The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Why is everything so fucked up? Why do you have to be so selfish? Who's there to pick me up when i fall? No one. I just dont understand. Why am i so fucked up? Why cant i just have something for once? Something thats mine. Or at least no one elses. Why cant i just control how i feel? Why cant i just be normal to some extent. Why does everything have to hurt so god damn much, when all you want to do is love someone. I just want love to curl up and die. Everyday gets worse and harder to cope with. My moods cycle so rapidly sometimes...i dont even know if what im feeling is what i really feel. Ive never known whats it like to love someone so deeply and not be fucking nuts. And i hate being at home alone. trapped. I just want so much more than this. I want to be able to breathe and want to keep going. I dont want to keep going. I want to stop. It all hurts so god damn much. No one else can share whats in my own head. My own irrationalizations that i so devoutly believe and worship. I fucking hate my life with the heat of a thousand suns. Sometimes it would be easier to disappear. Forget everything. Forget everyone. To be free. I just want to be something. A fly on your fucking wall is better than this. Some days i just want to die. Some moments i want to die. In a fleeting moment it seems like it might be worth while, but im too much of a pussy to ever do it.



I am so insecure my own mind can give me anxiety. I'm feeling neglected right now. I am so desperate for attention from someone that it is becoming pathetic. It's so stupid I can't even explain.