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2 entries this month
Breakdown Episode...
15:57 May 14 2023
Times Read: 124
I think last night was one of my worst breakdowns I've had in awhile. I'm usually stronger than I appear to be and with it being Mother's Day, this day is even harder on me. I don't have custody of my son and I know my sorry ass ex isn't going to let me see him unless I ask him as well. They wanna do it on their time and I'm just an inconvenience for them as well. That's how it's always been. Last night though...
Our friend came over to get out of his house and to bug my husband, which I'm fine with, but what I'm not okay with is him saying that he wished it was a child who got hit by the drunk driver and not him. That set me off as a mother. Last night...I literally was having the hardest time coming back from the dark place that I shouldn't have been at. I was feeling worthless, because my husband had to go call our friend to make sure he was okay, cause he had kicked him out after he kept going on and on about how he wished it was someone else who had gotten hit and not him. I get that...you wish it wasn't you, and yet, you kept going and going, and even said you wished it was a child who had gotten hit...As a mother, that is disgusting to say and just wrong. I get it, he's Autistic, but he's at the level, where he can literally think before he speaks.
Basically, my husband went to console him instead of making sure I was okay. I literally broke down, talked to three different people and when my husband came back upstairs I spoke to him and told him how I even felt. He felt bad, for leaving me alone and choosing to go console his friend over me. I know I keep going back to it, and saying it was the worst night for me...I was ready to start C*tting as well......I was that far gone last night....
And We're done!16:16 May 13 2023
Times Read: 141
Alright, so this new job at the college is AMAZING and we finally finished the year out yesterday! Graduation was yesterday for us and it wasn't as busy as I thought it was going to be. We started a little after 11am with the serving of the food and it died down rather quickly as well though. It was pretty chill and what not. Oh, my friend who is also a coworker had gotten into a wreck the day before. A drunk driver hit him and luckily he is okay though. He's just been in pain though as well from the wreck. He's going to an urgent care on Monday since we're done with work. He also has a surgery coming up this month, which means my husband and I will be busy helping him out as much as we can. So, with that said, the 25th I may or may not be around depending on what our friend needs and what not. So, there's that. I may or may not pick up a summer time job though, I've been thinking about it rather heavily and whether or not I wanna work over the summer just to make some side cash or not.
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