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Everything just seems so hard. I remember how excited I was about living on my own. I was so happy even when I did silly things like buying a few plates and some silverware... deciding which cleaning stuff I was going to use, choosing a color patteren for the bathroom. All that junk that seems so normal to most people, and so strange to me. I didn't grow up in that world, I'm just trying to claw my way into it.



I did the unthinkable. I borrowed money from a friend. So now I owe my best friend in the world 1000 dollars and I'm not sure I'll be able to pay it back if someone doesn't start helping more around here. I can't do three people on my check and another three hundred a month.. hell I can't even do three people with an extra five hundred a month... well maybe I could, never had the chance to try it.



The one time I did have a little extra money was about this time last year. Then winter came and the gas prices soared and this tiny appartment with it's shitty little one room heater pumped out over 2000 dollars worth of gas.. .and didn't even heat the one room it was in.



All last winter we spend pressed to the stupid heater, the only sounds were that of teeth chattering and the occasional muffled OUCH when you leaned too close and burnt yourself. Then there's the days of not eating. That sucks. I really hate not eating, especially since I work in a supermarket, so it's almost painful to be ringing people's orders up while your thinking about stealing it out from under then and eating it right then and there.



That wouldn't be good though. Nope, nope.



I'm not sure what I'm going to do.

The first plan is to move out of this apartment on November 1st. Find a place that has better heating system so it won't cost so much. The main problem with this heater is it's an old fashion gas heater hooked into the wall... it's in the kitchen and it's used for the heat of the whole house. It's ridiculous.



I figure if I get a place with an radiators in each room, or some other form of heating, then I'll be all set... but I'm not doing oil.... With gas they can't shut you off until the end of winter... but with oil they just don't have to give it to you. I remember many a cold night because we didn't have money for oil.



So what to do.. what to do. If I'm correct everyone in my age group goes through this... then they mature and somehow get the upper hand on life... or maybe not.. I do live in America where being 10,000 dollars in debt is about average... the Country of living above your means...



I love my country, just wish we didn't set ourselves up so much..



Alright, so let's see... a goal.. a goal...