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So my birthday is coming up and I have started to notice more than a few grey hairs. Normally I have ignored such things but this year it seems that if I pulled them all out I would be bald.......ok that is an exaggeration but really there were a lot.



So I decided to color my hair. At the salon I told the overly chipper and disgustingly young girl to just go a tad darker than my original color. (Dark chestnut brown) I should have known that things were going to go bad when she said "sure thing MAM" *sound of gum snapping*



So here I sit with JET BLACK hair...........I have to say that I kind of like it but it is summer and now it is REALLY dark. Oops!

Today is 5/31/09 and the MTV movie awards are on in a few hours. Normally I cannot stand watching these shows........but they are going to air the movie trailer for New Moon. I have not decided yet if I am going to watch it.



The smart thing to do would be to watch it. Get the pain over with, like ripping off a band aid. I know that I am going to HATE this movie, that it is going to make the hole in my heart even larger................but the masochist in me will not be able to look away.............

All I wanted was to spend a quiet evening at home - BUT NO..........another stupid party, with MORONS.



I have but a few moments to myself...............sigh.

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xIronKnightx
00:29 May 30 2009

yes sometimes it the quite nights we all crave, others we need the energy of a party, but you should have taken what you needed that night hun



knight

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InsanityHasPigtails
01:04 May 30 2009

moments are better than nothing i spend a life time with one

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Nedra
23:37 May 31 2009

The night completely lived up to my expectations..........I have got to stop attending these.

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I just realized how large my new stamp is. I did not mean for it to be that large. lol.



I apologize for any inconvenience and I am going to try and figure out how to make it smaller now.



:)

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BleedingMassacre
00:38 May 25 2009

i think its great but if you want to resize it:



http://www.pixlr.com/app/

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ThothLestat
04:03 May 25 2009

it looks good, Nedra!

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This holiday weekend I made a last minute decision to just get away from it all. I packed a bag and just left to places unseen.



I settled in - ordered a drink and sat down to spend some quality time with myself.......so what did I do? I spent two hours figuring out PictureTrail.com and updating my profile.



Silly - I know - but 1000% rewarding............sigh............



I think I will go downstairs now........for a bite....to eat.

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Lordpeace
03:12 May 27 2009

you have to do it now and then

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It is a holiday weekend in the US, and I thought I take the opportunity to go on a mini vacation.....I am going to take my laptop with me but ............ well I plan on having some fun :)



I will respond to all messages as soon as I get back.......

I do not have a lot of time today but this is bothering me so I thought that I would put it down before I forget.



I saw one of the new movie posters today for New Moon and it actually hurt to look at it. I had to throw it out.



I know how the story ends.........but this particular part causes me great great pain.



......................sigh

…..I sit here in yet another evening gown, and yes I understand how completely ridiculous that sounds. These are but a few moments that I seem to have to myself anymore. Even now I am watching the clock – making sure that there is enough time to finish my hair and complete my makeup before the car comes to pick me up. * laugh* I remember when I used to find this more entertaining.



The last two months have been such a blur; I cannot even remember the night that I found this site. I do remember the melancholy, the sensation of being lost adrift among a sea of faces that drove me to search ….for something…anything that would return my sanity. When I did come across the rave I remember thinking, “this is interesting – perhaps I will write a profile”. I truly thought that I would be just like others who write some silly explanation and then forever disappear.



The more I perused the site I found myself looking into a mirror….of sorts. Of course there are thousands of people….. (creatures?) here on the rave, but among the ones that caught my attention I felt a sense of kinship. How could this be? Could it be possible that ……dare I say it…….I find a place of my own?



Although my years are not all that extensive, my experiences have aged me considerably. The things that I have seen………. I knew that it would be naive to think that I could just walk in and say “here I am” I truly believed that as soon as I wrote a single word I would be admonished from this site, sent away with all laughing at my heels………



Hours turned into days, days turned into weeks and now here I sit just two short months later finding myself needing to put this thought not just into words, for I have a library full of journals, but put these words here on the rave……How truly amazing this is to me.



More amazing are the people that I have “met”. Again, knowing that anyone can be anything on the internet, I choose to believe that those that I have chosen to associate with are as they have presented themselves. Why not? I want to be the person that I present here because I feel that this is the “real” me. I have discovered that this is where I am most free.



There is so much more to say. The words cannot come out fast enough but I am looking at that dam clock again……there is only 45 minutes left………sigh

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Dragonrouge
01:27 May 17 2009

Take care!

This site is addictive!

You just sole my words.Except I should replace 2 months with 2 years.

Time is on our side, as MO said!Time is on our side.

;)

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Theban
13:31 May 17 2009

I have been here over three years and I have never contemplated my reasons as to why....



I feel the site found me, rather than I found this site...

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nobodysfallenangel
03:26 May 21 2009

I do think you to be a very genuine soul, and you do add to vampirerave. I love seeing you sneak up on my journal. All the comments you leave don't just leave a mark in my journal, but I do consider it be just the right dose of medicine I need. Many people on here can be anything they want, but truly it is people like you, and who have, and can see past those who are not just another face, or space in this place. WOW! That rhymed a lil too much. Well I hope you are well. *hugs*

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Nedra
18:06 May 21 2009

Um *blushes* wow! Thanks!!!! That really does mean a lot to me........ :)

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Lordpeace
03:14 May 27 2009

sweetheart be yourself we can ask for no more of you dont expect anymore of you and if the self you want to be is created so be it just be yourself

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TheVampyreNico
03:31 May 27 2009

I know that feeling all to well LOL. I hope you will enjoy your stay and make many new friends and continue to learn as time passes us by like we are standing still.

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Another year has come but this time - this time I did it correctly.

Did not give you a card, so you could not toss it aside.

Did not get you a present, so you could not tell me how you did not like it.

Did not invite you to dinner, so you could not complain how horrible the food was.



Today - between you and I - was just another day. I celebrated with my own family and, for the first time on this day, I was happy.

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ImageMaker
14:18 May 12 2009

huh, common theme this year. I know exactly how you feel.

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5/19/09: So it appears I am not as over this as I thought.....November is going to be really tough. That movie is going to come out and I am going to fall to pieces...........great.

Time marches on, and although I will NEVER forget him……..the time for mourning is over. My anger has faded and the memories remain.



Joseph……I truly hope that you have found peace.







On April 16th 2009 I lost someone that was once very close and dear to me. We had drifted apart over the last five years but were to see each other this weekend.........an event that I was truly looking foward to. It seems however that this was not enough for him and he took his own life. I can only hope that he now has the peace that always seemed to elude him.

I am jealous of those members that have multitudes of protection stamps. Even more jealous of those that truly earned them.

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Dragonrouge
13:12 May 02 2009

Delicious!

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Lordpeace
19:30 May 02 2009

given of my own violition for my own reasons

i would be honored to see it on your page

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LifesHermit
01:34 May 05 2009

Do you feel you need protection?

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Theban
08:09 May 05 2009

I have been offered many over the years and have turned them all down. I don't like protection stamps and I'm certainly not jealous of people who have them. What would make you want them?....

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So my quest for knowledge continues. I decided to take a look at the Forum here on the VR, a place that I have not yet gone. It seems that I will need to return to my studies as I was overwhelmed with the amount of knowledge out there.



I did not reply - I would not have been able to find the words

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Lordpeace
11:57 May 01 2009

and if we live we learn life goes on

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Theban
08:17 May 05 2009

Knowing is not enough; we must apply.

Willing is not enough, we must do.

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