The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

I lie alone at night. In a big bed, with nobody to hold. Why do I do this? Because I don't like people? No. Because nobody likes? I would hope not. I do this because the only person I love is too far away for me to hold. But she's always right there. I was arguing with my dearest beloved mother earlier this evening. Her washing machine is messed up. Is it my fault? Not at all. Can I fix? Probably. After all, I am being trained for Maintenance. But no, I'm never good enough to do anything. How can I show my family that I have learned skills. That I know what I'm doing when handling wires, doing plumbing, or just hanging drywall. My mother has always said I'm never going to amount to anything. That I'm useless and worthless. Well, mother, I'm going to prove you wrong. When I'm living an easy life, doing work I LOVE to do. Then you may call me worthless. Sigh. She'll never be proud of me.

COMMENTS

-

---

Haiku
13:46 Dec 24 2009

A feeling of inadequacy is not unusual in this kind of situation. Just do small things at first. Don't pressure her into BELIEVING that you can do the things she thinks you can't. Prove her wrong in small acts, don't force it all on her at once. :)

---

xneedyoux
02:05 Dec 26 2009

Babi I love you. And like i said earlier over the phone. Everything will be ok. I promise you.

ILOVEYOU

---

POST COMMENT

So I don't know what to say. But I really feel like I need to write. I just haven't in awhile, whether you wanna read it or not. I really don't care. It will help me feel better. I think.

I don't know anything anymore it seems. I know I love her. I know I'm in love with her, and that I want to spend the rest of my life with her. But, who knows anymore? I feel it's been a life time since I've ever felt this way. If I have at all. But is this how its supposed to be? Worrying constantly? Wondering if today's the day it will end? I know she loves me. She tells me so all the time. But what if she meets somebody else? What if she feels that it isn't going to work out because of the distance. If I could just show, just prove to her how much she means to me. I think that would fix alot of the problems. But thats the thing. I don't know how to. I don't know how to prove to her that my love for her is true. That it is unending. Unhampered.

Honestly, this "love" scares me. Because I don't want to get hurt again. I don't believe she will hurt me. But there is always that chance. That tiny, or large, or miniscule, or gigantic chance that it will happen. I'm willing to take the chance. I know she wanted to break up before to "protect" me. I wouldn't let her. I wouldn't allow her. I wanted to take the risk, because she is truely worth it.

Could it be that I'm not ready for this kind of relationship? I tell myself I am. I believe I am. But why does it seem that when ever I feel this way about somebody, I start to, (sighs) "push" them away, for lack of a better word. I don't intend on doing it. But I fear I am starting to do it to her. It's definitely not something I want.

I just wish there was some way to show to her how much she means to me. To show her that I love the way she talks to me. The way she calls me babi love. To really explain to her how I feel when she says my name. When I hear her voice, and its more beautiful than the angels singing from the heavens. I wish there was some way to show to her that although she has had a rough past, that I believe that she will go on to do great things. I wish I could explain to her that I'm truely and inevitably in love with her, and nobody else. I don't think its even possible to explain. I've tried so many times. But words fail me. My dear words, the one thing that remains true and constant in my life. Not even they can explain how much I love her. Maybe some day I will show her. In the mean time, I love you, my angel. My sweet. My everything.

COMMENTS

-

---

xneedyoux
01:51 Dec 24 2009

I.LOVE.YOu. Dont push me away. plz. i know you love me. and you know i love you. and this, this is true. 0we belong together. nothing is going to change. dont worry. dont be scared. im not going to hurt you. you are my universe. everything i want and need. i couldnt survive without you, without ur love. and i cannot wait to marry you. that day is in my mind. and its what im waiting for.the moment that i can call you my hiusband. and for you to call me your wife. and we can have kids. and spend every single night in each others arms. you are truely the one for me. and i thank you for everything. all the words. all the promises. everything. you make my life worth living.

ILOVEYOU

---

POST COMMENT

I never thought that it would be this way. I never thought I could feel this blissful. When I talk to her, I feel so...stunned. It has never happened to me before. I've fallen, and I've fallen hard. But, I never wanna be picked back up. I wanna stay this way, and I will. I will forever feel this way, I will forever feel this bliss, this amazing feeling, deep in my heart. I can't imagine it being any other way. It's as if she was created just for me, like we were destined to be together. I'm completely happy, and nothing can change that as long as I have her. She's my one and only, she's my universe, she's my everything. Without her I feel so empty, without her I feel so dull. But then I think, I have her heart, I have her, and nobody else, and my spirit soars with pride. Because I truely have found the perfect woman in the world, and it will never change. I love you Kaela. Truely. Sincerely. With all my heart, and all my soul. I love you.

COMMENTS

-

---

xneedyoux
14:24 Dec 15 2009

aww:)

i love you also my sweet babi!

You are amazing!

This made me tear up---

happy tears, dont worry!

thank you my love:)

ILOVEYOU

---

POST COMMENT