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8 entries this month
My life and how it was this time last year.
07:04 Nov 30 2008
Times Read: 595
Hahaha, the huge break up with Shanika. Damn. That sucked. And now me and her barely talked.
I saw it coming.
I was so obsessed with finding myself and what everything meant. Now look at me. I'm myself, and I'm happy with it.
I was so defensive. Really. It's like I was afraid that if someone if insulted me I was gonna pounce on them and freak the fuck out. Now it's like "You're not worth my time."
There was snow. It's snowed like twice this year so far. And it's like... December. Almost.
VR hasn't changed all that much. No surprise.
The computer I'm writing this all in is in my brother's room. Just like last year, I want a laptop. And just like last year, I'm hoping I'll get it for Christmas.
My sexual orientation mattered.
Ha.
Oh, how high school has changed me so.
He's fine.
06:48 Nov 30 2008
Times Read: 597
Erik is fine.
Well, except that he gets bored way too often.
And just because he got to sleepover at my house the first time we hung out doesn't mean I want to talk to him all day long, everyday.
I really hope he doesn't start to annoy the shit out of me.
Aj the player.
06:47 Nov 30 2008
Times Read: 598
He is and it's really pissing me off.
He says to Lindsay that he is the only girl for him.
And then he held hands with Lanie?
What the fuck is he thinking?
Playing TWO of my friends?
Not only that, he has fucked over Gabby, Mallori, and a couple other girls.
And he says that he doesn't like being in relationships because they have all cheated on him. Maybe it's the other way around....?
And what makes it worse is that he's so damn loveable!! I mean I don't like him in that way, not at all. He's so funny. And scary at the same time, but way nice.
I would just have to say not to get into personal relations with this guy.
He can't die on me!
02:14 Nov 23 2008
Times Read: 612
So Erik is suicidal.
I was foolish to think that none of me friends would ever be emo again.
I mean he's a new friend so it's different that way, but it's like I was just thrown into his drama. I'm not complaining, I'm freaking out.
I texted him today, twice.
And after Lindsay left, I called him. Straight to voicemail.
What the hell am I supposed to do?
I can't help unless I can talk to him.
I hope he's okay on Monday.
But I want HIM.
02:11 Nov 23 2008
Times Read: 613
Okay, so Maddie told me earlier this week that her friend (and my buddy too) Eric liked me.
I was like "Whoah." I mean he's chill off da hizz 'ook. But I mean, him liking me? That took me off guard. Hardcore.
And then there's this guy who is in my ceramics class that likes me apparently. No, not Gary. His name is Alex. He's kinda funny. And he's way cool too. BUT-- he went out with Fatass3. I mean, he doesn't like her anymore, and they didn't even make out, so it's like whatever, but I just don't like him like that.
It makes it kind of awkward because I kinda flirt with Gary (No, I don't like him anymore, I just have a very strong physical attraction to him.), and so if he likes me, it makes me feel like a bad person. If that makes sense at all.
The only person I want right now is Shane, and all of my friends know it's obvious. I talk about him non-stop. And I think about him even more. He's the biggest crush I have had since... Shanika.
I think that says more than anything in this case. I like... love him you know? And I don't even know if I'll ever get to be with him.
So... Yeah.
Great.
Dammit.
Friends, still.
00:23 Nov 14 2008
Times Read: 618
So... Gary broke up with me.
And I'm glad =]
But not for the reasons I usually would be.
After Minh and Renne, I was happy because the relationship was just... bad. I didn't like them anymore.
When Gary broke up with me, I was so happy! He BROKE UP WITH ME IN PERSON. And as I said before, that's what I wanted, just to experience it. It could not have gone better.
"I just... Don't want to be in a relationship anymore... Sorry!"
"It's fine! Really! I'm so happy! I mean- not like that!"
"Nah, I don't care if you're happy about it." (that part sounded bad, but it's Gary, and it's fine lol.)
"Well I mean I'm happy because you're breaking up with me IN PERSON! That means so much to me!"
"Yeah... ha ha... Well... it just wasn't going the way I thought it would."
"Yeah, same here. I mean, things have come up... And I don't think I want a boyfriend at the school right now... But can we REALLY stay friends?"
"Yeah! I really want to be still!"
"YAY! That made me happy. 'Cause think about it. We have one class each day together. It would just be so awkward if we didn't want to be."
"Yeah, that's why I'm happy! But I'm sorry. I really am. It's not you, you never did anything wrong AT ALL. I just don't want a relationship now."
"It's fine! Good!"
And... yeah! So... Am I happy for the right reasons this time? I mean I guess it's just that we talked about it in person and everything... So it made it more chill. If that makes sense...
So today comes, and we had this assembly (which come of it was actually kinda cool, but I got waaayyy bored). It was in the big gym, and there's this track that goes around it. So I just started to walk around it listening to my iPod trying to drown out the chaos of everyone screaming and yelling and all that. Then I keep walking, and then I look to my left, and there is Gary. MAN HE LOOKED SO GOOD [to me]. And of course, he was talking to Karissa. But whatever. I look over, we make eye contact. He waves, I wave back. I hoped I looked like it didn't mean too much to me, but I thought I was gonna just scream! I still had my friend!
Later, I had ceramics with him. Seriously, it was like we never went out. Like we were friends that entire time. You know? It was fucking great.
Ohh, I like not losing friends =]
Update on my life now.
01:01 Nov 07 2008
Times Read: 633
I'm starting to listen to Alternative/Rock/Metal/Screamo a lot more now. I feel like a different person.
I still love rap and hip-hop, but I don't know, I'm starting the want to listen to something that has more meaning.
I own 2 pairs of skinny jeans now. I feel so much prettier. But are my eyes deceiving me? I feel like I'm just conforming to the trends, but, who ever said I wasn't going to anyway? They are just pants.
Some of my friends want to get to know Shane better. Shane and I are constantly getting closer. I want to be with him so bad. But I don't want to mess things up with Gary.
Speaking of Gary, people are always asking me how things are going with him. I say good, but then I question my answer, ar they really all that great? In school, he's always focused on his friends. But when we are alone, then he focuses on me. I can see why he hasn't had a relationship in a year I suppose. But... I still like him.
Winter. Ergh. I don't like the cold. Or heat, either, but I mean, I really don't like cold. lol. It makes people seem to be more edgy. But that's just what I have noticed.
I think I'm starting to get over my hate for Karissa and KLC. And that's saying a lot for how much I hate them. But it's just like, it was years ago. Why still be mad at them? No, they aren't going to be my best friends. No way in fucking hell. But I mean, maybe they will earn my respect again.
I feel so mature saying that.
I miss Preston. I need to call him sometime soon. Maybe I will in a little bit. Just to hang out for a bit. Just to catch up. I miss his hugs.
My dad has started to drink again. No, not a lot. But maybe it's like a beer a day. See? Not a lot. But I know vaguely of his past, and I got a feeling that it could return to that. Yeah, I went there.
My mom is so down on herself. I think she is so beautiful. But I think that she thinks she is the ugliest thing to walk on this earth. I hate it. I want her happy, whatever way that may be for her. Her life is so stressful. I hope I don't make it much worse, if any.
My brother is wasting his life away in front of the TV more than ever. He graduated school, and got fire from his job. So he sleeps whenever he wants and just like..... ugh. You'd think that being home -without even going outside a little bit- days in a row would drive you crazy. But no, he just sits there, watches TV, plays on the PS2, or gets on the computer.
Kaycee is gone. I miss her so much. Last tuesday, the first day that she was gone in English, my heart was sad. Just... sad. Not empty, but I mean like, she's going on with her life, without me.
Same with Paola. She was forced to move to Texas all by herself basically. It's so sad. I miss her. I didn't even get to say goodbye. I only got a voicemail on my phone. I saved it.
My aunt is in the hospital. She had knee surgery, which was fine, but then like 2 weeks after she had that surgery and was released, she collapsed in her home. So she's back again. I really have no idea how she is doing or anything. I hope she'll be fine.
Carlos has decided to become straightedge. It's kind of annoying. I think he's taking it too far. But I wouldn't really blame him. Gabby screwed him over way hardcore. But that's not the point. He's changing and I hope it's just a phase.
I think that about sums it up on my Update on my life now.
Times, Gone.
01:22 Nov 03 2008
Times Read: 643
I was just thinking about about 2 summers ago. When life was just so simple. Internet, everyday. Friends on occasion. Sims, Sims, Sims.
I remember epically ruling 8 convos on MSN at once. More than once that happened. Everyone used to be on MSN. What happened to that?
It's cell phones now. I text a lot yes, but, it's not as good as MSN. As the computer. Or, in person. In person is the best.
That's what I miss the most.
People having the balls to talk in person.
Now see, I'm the kind of person who is just like, if I see you in person, I'll come up and talk to you. Instead of texting you later that night saying "lololol i saw you earlier today. did you see me?"
You know what I mean?
I miss being in love with Mark.
I miss those days when Evan and I had something to talk about.
Same with Ben&Ben too.
Ohhh, where have the times gone?
COMMENTS
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RazzleDazzle
04:30 Dec 01 2008
I love high school. :]
AND OMG I LOVE JORDAN.
I have a story for you. :D