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I sit in the dark, Afraid of whats around me and what i cant see. I sit in the dark, Confused and hurt, Waiting for someone to show me the light. I wait for someone who can show the way. I wait for some one to protect me from the darkness in my soul that i cant get rid of. I beg for help to banish these thoughts. I beg for help to drop this knife. My screams are unheard in the middle of a crowd. My thoughts race and focus on one thing. This Blade in my hand that i can not seem to drop. This violent shaking all over my body i can not seem to will away. Please some one save me before its to late. Please take this blade from me so i cant end this tonight...

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LadyRain
01:36 Nov 17 2012

well written..

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I have watched you grow up... has it really been five years?.... I love you Like you are my own child... But you aren't, your related to me... You are the among the few who love me, For being part of your family... It tears me apart, being away from you for so long.... I may have not always been the kindest, Or the wisest... But you love me still the same... I am proud you love me, I am proud to be part of this family that has killed its self... But only because of you... For now all I can offer you in the form of gifts and presents.... Is my Unending Love as your oldest brother... I will be there for you when you need me... I will be there for you when others were not there for me... I will treat you better than I was treated... Because you only deserve the best things in this world... And I hope that I live up to my expectations... As your older brother who has nothing to offer you... But his Unending Love....





David Allen Bowen,

Brother of Eric Timothy Utley

Living this life one day at a time... Partying and having fun with my friends... Memories of the past will never fade unless you tell me its over between us... This life I lead I claim to be great and fun... I won't allow anyone else to live like I do... One day at a time... Living like you only have one day to live... Never making plans... Never knowing if you will be able to make it to doctor to get your meds... Laughs and smiles... Tears and hate... I have seen it all for the best and worse reasons... Living one day at a time... It isn't worth almost losing everything you have because of a verbal fight with a friend... Living one day at a time is where I'm at now... Sleeping on someones couch... asking others for smokes and a place to stay... Not the life I want for others... I will make it through in my own way... But I have a feeling others wouldn't last as long as I have... Or how long I will last... 3 years of living one day at a time... Full of happiness and heart ache... In the end I know where I'll end up though... 6 ft under... Dining in hell with satin... Cause well all know no one is perfect... And I not going to claim to be something I'm not... Fuck being perfect... I'm happy with all my flaws... Others need to learn to be happy with them too... Living one day at a time... never knowing if you have a place to stay or something to eat... It's not a life I would wish on my enemy... Cause they would die the first day...

The dull pain behind my eyes fades as my body hits the ground. I watch as my killers eyes follow me to the ground... I think to myself "how did this happen?" The answer coming to me in a wave of memory... I see faces... voices.. I can't hear what they are saying... A blur of motion... I'm on a trail... walking with a young girl... two more people are with us... I don't know who any of them are... I hear another voice... distant but I catch the words " Forever and always" as the rest fades into oblivion... An icy feeling creeps into my limbs... I can't move my arms... I can't breath... I feel nothing... The pain came and went in a split second... The same face as before... But for some reason she is angry... I'm in a car. A young man is driving... She is smoking... I keep looking down at my hands... trying to figure out what to do to calm her down... I sat quite the whole time... Her voice again "I love you" the words hitting me like a bullet... The vision fades... Darkness taking over everything... A different voice this time.. sweeter... happier than the other girls voice... " Bite me " I remember the words, smiling softly.... I can't feel my legs anymore... my skull hits the ground and cracks from the force of the impact... I see two faces before me... my killers and my saviors... My last breath leaves my body as she lowers the gun and walks away... a tear hitting the floor as she confronts what she has just done... A moment of silence as I stare up at the star filled night... Motion next to me... It's her voice again... sweet and soft... She lifts my hand and places her hand to my neck... I try to move... no movement... I try to speak... no words... She looks into my eyes and I feel a tear well up in my eyes... Feeling... It's coming back... I blink... She smiles and sheds a tear... I slowly reach up and place a shaky hand on her cheek... My other hand moves to the bullet hole in my chest... I always said love was suicide... a small amount of time passes and I black out... I awake to bright lights and silence... Slowly I look around... It's her again... my savior... Her voice sweet as she tells me she loves me... We embrace for a moment... My mind slipping away to the last thing I said... To my killer I spoke but one sentence... "Pray your eyes don't betray you... Your voice already has"... a moment of silence and then sharp pain from behind me... My killer was behind me... I turned in time before hitting the ground to see who it was... Should have known... Like I have said before... Love is suicide...