The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Finally, I have a working wifi card on my Debian laptop!

I wonder if it is off topic to write about such a techy question on a VampireRave journal, but this made me really euphorical today.

Debian has always been my absolute fave GNU/Linux flavour - intelligence, stability, flexibility - , with this only thing being a problem: firmware to diverse wireless cards has never been, to say so, the strongest side of this - otherwise really great - distro. Only lately did I manage to find and insert the proper firmware.

In addition to it, the wifi router was, mildly said, not perfectly cooperative. I saw a list of available wireless networks - after having configured the bloody damned firmware - but not OUR one.
I had to use drastical methods to make the router change its mind. It _did_ worth the effort, even if I would rather not go in details - being worried about the possible router rights activists' anger.

This phenomenon is something I have seen many times.

I could mention famous examples - like Kittil Kittilsen (a.k.a. Vomit) who used to be the frontman in Mayhem's early lineup - and now he is a devout Christian. Or, two ex-members of Ancient - Aphazel is now a Christian, and Deadly Kristin converted to Islam and calls herself Hayam Nur!

But I see similar persons in everyday life, too.

One of my acquaintances (dammit, what a difficult word to type!) used to be Teh Darkeste Wampyre Occulth Witch of all times - but she seems to have gotten enough of it, and switched to a kawaii anime-otaku image. Now she is a sweety sweet (in my opinion: kitschy) mangachan. Instead of being fascinated by Troo Kvlt Black Metal Warriors, she is screaming for the actual J-rock idols. Blæææææhhhh.
Another lady I know, she also used to be a really esoteric and pagan person - you know, Astrology, Tarot reading, crystals, incenses and the like... and she gradually became a Hare Krishna devotee. I became quite shocked. Not gradually.

I have seen less drastical, but similar examples too.

I mean it is absolutely okay to change through the years. It is absolutely okay if one does not look and act the same in the age of 30...35 as they used to do in the age of 18...20. (I actually mean it would be very unhealthy. Being unable or unwilling to recognize that you are not a teenager anymore might lead to serious problems.) It might be okay to find something to believe in (though I try to be very, very careful with this question).
These drastical changes make me think.
If someone could give such a perfect impression of a Tr000 Kvlt Darxoul and could make others believe that this was his/her true self, and some years thereafter, they do the very same - in another role, in another subculture or religion - then I cannot help but think: did they mean it? Was it just an image, something they took up in aim to gain attention or reach some other goals (e.g. annoying their parents)? Did they give it up as soon as it did not serve them any more?

I am sensitive to these questions because I always try to be myself - with more or less success. Some might say I am provocative, though I never mean to be provocative. This is just the way I am - with my interests and my attraction to things that are usually labelled as "dark" or "weird" -, and I do understand that this is not the average.
I know that a mature and healthy person _is_ able to be himself/herself, without the need of either conformism or the risk of being labelled as "deviant". So I don't know if I am considered as mature or healthy.

Things have a different perspective than before, yes. I don't find certain things as important as I used to do before.
Like, instead of visiting subcult clubs on Saturday nights, I prefer staying at home practising scales and riffs. Instead of a so-fascinating metal concert, I began to experiment with Dragonfly BSD and became really euphorical when it showed the first signs of working :}
Or, even if I would never look _too_ mainstream, I chose to tone things down a bit. Black nail polish and lipstick is okay for parties, but not for everydays, just to mention a common example. Certain band T-shirts are okay for everyday use, but Carpathian Forest - Fuck You All, or Mayhem - De Mysteriis Dom Sathanas are better to be worn in a company where this is appreciated. Or, though I still am interested in myths, traditions and symbols, I am developing a deep and personal contact with reality.

So... I would not say "now that I am a big girl, such dumb things are not for me anymore". That would be dishonest. I just try to keep the normal limits, in aim to be able to function in everyday life.

This is why I am having such a hard time trying to understand the mentioned ex-things. What kind of maturity or inner stability is this?

They say this time of the year might be the most dangerous and triggering for suicidal persons.

During the winter, many people who suffer from this kind of thing are actually too depressed to be able to - or to be motivated to - do the deed. When spring comes, with longer daytime, light and warmth, the sudden boost of energy might stimulate _certain individuals - to use these energies to do themselves in.

Am I alone with this attitude? Spring equals to a reminder. It reminds me of the time that's passing by.

I am so terribly sorry. Have registered at VampireRave for such a long time that I don't even dare to mention it, but absolutely forgot about this account! What a horrible fail.
Nowadays, there are so few community sites that are maintained for - and by - dark souls exclusively, therefore I cannot forgive my own absence.