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I went for my weekly "Anger Management" group session today at my local VA clinic.

Truth is It's not an actual "Anger management" group It's more for us how to deal with all the PTSD stuff. Out of a group of 20 for Thursdays meeting there are 3 of us who were not Vietnam vets.



Any way.. right after I got there and as I was getting out of the car, My back popped 3 times and now I can play the Hunch back of Notre Dame.

I freaked out a bunch of folks because I was hurting bad enough I was shaking, And I couldn't really sit down.

being the stubborn type to pain I tried to not let them worry.

I made it an hour and I couldn't do it any more. So here I am.



When it rains.. or weather changes drastically ..It will happen like this. And yes.. It's one of those souvenirs from the war.



Surprisingly I am disappointed I didn't hang around. The Psycho doc in charge is leaving next month, And I will miss her. Shes good with us screwed up types.I think she is one of the only ones I respect from the VA organization.



I also need to quit procrastinating about my claims. It's ridiculous what you have to do.It's also even worse knowing and even documented, that you were healthy before you went. Then you come back broken, and screwed up, Like me being Insulin dependent because my Pancreas doesn't work, The mental stuff from bad crap, My little bit of Traumatic Brain Injury, and the threat of cancer because of what I was exposed to.( The Biggie..Hexavalent Chromium..Yep just like the crap in that Erin Brockovich movie that was killing people )And all the other aches and pains.. I call getting old.. But that's not true.



I think I Blabbed to much.. I wasn't complaining. It's just a part of my life now and has been for the last 9 years. War is hell they say.. But they don't tell you that in most cases it stays with you long after.Even in the Ancient times.. People , Soldiers went almost through the same thing.

*Sigh*

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moonkissed
19:11 Jul 31 2014

It's ok.

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Isis101
20:21 Jul 31 2014

Yes. Many people forget that when a war is over, it really isn't, for the veterans of that war.

You mentioned Vietnam veterans in your group...these guys are still dealing with that war, and that ended in 1973 (1974)? I should remember...duh.



Anyway...keep strong! *hugs*

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*NOTE-It gets interesting in a bit*



Nothing really to talk about for today. it was just a sunny day.I went somewhere, Didn't do anything there, went to the grocery store, BLT's and Mac and cheese for dinner.

The boring life.

Now I am here.. Trying my best to stay off Ebay looking for the next treasure for my collection.



I have a few places to go to tomorrow. *Sigh* more fun.



I got the new IKEA catalog.. there are a few ok things in there.

More interested in finding old barn wood or flooring from a mill.

Or that donated building materials store.. I like re-purposing things

I wonder if what becomes from things like cabinets and flooring, Bannisters and wood from haunted houses? Does the entity's persona stay with that? Or does it become let's say.. homeless?

I have even wondered about the antiques I acquire.I have a soft spot for those ones that say "this is from my dead grand parents estate" type things. Instead of family heirlooms they just become a means to make a few bucks.. they are unwanted,just trash. I love it even more if they have a name scribbled on them, It is the same for those books I collect I get excited when I find all kinds of notes and even folded little letters in them.



Ghosts would be welcome here... As long as they were not the Amityville horror type. I wouldn't be phased in the least if say a old rocking chair started to rock, or one of my treadle sewing machines did it's own thing.



Do I believe in them? Not in the way movies portray them.

But I do think that there are things that are unexplainable.

It's a big universe, and even bigger on the stuff we can't see, taste or feel.

I came home from work early. That's a rare thing for me to do...



I had a bunch of things on my mind the last few days, but I seemed to have failed to remember them now. It's like driving in the dark at 4 am ..no one the road, just me. my drive to where I work takes an hour. In that time I have some the best ideas,the best thoughts, sometimes that eureka! moment. What sucks is by the middle of my morning I had all but forgotten except a faint memory of those thoughts. If you have read the "Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy" series you would understand by what I mean by this.. It's comparative to "That girl sitting at a small cafe in Rickmansworth (England) suddenly had the answer to every ones problems, and that every thing was going to be ok. Suddenly the Vogons blow up the Earth for the hyperspace bypass and all is forgotten."



If you haven't ever read the books, do so I recommend them.

If you have ..you get it. That's about how fast those brilliant things vanish. POOF!



Where is this going you wonder?

I have no idea. I was just writing.

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moonkissed
01:47 Jul 30 2014

Thank You for coming home early.

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Isis101
03:23 Jul 30 2014

LOL!

The same with having revelations during a dream, only to wake up and not remember most of the dream...sucks.

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I didn't do a bloody thing this morning, This afternoon, Or even now.



I update some on my Portfolio this afternoon.



I slept for a few hours.



I ate Ramen



Yeahhhh.



OK so I will try it again next week to do some things. Procrastinating sucks.

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Isis101
01:01 Jul 27 2014

After taking care of the kitties as I do each early

morning, I went back to bed. Usually, I sleep for 2 more hours...I slept until noon today!

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moonkissed
02:35 Jul 27 2014

This is good. You took a break.

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Isis101
03:24 Jul 30 2014

Oh - and I like this copyright, as it's my birth year...lol

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I have a VR hangover.

Off at 3 am. It's been a while since I done that. It's also been a long time since I enjoyed myself with out the help of ebay and spending $$ I don't have. BLAH yuck whirrrr. And look at me now I am back on while I drink my coffee. Darn YOU!





I had an agenda for today.. Then I stepped out side a few moments ago.It's already getting hot. Yeah I think my agenda of cleaning some of the junk out of the shed just went out the window. Yeah I don't feel it. Lazy lazy lazy.



Saturdays are normal spent like this...

Up around 7ish, coffee down my throat, then depending on the time, one of two flea markets to go to to walk around.Sometimes both.then more often than not a trip to SAM's club for more foodstuffs for work. Then back home exhausted. Maybe an angry nap ( I don't take good naps and wake up after 10 minutes feelling like crap) Then sitting here surfing eBay for nothing. then bed so I can get up at 4am for work.

Bloody old geezer I am.



I will attempt to justify my lack of enthusiasm for doing stuff..

It's Summer. It's Hot. I don't do well in the direct sunlight I am not solar powered until fall. The things I want to do I procrastinate about just because it's hot outside, and in the house. Sure I work almost outside at my job. But it can and will get hotter than being outside. I suffer through my 10 hour workdays until my 40 hours is up and I can go home.

So that as well helps make me lazy. Now once it starts getting away from the 90's and 100 degree days I will be more adventurous.I have things I want to get done. Start the home remodel,the building of things, the auto repairs.Even my vacations I like to take in the fall or winter. Until then I sit around feeling guilty about being lazy, about putting things off, and being slob until I go to that grinder I call work.





Bored yet?

Yeah I'm not feeling it today. Yet.. Maybe this Afternoon I will feel it.

Or not.

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moonkissed
15:53 Jul 26 2014

Oh, I miss gifs. I completely forgot about these.

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Compared to yesterday's journal, not this mornings.. I have had a pretty good day.



Funny.. I have this little antique Japanese Geisha doll on my desk.

She's changed position and I didn't do it....





Hehehe

I have lost my marbles.

WHEEEEEE

Haha I was for some reason thinking about the Cure, The Sisters of Mercy, And all the big hair bands from the 80's.

Funny ..Then I thought about my weekend trips to Chicago from Kalamazoo where I lived, and a alternative club next to lake Michigan.. I think it was called NEO? or something like that. Damn that was so long ago.. Suddenly Nostalgic for some reason.

Pizzeria Uno's.. YUMM! Chicago deep dish pizza,

The Sears tower..

The heavy eyeliner..

The people..





**Sigh***

sometimes I hate getting old.

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Isis101
19:19 Jul 25 2014

You brought back memories for me...lol!

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Myth
20:03 Jul 25 2014

ISIS...GOOD Glad I did!!

I took a moment and looked it.. It was NEO in Chicago... And they are still OPEN! Now if I could only go back to 18 or 19 years old and have a disposable income, and not a care in the world...



Now I would just be that "creepy old stalker guy after the goth girls"

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Detrimental to my well being.



In short ..I came super close to walking away from the all things Veteran related and the VA. The system is a joke. If you wonder what Government medical will be like.. Go to the VA and spend the day. You'll see it's a bloody sickening joke.



Once again I have also sank into a dark depression. It's that time of the year. I am working hard to not let it get me.

In Afghanistan.. 2005.. the summer offensive was heating up by the Taliban and some others.

For any one who was outside the "wire" it was getting ugly.

I was one of those outside the wire for the duration until almost winter.



Before this I have experienced death from a viewer stand point. I have been in the same room as my grandfather passed away in his sleep.I have felt the room get cold when it happened. I have seen several awful car wrecks were people were badly hurt.In a few days I got over it.

Sorry.. Those things don't prepare you for the ugly side of war at all.

All the war movies in the world can not show the true reality of it.Of being in it.Being right there in person not only trying to protect your self but the others that are with you.



I think you get what I a meaning. Innocence is lost for ever into the ether. Either it bothers you and you shrug it off and fake every thing is ok.. or really eats at your soul.

I tried to fake it only to have that soul eater chomping away making it worse.



By Samhain/Halloween I will be lot's better. I look forward to this time of the year. I love it dearly. That helps. I get re energized when I see the leaves turn there colors, when the stars are brighter, when mother Earth changes to the dull beauty of winter.



As the soul eater chomps away, I have something to look forward to. I have my wife and kids, Dogs and Cats, to help me ease the chomper till the fall. Then I will have my season as well.



So I have given you information that I have not talked about. I haven't said this in my "Anger Management" group either. Nope I have nothing to say about any one or anything this time.

It's about ME.



CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP ..And it goes on..

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Isis101
19:20 Jul 25 2014

Don't walk away from the VA - even though they mess up on so many levels, they owe you. And your wife is an angel!

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Myth
20:05 Jul 25 2014

Yes she is.

I think I get tired of fighting about things that I shouldn't have to fight about...

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I have been keeping silent for the last few days,Except for my preholiday post.

I also have been busy.

The 3rd & 4th just SUCKED. And it wasn't because of the fireworks either. Actually I wondered if any one was doing them it was soooo quiet.



Today was on of my better days. I got some things done, and got some good news.



BUT fun time over... Back to work tomorrow.



Next week I have a CT scan to go to in Columbia SC at the crappy VA hospital. Damn that drive...



Yeah I have a touch of worried about what they are looking for.

But right now.. I shall TRY and enjoy the next several hours before I take a nap and go to work at 6 AM...

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Myth
01:22 Jul 06 2014

OK FUNNY.. I DID write on the 4th!! I had forgotten.

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moonkissed
02:38 Jul 06 2014

Yeah you did but you were still quiet.

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Snyder's of Hanover- Honey mustard and onion Pretzel pieces.

Damned addicting. Little pieces of pretzel crack...



Tried mowing the yard a little while ago. Yes I know it's a holiday but that's what I wanted to do for some of my holiday. Made 3 passes, and the lawnmower died.

Fortunately .. it's not mine, yet. I was supposed to be testing it to see if I wanted to buy it.

I'm not getting upset about it. Nope. Letting it ride, At the moment I don't care if my yard looks like crap.



Darn I just ran out of pretzel crack..



Funny I feel a afternoon siesta trying to come on. Yawn*



Avoiding ebay as well. it's a holiday. I was seriously considering putting my Sony PSP (Japanese version)and my games up for sale on there. The PSP was my birthday present to me, But I hardly touch it because I forget I have it.



Starting to have pretzel withdrawal..





So ok

Happy 4th. watch out for that brain eating bacteria in the lakes, and remember..Before you get a big mouthful of Lake water,(if your at a lake),fish aren't the only thing peeing in that lake water.Take a moment and look at all the drunk people around you...

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moonkissed
18:36 Jul 04 2014

hehehe,

I'm sleepy.

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I have a blank entry.Ok so I don't have one.

In the beginning I came home from work. Fine,Fantastic woop de do.



It was a hot miserable 3 1/2 days of heat, humidity and stupidity.

The drive home was even made worse by holiday traffic. The stereo typical assholes and more stupidity from other nameless drivers.

Cell phones glued to ears at 90 mph. Bikers weaving in and out cars.



Fun.



OK so here we are a few days to the 4th.

I plan on being safe at home. Police are already starting their road blocks and check points.Sorry folks I am a non adventurous type on the 4th. I get jumpy at fire works and it's worse when it's not expected.





Besides, I had one of the best fire works displays ever in 2005 and it was by the Special Forces and Infantry guys at a forward observation base,when they blew up several tons of Taliban stuff.

It turned the pitch black night into a bright orange day repeatedly for 30 minutes. Me and many others were damned proud to be Americans at that moment...

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moonkissed
02:25 Jul 03 2014

Steaks on the grill, maybe I will make a coleslaw and we can sit and watch the fireflies wake up over a beer.

We should also remember ice cream.

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