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a while ago... sometime around may 1st 2007 i was in a place.

i do not remember, but somehow this image with these words have become very popular on flickr, linked from outside sources, especially some person's blog.

i'm not sure if it's the words, which aren't great.. just head dumping and quoted lyrics that rebounded through my head, or the image, which also is not great.. but it's become this "thing" that i don't understand.

midnight

sometimes the sadness feels alright

like i don't need to be guilty for feeling down

i don't feel shamed

"Funny how it comes to pass, that all the good slips away"

sitting alone in darkness...

light spills from sliver and condense in little pools around me

blinding me to the memories

that creep unheeded beyond my little barrier

the bitter-sweet melodies from days gone by

settle down and splash in the puddles of silver

sending small shivers into the air that shimmer and fade into the night

melodies from when we were young

when we felt so old

so alone in our company

tears we shed over each other

over others

over ourselves

i'm still that lonely girl

who used to get caught up in her very own video game sound tracts

i still stare out car windows and lose myself in the music

the faces who came and went so long ago now it seems

still come before me and i miss our innocence

although we despised it then

we were finding ourselves behind cameras

in voices

faces

and heartaches

all the concerts where we let ourselves go

nothing i can ever get back

and the woman i was forced to become wouldn't want it

i've retreated into something else

a safe place where i don't have to be anyone but myself

the moments of weakness

i almost welcome them

but something in his eyes stops me from being a fool

and the emptiness he couldn't help but thrust upon me

is a comfort in it's own right

for over a year i knew what it was like

letting go is never hard

and i have never been the kind of person who could

"some people change, others hang on til they can't anymore"

i've felt my fingers slipping...

he couldn't hang on anymore

and his fingers have already slipped from mine

october brings it's release

and i breathe in autumn, desperate for the changes

that feeling of purely alive

despite everything i've abandoned or lost

Autumn comforts me

"i can feel it in the air, feeling right this time of year"

annoyances burst through the solitude

i have built up around me

and make me feel beat down and evil

even though it wasn't me who came to them

why can't things be said outright?

why must we speak in riddles

and then get frustrated when someone doesn't understand

then attitudes peak

and suddenly accusations are made

where is the boy who loved me?

i heard him once and felt him briefly

but he has turned aside on his own path

"i tried but never hard enough. don't you remember, love?"

i accept the punishment i have given myself

no one else deserves it

comfort can be found between the pages of a book

where i was lost in a world of my own creation

i think i want to write again

did i really lose my way?