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12 entries this month
What if...?
00:04 Sep 29 2008
Times Read: 596
Ever had one of those "what if" moments? Like "what if I did this instead of..."
Or how about the button scenario. Like if there was this big, shiny red button, and you walked away from pushing it, would you ever ask yourself "What if?" I had a little scenario like that just a couple nights ago.
Okay, so, Friday night. What. A. Night.
I don't feel like really telling all of it, so I'll just give you a summary.
-Went to the mall with Renne and Josh.
-Went to Sydnie's with Josh while Renne went to a birthday party.
-Went across the street with Rachel and Robin to see what the fireworks were about at Cottonwood High.
-Met up with Tom and Brooks.
-Hung out with Tom and Brooks.
-Almost got in trouble with the cops.
-Brooks stayed with me till my mommy came to pick me up.
-Mommy wasn't happy.
-Mommy doesn't even know the rest of the story.
Yeah... It was fun. Except for the end. But the end part is what really got me thinking.
Okay, so if you haven't read before, Brooks and I went out for about a day. Yeahh... Well we are just friends now. It's chill.
But... is it okay if he kinda like... flirts with me? I think it's flirting anyway. And it's not like it's hardcore, so that's what makes it so hard to understand!
Follow me.
"Stop being an ass!" "I'm not being an ass. I'm only an ass to people I don't like. Like you. "Yeah, you are a complete ass." "I'm kidding! I love ya!" *kisses his hand and then smacks me on the forehead.*
Help me analyze? He knows he is an ass. BUT once he knows he offends me, (like calls me a bitch or something along those lines) he apologizes. And usually hugs me too. And that's like... Okay, whatever. No big deal. But then... I haven't ever seen him do that to any other girl. Ya know? So it may not be flirting, but it is showing affection. Which from what I have heard from Tom and Preston, is VERY rare.
A little later after that kiss-on-hand-on-forehead-thing he takes out his school ID card to show one of his friends his picture. But then when I wanted to see it, He wouldn't let me. "What the hell? Why can't I see it?" "I don't know you. I know OF you. I don't know you. That's also a reason I broke up with you." (I have no idea why the hell he said that...) "That's why you get to know me better in through the relationship." "I don't want to get to know you via relationship. I want to know you, THEN get with you." "...Can I see your ID card?" "No." And then we went onto some other subject. So... puzzle pieces are being put together. Finally.
And a little later then that, we were out in the parking lot. Tom, Brooks, me, and a guy name Jiah (I have no idea how to spell his name. But the other two called him Gina too. Eh. lol.). We were just hanging out and stuff, watching Gina ride around in circles on his bike he made just earlier that day. And again, somehow me and Brooks got in a little mini-fight. How the hell that happens so much, I don't know. I think it's because neither of us takes eachother seriously. So he calls me a bitch (jokingly). And of course, I act all offended and all that, when I'm really not (like I care if I'm called a bitch). "Oh! I'm sorry! I'm kidding! Come gimme a hug!" I like his hugs. I do indeed. But then again, I just like hugs in general. So we hug, and we are good. =]
And I'm not going to tell you about the whole cop thing... I'll just skip to the part where it's just me and him alone, and my "What If" scenario.
"Will anyone stay with me while my mom comes to pick me up?" "Yeah, I'll stay." "Cool, thank you!"
So Tom and Gina go off some place else. Home I guess. I don't know for sure. But then again, we got on the subject of "us". Sorta.
"Yeah, well Amber (his ex he went out with before me,) hates you because- well I know you didn't intentionally- I went our with you. Like that's the reason I broke up with her." "I don't give a shit if someone I'll never meet hates me." "Yeah, I know that." But anyway, he was just sitting there listening to my iPod, and I was just sitting there thinking to myself.
--What If--
What if I just came straight out and asked him what he thought of me? Would I have the balls?
What if I just started making out with him right then and there? Yeah... the thought came through my mind. But... I would hate myself if I did that. I care about Renne too much to even think about it too much.
What if I just slapped Brooks right there? Would that start a little mini-slapping-war? Just an idea.
(BIG) What if we were both single? How would this night have turned out?
Yeah, many What If's, but... I don't know... I'm sure I don't have feelings for him. I think (almost positive) it's just lust. Because I mean, why like him, when I have such a great boyfriend already? I don't think about it twice.
ugh. I don't think this even gets me anywhere. I told Bonnie all about it and she says that maybe he likes me still. But if he likes me, then wouldn't he be flirting hardcore?
It's such a stupid thing, but it got me thinking this whole weekend.
I came to the conclusion that I'll let time take it's course, and whatever happens, happens.
Whoah. I miss Dana.
05:15 Sep 26 2008
Times Read: 603
So Dana and I have been talking on myspace for a bit now. And man, I miss that gay kid!
Sure, by the end of 9th grade, we really grew apart. I really regret that now. I think.
But yeah he just called me and we chatted for a bit. I mean... he's just Dana. He's gay. And of course, most of his friends are girls. But no surprise there.
So I'm kinda texting Brian right now, and like I was telling him about how I miss Dana and all that. And all he has to say is that "he's kinda annoying".
Sorry buddy, but I didn't ask for your opinion.
But that's not the point. The point is, I want a Dana hug.
War Wounds in WalMart.06:54 Sep 20 2008
Times Read: 615
IT WAS A RAGING BATTLEFIELD. NO ONE WAS LEFT ALIVE.
That's how it was played out in my head anyway.
[Every other paragraph except the last two are alternating between me and Maddie. Just to let you know.]
So off to walmart we were. My father, Maddie, and myself. Maddie and I have glowsticks, and knowing how easily we get excited over the lamest things, we were ecstatic. And insanely hyper. Waving our sticks around, we were on our way to mischief.
Lolllllll (This is Maddie) Ok soooo... we walked into Walmart, already quite hyyyyper. Me and Abbey were planning on playing the epic trick on Walmart. Fill up an entire cart with totally random stuff. So we ran around everywhere picking stuff out and putting it in the cart. After awhile, we just ditched it and went off with Lenard Nemoy! ^_^ Abbey's Dad.
We had EVERYTHING we could think of. We had about 5 pairs of gloves, a broom, a baby holder, thongs, a lion soap dispenser, swimsuit model calendar, a John Deer calendar, mucho candy. And sooo much more. Believe me, there is no way we could list it all. The cart was overflowing with all this random crap we just found everywhere in the aisles. "...Let's ditch it in the towel area." "okay!" So when we met up with my dad finally, we just left it. "We need another cart." said Maddie.
BUT before I said that, we went and put this big metal bowls on our head...we have the pictures . Anyway, as we were doing this, these guys walked past. We saw them seriously like 10 times already in the store! It was CRAZY. Ok so one of the guys said "I think the hat section is that way..." Lmao! Me and Abbey were like Okkkkkkkkkkkkk..... LOL! So THEN! That's when I decided we needed another cart. We walked out of the store, got a cart, and came back in. As we were walking back in, AGAIN there were those guys we saw. LMAO! It was way funny! They were like "MAN! These guys are EVERYWHERE!" And it's funny cuz we really were.
Little did she know, trouble would strike.
Me, being a hyyyyper ditzy 15-year-old, was driving the cart, but not really watching where I was going. This is Maddie...btw... Anyway, I feel the cart come to a little bit of a stop. I look ahead of me, and there was this kinda old Mexican guy. I RAN INTO HIS ANKLE!!!! OMGOMGOMG!!!! I was like "I'M SOOOO SORRY!!!" and he was just laughing and walked off. I yelled after him "I'm REALLY sorry!!" And he laughed again. We saw him like TEN MORE TIMES! I tried not to make eye contact. But he was laughing. It was way embarrassing.
We were laughing our asses off! I mean we felt way bad, but then I said "Okay, so we don't feel bad about filling up a cart FULL of stupid stuff that will probably take them HOURS to put back everywhere, but, when you run over a guys foot, you almost die with embarrassment. And feel REAL bad. What's wrong with that??" So we walked around laughing about everything we did, and then we find my dad again. How ironic it was, he lost his cart! Like seriously someone came and took it! We think... we still don't know.
We thought about joining the people stealing all the carts, cuz sseriously, I heard at least 2 other people lost their carts!!! How weird is that?? Ok so we followed Abbey's dad around and ended up near the deli. LMAO!!!! Epic fail/win. BEST part of the night. Since it happened with Abbey, she'll tell you first, then I'll give you my point of view.
Let's see... Well.... I wanted a water bottle. Simple as that. With my slippery flip-flops sliding everywhere, I bound off to get what I wanted. But, I over looked something. The croissants. Those damned croissants. I didn't see the table that was holding all those pastries. I hit my left hip on it, then DOWN I go. I mean... It feels like I was laughing on my way down as I fell, because the second I hit the floor, it was LMAOROFL all ova' da' place! Like seriously, I was like "owhahahahahahaOWhahahahOWTHATREALLYHURTHAHAHAHAHAHAHA" And Maddie was like "hahahahAREhahahaYOUhahahaaOKAY?? hahahaha" Lol, it sounds stupid on here, but that's how it really happened, then I stand up, and then Maddie falls over because she was laughing so hard. And apparently, some lady was laughing at me. But Maddie has to tell you about that. Oh, and I never got my water bottle.
So I was just standing there, minding my own business, when Abbey cums RUNNING outta nowhere, going nowhere. IT WAS SO FUNNY!!! She only took a few fassst steps, hit the table, knocked off some croissants, and fell down! OMG! LMAO! Her dad looked down, and walked away. LOLOL!!!! Some lady that worked there was just standing there laughing her ass off. It was WAY FUNNY!!! And...weird.......................... really.
So that's how I got my battle wound. And over and over, we said "THAT WAS A TOTAL EPIC FAIL!" Because... well.. it was! So we finally meet up with my dad again. With the empty cart, but our beillies full of luagher. So we went to the checkout, yelling at my dad, "You just left your daughter!! What if she got really hurt??" His rebudle was "If her eyes rolled to the back of her head, then I would have been worried, but if she's just busting a gut, then I'm not going to worry." "You looked like such a bad parent! Just walking away when your child is hurt?!?" "...Oh well."
So... long story short, I'll never see WalMart the same. ^_^ I wouldn't change a single thing tonight. Except for bananas. We forgot to buy some.
Random Journal Entry, Because I Want One.
02:58 Sep 16 2008
Times Read: 625
Youuu crank that Soulja, Youuu Crank that Soulja.
I think Nackos (English teacher) is onto me. She KNOWS I like and respect her as a teacher. I think I gave it away when I said today that English I look forward to every A Day.
And Homecoming is a day closer. I feel so lame, making it such a big deal. But it is my very first reallll hardcore dance. Ya know? It means something.
I. HATE. JAMIE. ERGH. She makes me SO mad.
Like... everytime I see her SMILE I get so mad. But then... Whatever. She's just not worth my time.
Radio is so weird. (Radio is a guy. lol. Don't ask.)
My ex has liked one of my best friends for like... 2 and 1/2 years. It's so crazy.
I tear my heart open. I sew myself shut. My weakness is, I care too much.
OHMYGAWD. I LOVE MY MOM.
She got me some Alfred Hitchcock shows or something. She said they were a lot like Twilight Zone. I love that show. AND SHE JUST GOT ME LITTLE EARRINGS THAT LOOK LIKE RAINBOWS. THEY ARE THE CUTEST!
I love wal*mart.
Why did Taelon call me a dinosaur??? I MUST FIND OUT TOMORROW. I love his hair too.
And I love Renne! He's so good to me. =]]]
Whoah. Talk about a loveable mood right now.
Besides the Jamie part though.
But, she doesn't count.
Mouth Virgin.
21:45 Sep 14 2008
Times Read: 634
Kay so ya know I have this boyfriend now. His name is Renne. Anyway, he's cute and like strong and warm and just like... a great boyfriend.
But but but, there is a problem here.
He hasn't ever made out before.
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW FUCKING ANNOYING THAT IS?
So as it turns out, I wanna tell him that I don't like kissing that much anyway. cuz... yeah. I don't feel like messing around with it. lol
But his pecks are cute. =]]]
And I really don't want to break up with him.
My brother is fat.
21:38 Sep 14 2008
Times Read: 635
Okay so I just got back from Smith's with my borther and daddy. For starters, I'm not in a very good mood, so... they were screwed to begin with.
My brother is fat. I mean like... 150 pounds overweight. Yeahhhh, it's bad. And my dad isn't much better. How that happened, well... time happened. Time and fatty treats that can easily be turned down, but aren't.
So me bring grumpy at Smith's, my brother just wanders off, to go get goodies. He comes back with a 12 pack thing of Root Beer. Now I like Root Beer, I do. But, there is no need for a 12 pack.
"Dad, is that really needed for him?" I ask Daddy.
"Absolutely!" He said. I looked at him like a was gonna jump him with a knife. "...Oh. No, he doesn't need it."
"Nice discipline Dad." I said bluntly.
But did he tell Wes to put it back? No. And he never does.
Later on in our adventure, my brother finds the Ding-Dong's and the chocolate donuts and all that stuff. Of course, I look at him, then the donuts he picked up, and walk away, towards my dad.
"Dad, please tell your son he can't have every fatty treat he wants."
"Son, sometimes in life, you can't have everything you want in life, no matter how much you want it." Completely mocking me. I wanted to fucking slap him. But no. I just turned the music up on my iPod, keeping my mouth shut.
Seriously, that's nothing. It goes on like that all the time. My brother/dad sees something they want. And just because my dad has some extra money now (We just sold a car), he thinks that he can just throw it around, when really, we should be saving up to buy a new car that we can depend on. I can't even describe how bad it REALLY pisses me off.
It makes me feel that if they can't stop themselves from not having a little donut, then how can I count on them when the time comes? I hope that makes sense.
Ergh. I don't know.
My brother is fat.
Taken Again.
02:46 Sep 10 2008
Times Read: 646
heeheeheee =]
I got a new boyfriend.
How ironic. Broke up with one on friday night. Got together with one on Monday night =]
I kinda feel like a whore. Like practically the next day I got a new boyfriend.
But but but, this is the first time anything like this has happened. For real! I swear.
And I think this relationship is gonna be different. Like... I dunno. I've known this guy for longer. His name is Renne (Rainy). 'Cause I hung out with him today and stuff with Maddie, Lanie, and Brian. It was pretty dandy. And like... first it kinda started out as like... just my with my head on his shoulder or something like that. You know... but then we were walking together someother place (we were at the mall), and Lanie just comes up from behind us and puts our hands together. ^____^ It made me happy. I dunno why, but I wasn't like nervous... I was just worried that he wouldn't wanna hold hands. ...If that makes sense. Like I didn't know if he was a touchy-feely (NOT LIKE THAT) kinda boyfriend. You know? But then when Lanie put our hands together it felt so nice. =] Like with Minh, it was cool, nice. You know... like he wanted to and stuff. But with Renne, I dunno... I'm happy =] We basically held hands the rest of the time. ^_^ And when we were sitting outside waiting for Lanie's mom, I dunno... But I just like... got into his arms. lol. I really can't explain it, but I really liked it. ^_^
He's so freakin' warm!!! Really!! 'Cause it's kind of rainy (lol. Renne. Rainy. Anyway), so when the wind was blowing and stuff, he just kept me warm. ^_^
I dunno... But I like having a Brazilian boyfriend. =]
Single Again.
06:49 Sep 06 2008
Times Read: 652
And I thank God for it. lol.
Well I mean I don't really wanna be single, it's just that I would rather be single then have a boy that doesn't give a shit about me.
And I think he felt the same and shit, so he texted me and like he said the same old thing "I think we should just be friends." "Okay. Cool. Things were better like that anyway."
So yeah. lol. I told my mom, and all she said was "his lost." I said, "damn right."
And what was weird is that my last 2 relationships I have had, I was over hanging out with Kaycee and Bonnie. And man, it felt good to get their support. Not that I really needed it, to be honest, I was really relieved that he broke up with me. Cuz since he never replied to any of my texts or calls, I could never get ahold of him. So, I could never break up with him. Got it? lol.
And now I'll be able to say "He's hot" without feeling bad.
What a lame fling.
And he wasn't that great of a kisser.
No tongue.
Eh.
Time for new things.
No Respect.
01:48 Sep 05 2008
Times Read: 660
I don't know what it is about me, but if I hate someone, chances are, I'll stay have respect for them. When if I hate them to begin with, it's because they didn't respect someone, or something. Following me?
Well I was thinking, very few people don't have my respect. You know how hard that is to do? It's near impossible. But it's been done.
Karissa doesn't have my respect. Sure all the stuff with Gabby is over and done (I think), but I don't know. She is just... *sigh* I don't need words. :P
David K doesn't have my respect. Fucking idiot. When I say that, I mean it. Pure scum. Just because his family has money, he thinks he's automatically cool. Haha.... ha. No.
Jamie doesn't have my respect. And I'm not even gonna start. I'll get mad. I'm actually already starting to get mad. Next subject.
That's about it for people who don't have my respect. Seriously, basically everyone else I know has my respect. Sure, they may have screwed me over, and sure, I may hate them. And maybe, just maybe, they don't have respect for me. But I still have my respect for them.
I dunno. Just sucks for those three. lol.
Unlike Me, Many of My Friends Changed Over the Summer.
04:13 Sep 03 2008
Times Read: 667
If someone asked me on a Lie Detector if I have changed much over the summer in my point of view, I would honestly say "No."
I just... don't think I have.
Okay, well, one the last day of 9th grade, I texted a bunch of people, asking them for their honest opinion if I have changed at all, in any way.
Most didn't reply, some said they didn't know me enough to say, and a couple said something along the lines of, "yeah... I don't know how, but you have".
Well that got me FAR in what I wanted to know.
But anyway, I was thinking, and it's like... I don't think I have changed much from 9th Grade Abbey to 10th Grade Abbey. I'm still... me.
My interests are all the same, my people, and like... whatever.
But unlike me, some people I know have changed a little bit. Like Gabby.
Now seriously, me and her used to be SO close. Like sisters. I mean, I told her everything. And likewise. Whatever happened to that? I don't know.
She says that Shani, Maddie, and I are her true best friends. But I'm not sure if I believe that. Who does she spend most her time with? Other... people. Who would she RATHER spend her time with? She says us, but... in the end. It's the other people that don't have her back.
It makes no sense.
I dunno... I guess we just aren't loyal and honest enough for her.
And it makes me sad.
My Need For Human Interaction is Ever Growing.
04:02 Sep 03 2008
Times Read: 669
Sounds like a really good song name. I mean I can really see Say Anything name a song after that. OH BY THE WAY THEY ARE COMING BACK HERE IN MARCH. I'M GOING TO THIS ONE EVEN IF MY MOM SAYS NO.
This one guy named Zach was supposed to go to the mall with us today. Which got me thinking, although he didn't even go.
Maybe it's just 'cause I got myself all hyped up on the idea of meeting new people at high school, but for some reason, I feel like I'm missing someone in my life. No, not my love life, I got a pretty good guy for that. But I mean... I don't know.
No, I don't want to push my old friends away to make more. There's no need for that. I want to just make more. I'm a Social Butterfly. And I can't find enough fucking nector to feed what I need inside.
Whoah. That was one hell of an analogy.
Anyway, I don't know what it is. I'm not lonely. I'm sure of that. I don't need someone to divulge my secrets to or something. I got someone for that. I don't need someone for laughs, I got everyone for that.
It's not like I need someone smarter then me to talk to, to open my eyes to some unfound reasoning inside of me. I went through that when I was 11. I know about the world and some of the ways it works. If that makes sense.
And in Psychology, I know about a lot of the things Lawnmower talks about.
Is it so wrong to just want to meet new people? Sure, it could get me into some deep shit, but but but, I got myself there, and I know it's my fault. I'll get over myself. :P
I'm the big girl.
03:52 Sep 03 2008
Times Read: 671
Fer starters, I'm not saying I'm fat. I'm just saying my friends are small.
Maddie and Shani share a bunch of the same clothes. And they are both smaller than me.
Lanie isn't teeny tiny, but I would kill to have her body.
Bonnie? Shit, don't get me started.
Preston? dayum. has he always been that tiny?
I dunno. I'm not ashamed that I eat a lot. Hell, anyone that has seen me eat knows that I don't give a shit.
But then I think about it sometimes. I think about if I should go on a diet. Or excercise more.
Then, I think about my personality. I usually don't stick to things. I lose will power. And I just hate excercising.
Eating less? Shyeah I've thought about it. But but but, people know me as the person who has herself under control. Like they know that I wouldn't ever become anorexic or bulimic. But yeah, the thought REALLY has passed through my head.
Maybe I eat because of my friends. If that makes sense. It's sure stretching it. I mean think about it. I eat, stay level-headed (except for the hyper/weird part), and people still like me. lol. It wouldn't be me to be weak. Especially when so many people count on me.
And yes, I know they do. Even if it isn't much. Some way or another, yes?
People are always saying that I'm perfect the way I am. Damn, even I say that. I believe it too. I mean, who would I be without food? No one. That's who. Why? I'd be dead. That's why. Got it?
Fantastic.
COMMENTS
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DuCroix
00:41 Sep 29 2008
Unless, of course, the if is worth pursuing.