, and my my daughter was able to play with one of her cousins who is just a month younger than her so that was good. She's not around a lot of kids her age so I always appreciate those moments.



I'm definitely grateful for one more day of though, I'm so tired!!! Maybe I'll be able to sleep in in the morning.

I've been blaming my daughter for my inability to sleep through the night for the past three years, but now it has been an entire week that she has slept through the night and I'm still up wide awake. It was 2am the last time I checked to clock this morning and I was back up at four.

I give up.

I drove an hour and a half to work to get there and have only one patient first thing in the morning which made for the longest day ever! I'm home, I've had dinner, now I just need to relax.

Maybe insomnia isn't a bitch perhaps I just needed to bitch a bit

COMMENTS

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Liliancat
00:28 Aug 27 2016

Perhaps you have to many things in your mind that stress you out and cause you insomnia...

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RosalindChoiseul
15:08 Aug 27 2016

More than likely. It's like the hours that are meant for sleep turn into the hours that are meant for me to dwell on everything ever.

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It's so interesting to come back on here to and re-read my journal from six/seven years ago. Twenty-three year old self to thirty year old...well I'm still somewhat figuring out what I'm doing with my life, but I guess things are a little clearer now.



I moved and went to school and just like I was afraid of, I cracked. I think it more so had to do with my mind not as focused once I got there. I met someone pretty fast and didn't even make it to the first day of class (can we say hangover). Completely irresponsible, but not the type of thing you can undo. It was Ladies night at a local bar and I honestly don't think I had ever consumed so much alcohol in my life. I ended not even making it home until six the next morning (with a 7:30 class scheduled) only to realize I had lost my wallet somewhere along the way.

That pretty much marked how my first semester would go. Drunken nights, missed medication doses, over doses, bad depressions, bullshit, bullshit and more bullshit.



I never did the photoshoot for SG. I didn't lose nerve or anything, more like confidence. I don't know...even at thirty it's something I would still consider if I wasn't thirty, if that makes any sense.



I did finish one of my novels which I am quite proud of, but never shopped it around so I guess that's only half of an acomplishment.



I had a child (she's two now), which makes me a lot less desirable, but don't get me wrong, I love her to pieces. She's definitely what keeps me grounded these days.



So what's going on these days?



I work, a lot. I enjoy my job for the most part, but it can be a little depressing at times too.

I've been going to a lot of shows which has definitely cleared my mind. I saw Slipknot and Manson for the first time this summer which was AWESOME! I met Dryden Mitchell of Alien Ant Farm after a show, which people are like WTF? They're still a band and make music? Yes, yes they are and they're good, if you like that type of music of course. And Dryden was actually cool as shit.

I've got tickets to Make America Rock Again, Taking Back Sunday, and Hawthrone Heights next so I'm pretty excited.



I started a thigh piece. It's basically just my favorite insects (mantis, nector ants, roly poly, dragonfly, giraffe bettle) with a little greenery to tie it all together. I can't wait until it's finished, I think it's going to be pretty awesome.



I think that's all I've got for tonight. I am going to put some more updates on my page, just trying to figure out what...maybe I'll repost one of the old pics just as a...whoa this was me when I first came to this site...yeah I don't know.