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My friends got married today, and I got to be the best man! haha It was so beautiful. I did the bride's hair and makeup. It was really cool to be able to sign as a witness. I felt important haha. Win! I can't wait to see what the baby looks like. She's already about 6 months along so not too much more waiting!



I had to take a placement test today for math, ugh no fun. At least I was waived from the english part, cause I knows english good. Gotta take some forms up tommorrow and then register on monday. Oh fun, wow. I am excited to go back to school, there's at least people I know here.



Still no word from Tom. God this is killing me, this waiting. Wish me luck.

Jesus christ on a cross. Hexi sure does look adorable in her t-shirt. Hexi is a dog, if you wondered. She got fixed today, the poor dear. My hairdresser cut my hair too short, but it'll grow back. But what made today suck was this empty feeling, knowing that no matter how 'perfect' you are, the ones you love will still leave you, so all your effort and kindness is wasted. I beg the goddess to make tom see that he does really still love me. I know I can't 'make' someone feel a certain way, but I can damn well sure try.

Im so confused, and hurt, and, sick.





My boy said today he wanted to slow things down, because he dosen't feel as in love with me as he used to. He says he still does love me, to death buthe dosen't want to hurt me, and wants me to see my friends more and detach from him. He wants me to see what else is out there because he wants to see me happy. But all I want is him and no one else. He wants to figure things out about how he feels. I understand but it still hurts.

Serene lakes, towering mountains, crisp air, and the scent of pine. Now that's a vacation!

Im leaving in about eight hours for the adirondacks, I'll be gone untill the sixteenth. Im so amped, I haven't been up there in two years and from the time I was seven up till I was seventeen, I would go every year. I can't wait to go to the taxidermy store! I believe I'll be staying in Inlet which is two or three hours from Lake Placid. One day I'd like to visit Lake Champlain cause of that lady they found preserved at the bottom who had killed herself by tying an anchor to her neck. Im gonna kayak and hike and all that jazz till I start vomiting pure outdooriness haha.

naopte buna

Sometimes you feel like the helpless littly boat being sucked down the drain as the tub water swirls down the pipes. And then sometimes you feel like a perfect crisp, cold morning in the mountains with the sun warming your face.



These statements accurately describe the past 42 hours.



Yesterday,...well let's just skip over that .



Today, was opening night at the Erie county fair, wooh! I met up with some friends yada yada, good times. Also the first day in quite a few I've felt like myself again. Honestly, I'm not a down person. I'm usually very energetic and optomistic. (Told you I can't spell) So I was very chipper. I came home, had my usual goodnight phone call from the boyfriend.

And then he calls back, this is where the trouble starts. Ok, so Monday night I went to a party and met this girl who knows my boy, Tom. So the night goes on and I give my friend a back rub/ scratch, he's gay by the way, so no big deal right? And I gave him a nip on the shoulder, just for kicks. So back to the phone call, he says,"I hear you were involving youself with another guy at cat's party." I exclaimed,"What?!" Apparently that bitch thought it was her business to tell tom about my 'cavorting'. So we had this big long conversation, and I cried like an idiot, he means a lot to me, and my anxiety was running rampant. I have servere anxiety, so I panic a lot haha. We straightened everything up but it just bugged me, you know? Plus all I've done is ball like a baby for the past three days anyways. I feel better now, but if I see that cunt again, shit's going down. Pardon my language. So this was just a whiny rant, I promise Im not normally so 'ugh'.

naopte buna!