Emotional Wounds08:33 Mar 24 2018
Times Read: 580
Let's take a moment and think back to our childhood (speaking to those that are 30+ years old). We have all had our experiences. Domestic violence, Neglect, near perfect upbringing, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, you name it and someone has experienced it. Good or bad ... it has happened to someone. But no one really talks about Emotional Abuse or the emotional scars we have endured. Now, this could be by the hands of anyone, but right now I would like to focus on the emotional wounds cause by parents.
Some would say that it is pure instinct that we protect our parents and love our parents no matter how they treated us. After all, for the majority of us, we had no choice but to rely on them for survival. So we say we love them and care for them on some level (varies from person to person). So what happens to us as we grow up? Well, that depends on many factors and varies from person to person. But when speaking of emotional abuse, emotional wounds...what happens? How will we turn out as adults in relationships? How will we be as parents? Will we repeat the cycle of emotional abuse? Do we even notice it as emotional abuse? Do we even think about how we would be as parents? Do we even know that emotional abuse is wrong?
I do not have the answers. But I can tell you about my story, my emotion wounds that stem from my parents.
Born to a single mother. Do not have any knowledge of my bio sperm donor. I have no knowledge of her first husband. Her second husband...well he was just the perfect example of what a father should not be or do. But this is about emotional abuse...My mother never showed me affection. Nothing wrong with that I suppose. Even as an adult my bubble remains small. No hugs unless I really know you and trust you. But beyond that, my mother never gave positive feedback or positive reinforcements. She never told me that she loved me. To this day, she won't say it. If I say i first, she will hesitate and stumble her wording. I grew up not knowing what it felt like to be loved unconditionally. Everything I did had a price...if I wanted quality time just me and mother, I had to bribe her or settle for one of her boyfriends tagging along. (She went through 3 marriages at least). When I started to date, I didn't know how to react to affections...dating was short lived and guys moved on to girls who would give affections (sex). I often felt unwanted by my mother. So I came off as cold sometimes. My mother never had anything good to say to me. No matter how good my grades were - not good enough. No matter how many promotions I got - not good enough. She would always tell me how I would fail. Then my god mother showed me emotions, love, unconditional love, affections...thats when I made the decision that if I had kids, I would tell them and show them how much I love them. Fast forward...I have 2 kids now. I show them all the love, unconditional love and support, encourage them, positive reinforcements...all things I never received from my mother - I know I give to my kids. But I noticed one flaw in my plan....I still tell myself how I will fail, that I am not good enough, or that I am not worth it.
So did I break the cycle?
I think not. I have much work to do. Cause I know I am worth it, I know I can do anything I put my mind to...but I still beat myself up just like mother did.
Those are my emotional wounds....
COMMENTS
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MysticalxMagick
10:15 Mar 31 2018
Mimi!
MalicedTouch
20:32 Apr 05 2018
Me ma
Doru
21:48 Apr 18 2018
You will be an awesome Nana!