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bloody pain
20:19 Dec 01 2010
Times Read: 492

I feel its hurt so close so familiar my old friend and the nightmare of my life, what a rut have i fallen in no not drugs or drink of anykind its not that my body seeks. its a pain pure and simple one that burns and lascerates its a pain the flows red and a body that aches each sin is notched in angry lines some bigger some smaller they all burn ill remeber my stripes for days to come. i feel more peaceful more sane my world looks a tiny bit more manageable but i still want to scream, i still want to hurt i still cant find light its like clawing inside a dark box while drowning it just doesnt compute. the pain inside its like a storm brewing on a dark cold night ones where mothers scream at the lost of their child and fathers rage with fury as their daughters are defiled, its the crys of lost innocences and the wordless talks of virtue on an empty pulpet nothing is sacred anymore nothing matters anymore anyone can rip motherhood from a person anyone can destroy a life anyone can murder kill and destroy life isnt so simple anymore. But the release the tearing of flesh the sweet escape from reality for breif seconds the blood wells and the crimson flows so easily in the cold night of november. remeber assholes the fragilness of the mind and the sharpness of words you cant take them back and and they cut worse than this blade dont fucking feel sorry after you see the stripes on my arm wake up and figure it all out before you attack me verbally and physically dont wait till you see blood wake up call oh you love me really how sweet when your ripping and throwing me around by my hair, how kind as you pin me down and shout at me lovely how you wait till im bleeding from your knife the one in my hands to sit up and pay attention. next time have your wake up call a little bit earlier.

choke
20:16 Dec 01 2010
Times Read: 493




He chokes at me and feels my breath stop pinning me to the bed cause the pleasure he wants from me



then hes gentle soothing and kissing and i want to make love to you



lost in a corner hyperventalating screaming and crying on the inside a coward on the outside he towers he attacks he lashes out he pulls my hair bruising my skull tossing me to the ground, and pulling muscles as he pins and attacks my upper body, i scream but the music drowns the sound.



he caresses my face and becomes loving and sweet saying hes sorry and it will never happen again and he'll control himself ....



Then is back against the wall hitting my head off of hard wall the cuts on my arm being reopend in his rushing ruthlessness, the bruises form on my arms and the monster within him he cant control he bites and rips at chunks of my hair pulling me to him keeping me trapped



then her massages my temples and tells me he loves me and hes sorry.....



once again it starts commanded to take a pill to calm emotions he doesnt want to see, my arm twisted and cavity checked for a a weapon that i did not have my shoulder hurts from his ruffness my cuts irritated but my brain is fuzzy as the mood stablizer makes me space into blahness







What to do?????????

shifters
20:12 Dec 01 2010
Times Read: 494

Tears i hold back, and my glasses hide my eyes its only 11 am and im hidding behind yet another facade just another one of my faces one i show the world today i am an Avian. Avians do not cry and avians do not morn, avians do not show emotion no matter what cold inside and out. But later after the sun passes the high of her travels here in my sky i will shift no longer the bird now serpentine in my question my emotions rampart and ever changing i slither so close to anger then to hate i slither this way and that fighting tears and hurt back with venom and vice but it last only so long and again i shift in to majestic indifference of the panthera tigris tigris, moving with all the grace of the royal house and the poise and primeness of the beauty that this creature not wholly god's holds. I will be distant as the royal queen of england and be lost in the bambo and wilderness all while standing in front of vouyers with a public face plastered to my face. But as the night comes im my truest form and i howl all precepts gone all inhibitions lost i will run with the lone moonbeams and discard my pelts of cover and sing to my father moon of my sorrows and hopes ,of my fears and wants i will plead to him for my hearts desires and needs and run into the night chasing the rabbits and out running the pack around me avoiding them as i run my lonely path till i find the leader the alpha late late in the night i howl my challenge. Its a dance i have danced so many times before he wants me as his i want the pain he offers while i dont comply i want to fight just to be put down . He is strong and i am violent i lash out in primal beastiality and attack first wanting to rile him. I want that pain i want to laugh at his attempts while i can teasing him with mock submission and never giving more than i can afford to lose. So i fight this night for his pain the sharpness of his teeth and the sting of his claws. He knows what im doing he knows i bait him he knows im not ready to be collared and accept him as alpha of my body or mind, he knows im playing this game so i only get my physical release safely. he wants more but for now he waits till next saturday untill then all my forms the masses therein watch and wait till its time to be in a waking nightmare and the sweet release. and he will watch too the alpha and his pack will watch my movements and mark my trails for reminders and to net me in a safe release. where will i find him tonight????