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I can't let depression get the best of me, but I feel as if I am already losing...



I haven't done any of the things I really love lately. No videogames, no smoking, hardly any music, no dancing...wtf is wrong with me?!



I have never felt so low, so alone, and lost. Don't know what to do, how to do it, or even if I should. The only thing I know for sure is that I love my family more then anything, and I'd do anything for them. Althought I feel like quitting and just putting my miserable life to an end, I can't...I stay alive to help my family, and I stay alive so that one day I may confess my love, but those are my only reason's keeping me alive right now...

OMG tonight's Fullmetal Alchemist still has me questioning! Is Lust really dead? Grr I can't wait until next Saturday to find out! I've re-thought the whole episode over and over again, my conclusion...I honestly don't think she's dead and I really hope she isn't. I hope that Sloth gets it next episode, and that little brat Wrath! I started out thinking "this is the best new one so far" after Lust supposidly dies it is now offically the worst. I'm driving myself nuts just thinking about what might happen next episode. Christ if they're gunna make us FMA fans wait a whole fuckin week to catch our new anime freshness it should at least be an hour, I'm mean c'mon! o.O



Well anyhoo I had to get that off my chest, with an episode as intense as this one was I think I'll need another cigarette, and to catch it one more time to take off some of the edge. Maybe there is something I missed while watching it this first time, I'm hoping I'll catch something so that my mind can rest a little tonight LoL.



Man I really hope she's not dead...

It's been tearing me up inside! What's worse then being in love, is being in love and not telling the person you love them. See last time I was in love the person told me they loved me fisrt. It wasn't even until like a month or two after he told me that I began to love back, LoL and it took him being hit by a car and hospitalzation to make me realize it! o.O



Yea well this time it's completly different. I'm not in love with someone in my age area, AND they are not just an average dude either. Also I'm completly scared shitless to even talk about my feelings first, I think we both are...



This isn't just any regular guy that I really like, this is someone I've had a lot of time to think about and my feeling for them. If 2 years isn't a long enough time to dertermine how I feel, I don't know what is?!¿ And the best part about this time is that he's sexy as hell, number 2 on the top 5 list! I've never been with someone quite attractive as this fellow I mean rawr!



The worst part about it all is time...I won't know until the next time. I'll know where this will go for sure then, but until then I wait impatiently, but damn it I wait! I really care about him, and this drives me crazy. I'm too impatient but I know it will be worth the wait good, or bad I'll get my answers. And then I can be in peace finally...

I haven't wrote in here for a while, there've been various reason for this but I'll only speak of one...



Total frustration! I've had such a hard and frustrating last 2 weeks. Taking care of everyone, and having very little time to myself. I feel like shit, and when I feel it I look it as well. (in my eyes) Usually Vampire Rave is where I go to chat and relieve some stress, ah but not lately. This site is becoming increasingly more annoying. It's being overrun by little whiny emo punks! Immature insecure unappreciatve little brats who don't no shit and need to keep their mouths shut!



I've been trying to get more favor points for our house, and my stupid computer kept disconnecting from my net connection and screwing up Hangman! I probably lost 10-15 favor points on games that got messed up due to whatever was causing my internet's disconnection. o.O



So many more thing's have been frustrating me I don't know where to begin. I have writters block so I can't let the words flow in a poetic form, I'm all bottled up with too many angry emotions. Just a small note to anyone reading this...

Yes today is Saturday, a day I actually look forward to! Tonight's episode of Fullmetal Alchemist is gunna kick ass, I can't wait!! ^.^ Until then thought I have to suffer being sober, I haven't smoked a bowl in like 4 days now! o.O I don't really care but it would be nice to smoke a nice green one, so I can mellow out and relax. I've been so busy being helpful and I haven't had much time to myself lately. Seriously I have not played a videogame in like 3 days, now that is just unhealthy. I must be sick or something cause I haven't felt like doing much of anything I love these past few days. I still listen to music thought, so I can't be that far gone LoL.



Feburary is a boring month jack shit is going on, plus don't forget my absolute least favorite day Valentine's day ugh, I spit on V-day! >:0 I'm always single on that acursed day, and never have a boyfriend to buy me anything...yes it's quite sad. No matter thought there's more to life then getting gifts from douche bag guys, I'd rather get laid! :P So yes anyhoo there aren't any concerts going on this month really, except for Ventana on the 18th. I need concerts damn it, loud music drunk rowdy people, and mosh pits!!! Oh and don't forget the sexiest guys of them all, the rockstars hehe :D



Well I guess I should go do something constructive now...