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lost a friend last night... a friend that i like very much.. i dont know what happened but she stopped talking and everything to me... i dont why or how or even what i did but i hurts now that there is someone out there who doesnt like me anymore... i am sorry to everyone i have ever hurt or done wrong or do wrong in the future..i could not even talk to her to find out so i have do way of helping the situation out.. this has only happened once and it hurts when people just stop talking and everything... i wish i knew the full store of want i did and i wish she would have told me before every thing exploded in her...

i relized something today as i woke up.

why?!?!! why am i hear, why do i live for.

what i figured out....nothing...there is nothing for me.. no future no present... only pain..only the past.. everything i have done haunts me. every one i hurt and every one i have done wrong pains me in side. always growing with out an idea on how to stop feeling pain and start enjoying life. nothing on is earth can help. not love not hate not even death can make me not feel the past. should i just end now everything now and hope it helps or should i seek solitude to find an inner peace...i am starting to think that love is just a word.. i dont think anyone real belives in love... how can you love someone who is hollow inside. who has had no feeling inside for years. someone who gave there heart to some one and got it torn in four. so to make the pain go i will love hope to find someone to rebiuld my feeling with. so i can feel joy and happieness and love.