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A Butterfly, a Spider and a Fly
09:44 Sep 29 2011
Times Read: 403

Yesterday, I saved a butterfly from breaking wings against one of my windows.

The day before that, I saved a large house spider. And afterwards the spider caught a fly in its web.

That darn fly. So annoying it was. I've heard that houseflies only live for 24 hours. Hmm... I find that hard to believe.

Either way, my duty of care even reaches our insectual friends.



I sit here and contemplate all the hazy thoughts surfacing to my mind, as the grip of slumber loosens from my wakeful state.



Did I have a dream last night?

Of course I did; however, I can not remember. I must have been extremely tired.

Or is the reason something else?



Either way, I'll make up for it later. I'm sure.



Afternoon naps are so luxurious!

Pausing
23:47 Sep 27 2011
Times Read: 410




Have you ever paused? Just paused your words and actions, letting your lungs naturally expel the last breath you took. When the thoughts are paused and the actions stilled allowing the sense of self to listen. Silence except for that last breath leaving and within that breath the last word that crossed your lips and the last action your body took.

To pause thought from distraction, not to force any thought to occur, just simply be. Once you -become- there are those couple of seconds where you feel as if you linger, yet the world around you stops.

I find it rather comforting when I'm going through apanthropinization. Sometimes to withdrawal from human concerns or the human world is a blessed thing, lonely yes, but blessed.

Indeed
16:04 Sep 27 2011
Times Read: 415

Indeed.



Astonishing idiopathic strings woven together like words from a dream;



Had I ever would believed it, not knowing what I have seen?



Distant rubicon pictures floating by a restful stream;



Water flowing, running free and there I layed;



Could this all be just a dream?



Indeed.



A ideal pleochroism spinning ideological and most emotionally radical idealism.



The 'idea' of it all.



Indeed.

To Regret Emotional Standards
23:52 Sep 26 2011
Times Read: 420

I've tried to live my life without regret. If something is done, then you shouldn't regret it, but in order to not regret it later, then you must of had to have done the right thing in the first place.

This is often a problem.

At the time in which you chose something or do something, you think it's the right thing to do; however, in hindsight and knowing what you know, you may reconsider that you didn't do the right thing after all.

Thus, you start to become poisoned by 'regret'.



There are few people that I know within this world that are 'all or nothing'. I happen to be one of them.

The 'all' to me, is a combination of things that I would like to be, not really things that I would like to have. The 'nothing' is the product of the 'all' that only has a few numbers to that 'combination'.

What am I to do with a half combination? It's not going to help me unlock an 'entirety' of something.

So, instead of just being 'stuck' with a useless, unworkable half combination, then I'd rather 'stick' with the 'nothing'.



Hindsight and regret go hand in hand, frockling down a path of uncertainty and apprehension. Apprehensive about the uncertainty of what lies on the path, around the path, beyond the path and within the path.

The path quickly becomes compromised and unwalkable.



If I knew what I know now, 10 years ago, then I wouldn't be where I am now. But, if I knew then what I do know now, then I wouldn't have been in the position to realise anything... because... nothing would be as it truly is now.



Stability is part of the 'all' that I long to have underneath my feet. Stability is a good number to have amongst the combination... it greatens the 'statistic' of a happier life.



But what actually 'is' a happier life? Some people think that money is a happiness inducing addition. Some people think that money isn't everything. Money, like with other materialistic virtues can bring either happiness or bitterness. It can make a person jealous, greedy and impatient. Or, make a person joyous, charitable or frivolous.

If something as physically 'simple' as spendable paper can do all them things, then just think of the power of what one's mind can do.

The mind can either deal with stress or just block out stressful things. For me, the mind is more important than spendable paper... in this case, just plain paper would be a stress reducer for mind.



And is that stress reduced further if the plain paper is blanketed with emotional words? Is that stress relived even further if someone can respond to the emotional words? Does that stress get closer to fleeing completely away if someone actually also, emotionally acknowledged those words?

Maybe. But, again it's all 'nothing' if that someone doesn't even bother to fully read or comprehend what those emotional words actually 'mean'.

The the writer can become even more stressed out if they are told, 'Sorry, but I just don't understand what you say.'

OK. Then can you at least tell me why you are in my life?



I've always thought, it's not the quantity of people that are involved in one's life, but the quality of people. I've often wondered if my own standards are too high for those that I have in my life.

On a moral, virtuistic and emotionally standpoint, I mean. Not in the 'mortal' sense. I'm not an 'elitist'.



Maybe there is something within me that attracts certain 'whatevers' into my life that I'm supposed to either do something with or vanquish from my life altogether.

Is there such a thing as an emotional reconstruction?

Is there such a thing as emotional damage control?

Is there such a thing as emotional standards?

If there is such a thing as the latter, then why am I wasting my time with those that do not have the same emotional standards as me?



...because there is this gift/curse in which I am helplessly bound.

How utterly typical...
18:42 Sep 26 2011
Times Read: 422

It's so very typical whenever I join anything that I am suddenly verbally accosted because I'm a female. While some may find that flattering, I find it absolutely annoying, as me being a female does not mean I am nothing else.

I am many things yet those that approach me often fail to realise just how many things sum me up.



I like to have conversations that doesn't include being emoted at in such a way that I find quite questionable. It makes me just want to end the encounter as quickly as possible and thankfully I have just the silver tongue to be able to do that.



Is there anyone here that can understand, truly understand that there is more to this Life, than getting a quick carnal thrill?



Again... I'm just simply waiting here.