PerfectlyDamned's Journal
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5 entries this month
23:39 Feb 18 2019
Times Read: 597
I really wish I could remember the drive home. Brain was on auto-pilot. If I'd gone towards the light... I'm sure the other guy wouldn't have been too happy. Hey, there's enough road to maneuver to save yourself. That's what that pretty ditch is for.
I hate nice, clean crisp hotel towels. I don't like a towel that's prettier than me. Towel envy. It's real.
I'm waiting on a few (only 4 this time) books.
Emz will probably scare him with a bark as per usual and he will leave a parcel card in box like always.
The mailman is such a tease.
00:55 Feb 14 2019
Times Read: 610
"Swallow it." No. "Do it."Okay.
So easy.
Like leading a babe to candy... and slapping it out of hand before the choking and the screaming commence.
Rarely, like once every four months or so, do I actually cave and take the pill that forces the ache to subside (albeit a tiny fraction) ...so I can walk upright without limping from numbness. Yes, you can be both numb and in pain at the same time. It's a bit like hot tiny needles slicing through my skin.
Today was good. Tonight? Even better. Crossies!
Damn you TheHouseOnCliff.
21:21 Feb 13 2019
Times Read: 624
Ignore this.
Did I not tell you to ignore this?
Really. There's nothing important here...
05:13 Feb 07 2019
Times Read: 645
"You scare too easy"
I tend to roam the house very quietly and I always seem to scare the livin' shite out of JL. He's just too engrossed in the tiniest of activities (cooking in this case) to notice when I've moved from the front entrance (even after greeting me) only to pop out from the dining room a moment later. It's sort of routine to startle JL by my ability to appear out of thin air as he calls it. "Vampire...floating like Dracula across the floor..." he teases as he slams his fist against his chest to feign jump-starting his heart and resumes humming some random song. One of these days/nights he's going to accidentally run me thru with a kitchen knife.
JL seems to be worried. JL is worried? Now, that's scary. He's caught on that I haven't been sleeping much. I'm always "awake" as he calls it. He knows I'm a night-owl but even for me my behavior isn't...normal.
Reading occupies most of my nighttime hours. It has to. My hands ache way too much to continue working on illustrations. It must be age catching up with me. Maybe I should write a book. Easier to abuse the keyboard than it is to beat...
It's a neutral moment for me. Fear me.
09:57 Feb 01 2019
Times Read: 659
More and more I find that I'm looking at things through a foggy haze of indifference. I wonder if I'm a tad bit (alright maybe at this point it's more than a smidgen south of crazed) on the wrong side of sane. I'm currently considering that I might actually need medication to sleep. I function physically well enough without much sleep but it is taking a toll on my emotional well-being. Empathy isn't a strong suit but lately I can't be bothered to be there when I'm needed. I just don't have the energy to even play along.
I don't know why I'm so listless/restless/onedge/blasé/tightlywound etc et cetera.
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