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Me is happy :) My friend Jay on here aka Darkwolfman :) drew me a lovely picture and i just finally got it through the post this morning! it looks so good! im going to write him a lovely letter back hehe! i love getting mail from different countrys its so special tehe!

So yes a great start to the day for a change =D

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DarkWolfman
16:43 Jul 29 2009

Im glad you got it *smiles*

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Freyja
21:12 Jul 29 2009

Jay is awesome

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TLDG
07:35 Jul 30 2009

Oh cool hon Jay is wonderful in what he does :)

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ah dont you love it when you get into a spot of trouble? last few days well they been fun....but now im paying for it i guess :-s not going to tell the story here.....only telling my closest friends what happened =[



Oh and thanks to Harley aka Deathsembrace for having a chat to me and helping me get my head straight i appreciate it hun :)

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placidchaos
22:01 Jul 28 2009

I hope it'll be ok for you.

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Well last night i did myself a tarot reading....for people who dont know there fortune telling cards but im sure you all know that lol! But yea anyay i did a basic 3 card spread for past, present and future.....here is what i got with the meanings of the cards to.



Past - Reversed four of swords - Meaning illness, exile or confinement. Gloomy thoughts and depressive attitudes. Nervous exhaustion enforcing rest.



Present - Reversed knight of cups - An idle swindler, a false lover who is a heat-breaker. Possibly this card shows a lover going away.



Future - The lovers - A decisive point has been reached. An important choice must be made with reference to true desires rather than duty. A dramatic change will lead to happy times. Love, reconciliation, and physical pleasures. A happy relaionship in personal life or business.



So there are the cards i got, i personally strongly believe in tarot.....and especially the present card that shows exactly what has happened....with my ex dumping me, he was a heart breaker....and he was a false lover because hes a complete lying bastard! But yes he has gone away now...well i hope! lol!

But yes even the other cards, well i cannot really say about the future one but it looks good, but the past i did use to gave a lot of gloomy thought and a very negative attitude to life etc.....

Hmm....just thought it was pretty interesting is all so i thought i would write a journal entry about it :)

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ladySnowStrixx
13:09 Jul 24 2009

Well if you think about it some of the future has happened too,reconciliation ,A happy relationship in personal life ,did you not say that a old friend came back into your life and that you had been having fun with him,that could be part of it , so good luck hon, just remember great husbands start out as best friends.

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MorbidAngels15
14:31 Jul 24 2009

Thats is pretty true hun...someone has come back into my life recently a old friend, and well were getting on so well ^_^ we shall see what happens i guess :)

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placidchaos
18:12 Jul 24 2009

Don't forget that you shouldn't just take those cards at face value, look for the deeper meanings in them. A card's meaning can be subtly altered by the card next to it.

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Well wow another great day and night yesterday met up with Rob again ^_^ chilled had a spliff went flyering for this thing on saturday im going to and then we chilled in botanical gardens smoked another joint then went back to Robs :-) Its was kick ass...chilling with Rob has really calmed me down....because yes i wanted to go get a baseball bat and get my ass up to kiveton park xD Thats where my ex lives....only a bus ride away....haha!

You make think im evil for wanting to go kick the shit out of him but damn hes the worse guy i have ever been out with O_o i never said i would hate him but damn i take that back! Ive never hated someone so much! threatening to get the police on me and stuff! well bring them see if i care.....

Maybe if i did come visit you....you would actually have a reason to call the police :-) but it would be worth it, think id do it over and over again. Im not normally this im a very quiet and shy person.....but this little fucker as really touched a nerve i hate him with a passion...if i ever see him let there be fireworks xD the bad kind lol!

Anyway enough about the twatface! haha!

Yes so this morning i woke up and my neck bloody hurts so much ^_^ lots of biting....you ought to see the marks....yummy =D

Yesterday was fucking ace :-) i really enjoyed myself chilling out! There were no putting on a brave face and false smiles....they were actually real smiles :-) Something i havent done for the past week....just chilling out with Rob and smoking some bud just made things so fucking nice! Didnt want it to end ^_^ wow that sounds silly! Plus the weather was really nice tooo....Rob wanted use to go in his hot tub but me dont have a bikina that fits me anymore lol! but im defo going to buy a new one for the next time i go up and the weathers nice :-)

But yes overall smiley smiley happy :-) for now anyway....but im guna make damn sure i stay that way! It was all down to having the realisation about a few things on sunday night....saw a few people in a different light....kinda realised who they really were and what they were all about. Yes one was a shocker indeed but im not going to mention names.....but its actually really helping me right now!

So why should i stay all down and depressed its not really worth it is it? ive had my down time i carnt change it and well to be honest right now after sunday i really dont want to anymore!

On a lighter note carnt wait to go chill with Rob again xD ooo and im listening to disturbed right now tehe!



LOVE AND LIGHT PEOPLES :-) XXX

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xAXEWOMANx
14:54 Jul 21 2009

Yay she smiling again :)

love ya ;)

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MorbidAngels15
15:46 Jul 21 2009

Thanks hun :) love ya tooo ^_^ x

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ladySnowStrixx
21:04 Jul 21 2009

I,m glad your starting to feel better sweetie, like they always say bigger and better fish in the sea.( so Go swimming girlfriend)

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Just weighed myself....and ive lost alot of weight :-s i wouldnt have if my mum didnt say that im looking ill and skinnier =[ Im guna book a appointment at doctors because i carnt deny that im getting skinnier the weighing scales dont lie =[ and for my height im severely under weight i should weigh 9 stone....but im now im a few pounds under 8 stone =[ i use to be 8 and a half stone.....:-s

its weird Rob noticed on friday that i was looking very skinney =[

meh....i have been feeling ill thought recently just thought it was this cold getting me down =[

He certainly is started to move on quick....we havent even been broke up a week and hes already flirting with this no good slut from ireland! But bearing in mind this girl told him to bugger off when he asked her out before me and George started dating....she was proper nasty to him! and now hes gone crawling back to her! yes hes doing this all on purpose to spite me....flirting with everygirl on vampirefreaks, facebook and god knows where else! How can he be like that? after everything what happened! meh still loves me does he? i say thats aload of bloody bollox! To be honest im actually starting to realise how much of a god damn moron he is!!!! after what i read...what he had been saying to her! meh....yes it does make me feel like shit but you know what its helping like i said before im starting to realise i can do way better than him! and its totally him fucking loss! I really do apologise for the swearing to whoever is reading this =[ I could write a hell of alot more....but i need to calm down a little.

Had such a good night yesterday was amazing!!! met up with a old friend of mine Rob not seen him for about a year we use to be stoner buddies lol! So yea we wondered around caught up on old times picked up some bud and chilled at his was pretty good....i was very stoned O_o lol!

I definatly needed it though....after everything that happened with me breaking up with my boyfriend and my parents arguing. But on a lighter note my parents are no talking agian :) for now.....they have gone to cinema with my little sister and my older sister. So yes im all home alone :-s

Someone save me please....i can not handle any of this any more! its just not the break with george! its now my parents i think there going to split after 24 years of marriage! they keep argueing constantly....well its mainly my mum she had such a go at him today my dad actually cried.....thats the only 2nd time i have seen him cry, it upset me so much :( My dad is having thoughts on suicide and everything he says he can not take any of this anymore.....i dont know what to do :( i have tried talking to my mum saying do you know how bad your making all this but she wont listen....she doesnt fucking even care what i have to say! All this is to much to handle.....im not a quitter normally but meh you know what im thinking about it, i know where my dad is coming from im sick of my home life, im sick of everything! i know families have problems but not like this.....this is every week! sometimes everyday! There current arguement has been going on for about a week nearly.....its a terrible atmosphere to be in :( its horrible been in the house all day with that negative atmosphere it makes your head want to explode its that bad =[

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Sinora
10:30 Jul 17 2009

*Hugs*

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vampchica4
01:54 Jul 18 2009

Just know that you will always have us.

We care about you- through it all

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Is fed up of everything and feels like giving up......=[

Cried myself to sleep last night.....meh i feel like rubbish i really do. But yes i know after a break up its understandable i just wish there was more i could do. Im going to meet him on friday if he sticks to his word, were going to talk about stuff.....were not getting back together thats been made clear already. Its just to help me accept what as happened and hopefully make it easier on me. Because right now it aint getting better i feel worse......

He phoned me again last night we talked and then he said i was trying to guilt trip him =[ i really wasnt.....

Hes still all one sided, he has to realise im hurting as much as him *cries*

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newlyawaken
12:00 Jul 15 2009

I have been through a lot of shitty relationships my dear and one thing i have learned is that men are always one sided and always worry about themselves first so I have learned to be the same way ~ hugs~ i would knock him out if i could honey

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MorbidAngels15
12:45 Jul 15 2009

he is being really one sided hun.....its really harsh and its making me worse....i dont have the heart to do it back :(

and thanks cassie.....i know you would if you could *hugs*

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littleimp
14:36 Jul 15 2009

he sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do and is not in the right state of mind

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RazaelRiezen
14:37 Jul 15 2009

look at it this way hun he is an ex for a specific reason does he really deserve your tears or heart ache is he worth the hurt your feeling? if not then dont give him that satisfaction

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MorbidAngels15
15:06 Jul 15 2009

yes he does need to grow up :( hes been so silly about well everything....i know i should cry hun but meh....i cannot help it =[

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vampchica4
17:26 Jul 15 2009

You prolly know what im going to say, but here it is- just hang in there, hun. For every girl with a broken heart, there's a guy with a glue gun.

Its perfectly alright to cry and let it out. Really, it makes you stronger in the end- and you are already stronger than most people I know- Women, and men...

Meet him, and talk about it. So you are not getting back together.

I have been there, too, and I know that it probably feels like the end of the world. But truth is, he is only one, self- conceided guy. You cared about him, and still do. That is NOT a crime.

After the meeting, just give focus on other things.

Amd you know that I will listen any time you need to rant, cry, or if you just need to talk

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Well its finally over and i really cannot believe it....today i broke up with the guy i thought i would be with forever *cries* =[ yes im sad right? but i felt so strong for him, never felt like that with well anyone. Wish i was still with him but nothing i do can change that =[ yes we had our problems....i thought he was going to change his ways when i said how i was feeling....but he rang me up crying his eyes out saying we should end it =[ i didnt want this.....i thought he would change for me!

Damn i havent cried this much in so long....its like a piece of my heart has been ripped out....meh i shouldnt feel so bad right he blamed it all on himself said he didnt want to hurt me anymore....well he didnt i still love him and i dont know how im going to get over it =[

I want him back already and its only been a few hours....i didnt think it would effect me like this.....soon my hurt feelings will turn into anger but i dont want to end up hurting myself....=[ ugh...my head hurts so much right now....i want my George back *cries*

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Mobius
18:52 Jul 14 2009

Forever is infinite.



Nothing we know of is infinite.



Enjoy what you had and will have, but don't expect anything to be forever.

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Idiosyncrasy
19:14 Jul 14 2009

Time may change things. You may even end up working things out. i have learned in my years, to never get too upset right away. This may be the kick in the ass he needs, to see what life would be like without you.

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MorbidAngels15
19:47 Jul 14 2009

I really hope so.....i didnt want to break up at all =[

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I just broke up with my boyfriend.....*cries* i thought we could work it out i guess not.....im so upset about it all.....he was telling me he still loved me but he was like its just not going to work because he keeps hurting me....what am i going to do now =[

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Drago1973
13:31 Jul 15 2009

not to get to into it but if he's bringing you down than yes you do need to find someone who loves you for you nothing else hard to find now adays though. sorry if im being to nosey.

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Right im fed up now......ive had enough of this rubbish with my boyfriend =[ maybe it is time to end it! hes always on at me saying hes fucking depressed and all that other bloody bollox! when you know what hes making me depressed with the way he treats me!! but hey he doesnt see that hes all for himself!!!!!!! im sick of it i really am!

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xAXEWOMANx
14:12 Jul 14 2009

Let him get on with it girl

told you before

you are worth more than this

yes sounds like maybe the time has

come to set yourself free

do not let him drag you down

*hugs*

your friend always...



JO

xXx

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Ok i have a slight issue in my life right now, it be nice if people could tell me what they think about what im about to write.

Ok so here goes......



I have been seeing my boyfriend George now for over 2 months now, i know its a new relationship and all and there is bound to be problems but i have started to cry thinking about certain things and that isnt good =[

My boyfriend is a skateboarder yes he likes to do it alot, i let him do it i dont mind im not going to stop someone from doing there passion. But for example i went home last saturday and i didnt come back till wednesday he had 5 days to go skating with him friends because i wasnt around. now the thing bugging me right now is that everytime i come stop at his place....its always 'lets go to the skatepark, or all my friends are coming round in abit you dont mind do you?'

at first i didnt mind it was ok....but now its everys single fucking day im here and to be honest im sick of it!

I want some quality time with my boyfriend alone! but all he seems to be bothered about is going to skatepark with all his friends or there coming round to his all the time! I just feel like his friends are now more important them me and i feel like a spare part =[

Like yesterday we went to the skatepark and i was sat there for nearly 4 hours! and he only came over once to talk to me! i mean yes i know some of his friends but i dont know them very well and they have all there little friendship groups there hard to break into. I just felt so lost and upset and i cried about it when we got back to his place. He asked me what was wrong but i said i just wasnt feeling very well, thats another problem =[

Im to god damn scared to bring issues up with him....i have tried before and he makes out that i do the same back to him which i dont!

Like a few weeks ago i wanted to go out drinking with a few friends and he got right paranoid about it thinking i was going to go off with some other guy. So in the end up i didnt go out to sasitfy his paranoia! He can be so controlling sometimes.....i really dont know what to do. I just wish he would for once instead of going to the skatepark everytime im here, that he would say 'why dont we go see a movie? or just stay in and relax' nothing wrong with a night in right?

I keep thinking this is all wrong and i want out but i dont want to be alone again.....because yes my boyfriend does make me feel special but recently its been getting worse and i feel like he doesnt give a damn anymore hes all for his friends =[

Does anyone have any advice at all?

Sorry the major rant.....i just needed to get it all out =[

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xAXEWOMANx
17:05 Jul 10 2009

Oh dear hun

sounds like he dosent really want a relationship

or maybe dosent understand how they should work

but it is not your fault so do not ever blame yourself for what is happening ok



my opinion is that before you get even more attached to george you should maybe seriously

think about splitting with him



not doing you much good crying so early on in the relationship not a good sign of things to come...



maybe just try to be friends?



i really do not think you will be short of future offers

in the dating game ;)



hate to think of you crying :(



and you deserve better hun



let me know what you decide to do...



hugs



from your friend



Jo

xXx

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Darkinfatuation428
17:13 Jul 10 2009

just my opinion...not in any particular order ^_^



don't go to the skate park if you don't want to especially if he doesnt pay much attention to you. why go if you are just going to sit there and be upset. and if he wants to be paranoid, let him. but being paranoid shows lack of trust and confidence...in you and himself. You need to get over being afraid to talk to him, i am the same way. he needs to know what you think. if you dont say anything the problem won't get fixed and you'll be in the same situation all the time....i could say more but i want you to have options ^_^



LOVE YOU!

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Maell
17:40 Jul 10 2009

You need to talk to him. Bring it up, but do it in a way that doesn't start a fight. Tell him how you feel. Say, "George, this is how I feel" and explain yourself to him without attacking him. Just tell him how you feel. Then cap it off by saying "If I'm off base, can you explain it to me?"



Put the ball in his court. And if he gets mad, remain calm and point out you are staying calm and you just want to talk, not argue. Put the ball in his court again.



Hope this helps.

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vampchica4
17:55 Jul 10 2009

Well, from the look of these comments, you DEFINITELY have people that care about you!Including me. You dont need this stress, but you do need to talk to him. He should understand if he has felt the same before, like you said. Even if his feelings were unnecessary...He needs a wake- up call.Or, try bringing one or two of your friends along to the skatepark. This way, you wont be totally bored. But that is a last resort.You are a strong person, and you can definitely handle this. Never forget that.Sit him down when no one else is around and just explain that you dont want to start a fight, but you just need to let some things out.If he cares about you, then he will prolly listen.Good luck, sweetie. And I am always around if you need help with future rants :)

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MorbidAngels15
18:16 Jul 10 2009

Thankyou for all taking your time to look.....you have given me alot of options to think about i thank you!



i love all you guys *hugs*

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trepidation
19:02 Jul 10 2009

Tell him hun, it was the same with me and kerry, just say to him that you want to spend some time without going to the skatepark, Lay down the law a bit your a woman! lol

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GrieviousDemon
19:41 Jul 10 2009

Well dear in the end you have to make the decision of whats right for you. Have you spoken to him about wanting to spend alone time and not always hanging with friends. maybe making a time for only you both. If your crying already this early on thats not a good thing for anyone. Theres a bit more to this as is. If he is already thinking your gonna Hook- Up with another and your true intentions are in fact not to do anything of the sorts then he has trust issues and really it wont work in the end as is. If he says your doing the same at least hear him out . you may not realize or even notice as he does just as he doesnt or wouldnt notice things that upset you. Really what it boils down to is communication. No need to have a heated argument at all. Just sit back calmly and state what you see and let him as well voice what he sees and if you both still want to work on things discuss ways to work on it. One thing in life or relationships that will never change is that both parties need to be open to communication and remember it will always be a work in progress

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DemetriSilverfang
21:22 Jul 11 2009

i was gonna give you some advice, but it seems as though you've gotten the exact advice i was going to give at least 5 times over now. i just hope for the best for you, i know how you feel. but you're obvious friends her care about you. do as they say, try to talk to him (you have the courage to do so, even if you think you dont) and if that dont work, try bringing some friends along to the skate park. and in the end if nothing else works, you may have to go ahead and end it. i know it hurts to hear. but if nothing works then nothing will.

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Milambra
21:23 Jul 11 2009

I agree really, the best thing you can do is bite the bullet and confront him about it, it can only really go two ways and if it does go pear shaped then you know where you stand

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wolfblade
21:29 Jul 11 2009

bein alone sucks but sometimes bein alone is good

next time he asks if ur ok try talkin to tell him ur feelins ..... us guys can be assess sometimes but most of us try to understand females point of veiw.

hopefully ur bf would understand ur feelins but if he doesnt truely understand how ur feelin he may not ever understand.

hugs :) hope things get better for u

caz ur a sweet person -n- im always here for u

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placidchaos
07:04 Jul 12 2009

It comes across to me as a difference in your preferred lifestyles creating a difference in the type of relationship you both want. If that's the case the options are for both of you to work around it or to move on, neither option is really all that great. As for his paranoia, at the very least you shouldn't let it get in the way of you goin' out with your friends but I have to agree with that it's a sign that he has trust issues and that's a bad thing. You do what's right for you, but don't let yourself be unhappy because of somebody else.

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Just got back from the dentist....the buggers kept me waiting 45 minutes O_o i was about to throw a fit i swear i can be a very impatient person sometimes, but god damn thats just stupid.....i was about to go ask how much longer would they be and they called me in i was like thank bloody god for that.......

But anyway dentists make me uneasy anyway so waiting that long makes it worse :-s

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xAXEWOMANx
13:31 Jul 08 2009

Hope all went well?

*hugs*

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MorbidAngels15
13:35 Jul 08 2009

it was just to discuss what treatment i was having, i go to a dental hospital not a normal dentist...yes im special lol! xD

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Again had a really good night, went out drinking with my best friend yes i was really drunk hehe! and hell i have such a hangover this morning xD

But i enjoyed myself that was the main thing, but there was one scary part of the night lol!

This random drunk man came over to me and tried chatting me up O_o

He was like wow you have such pretty eyes.....can i have your number etc....i was like oh dear.....

So me and my bestfriend just pegged it to get away from him and his friends lol! =]

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xAXEWOMANx
15:41 Jul 05 2009

Lol you loved it!

Poor guy bet he was gutted

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MorbidAngels15
15:50 Jul 05 2009

yes i think he was haha! xD

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Come take a look at these pictures please, my boyfriend took them yesterday there of me :) We went to the a few graveyards there are alot more pictures but didnt want to put all of them here though, these are the ones i liked. Im kinda practicing to be a model so i thought doing a dummy photoshoot thing so it would help me with my confidence.

Please let me know what you think......all comments are welcome :)

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xAXEWOMANx
12:58 Jul 03 2009

Aww you are too cute hun

great pics...

your hair looks fantastic

so jealous lol

1,5,6,7 and 9 are my favourites!

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MorbidAngels15
13:05 Jul 03 2009

Thankyou darling for taking the time to look hehe! :) i appreciate your compliments ^_^

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trepidation
14:52 Jul 03 2009

Not bad hun, with the one on the cript you should lay on it with your arms crossed across your chest or something like that, may look good. cool cool!

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vampchica4
05:11 Jul 04 2009

I like them, too!!

you know, you really are Very photogenic.

I think you'd make an excellent model

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placidchaos
11:18 Jul 04 2009

*stares uncontrollably for a moment* Ehem. Jk



I really like the one from above with you laying on the slab, I don't know how to describe what it conveys to me but I can tell you it's along the lines of something I'd be willing to hang on my walls. I'm in to the morbidly artistic styles like that though.



The rest are great as well, especially the one with teh tree and that last one. It looks like you're really having fun in that last one.

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MorbidAngels15
13:56 Jul 04 2009

Thanks for the comments guys i really appreciate it hehe! :) alot of people say i am photogenic ^_^

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GRUNT
14:29 Jul 04 2009

very nice... i think you will do well you just keep doing these little pics like this and when you are ready you will know it....hot as always :)

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Dybbuk
16:34 Jul 04 2009

I like these, there is something erotic about cematary pictures- I dont know why- is the breaking of a taboo? no idea, but I like them just the same :)

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xDragonflyJenx
18:11 Jul 04 2009

I love it=]

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DeathsEmbrace
20:33 Jul 04 2009

thats some damn good photography!

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MorbidAngels15
13:53 Jul 05 2009

hehe! me too i love the cemetry :) thanks for looking everyone ^_^ and leaving such wonderful comments hehe!

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erin88
15:28 Jul 05 2009

My my my, you little fox, you! =P

Very nice, Kirsty :) I think you'd do really well at modeling.

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Sat watching my boyfriend jamming on his guitar :) but god damn its so hot again today O_o Im really sick of this hot weather now, yes us brits cant handle the heat, i feel like im melting haha! For example last night me and my boyfriend sat on his back garden at about 11ish last night before we went to bed to cool down. And oh wow it was bloody boiling! So much for it cooling down at night =[

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xAXEWOMANx
12:22 Jul 02 2009

Dont you be over heating now hun

but oh yes what a week of hotness!

meant to cool down end of the week?

i didnt get much sleep last night

way too hot



feel for my little cat`s

i keep putting an ice cube in there water

to keep it cool lol



*hugs*

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deringerdan
14:10 Jul 05 2009

Nice entry, enjoyed my visit. :)

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erin88
15:29 Jul 05 2009

Want to swap? It's Winter here. lol

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