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I watched the bridge burn.

The path between us severed.

I cried. You smiled. It is done.

I made a mistake. A huge mistake. I betrayed the trust of someone I care about deeply. I could not keep the pretense up of being what I was not. My feelings will never change. I still love him. I still desire him above any other. But I did this to him. I'm sorry is not strong enough to convey what I feel.

I am now banging my head on my desk.

In frustration. In despair.

Heart broken.

Depressed.

Angry at myself.

He came as a friend. He helped when help was needed. He snuck in behind defenses well guarded and made a home within my shattered heart. He picked up pieces and mended broken parts. He never demanded anything in return. He spoke honestly and with respect.

In return, I freely give to him everything I have to offer. I wear his collar, with Honor and Pride. I have traded fear for security, loneliness for companionship, respect and love. My only worry is that I have not enough to give in return for the gifts He has given unto me.

Friends are coming from out of town this weekend. The house will be crazy. We are having a costume birthday party for one of the girls... think I'll go as a goth school girl...

The beginning of the work week can be hectic if you let it. People are not ready for the bliss of the weekend to end. But to truly enjoy the weekend one must have something to compare it to. Take the small breaks throughout the day to release the negativity that can surround and build up. Relax your muscles and let your mind wander free...perhaps it shall meet mine somewhere in the great someplace else.

I fear you. I fear my reaction to you. You have no name nor face. You are the one who will take control of me; mind, body and what is left of my soul. I want you to enter my life so bad that I tremble at the thought of you. The feel of your breath on my bare flesh... the graze of your hands as they control my body...the pain as your hands punish and dominate...you drive me to the brink of insanity and threaten to push me over. When you come, I will reject you out of fear. You will see past that and force me to let you in...in to my most secret and treasure place. The place that houses my fear...you will remove the fear and replace it with you... there will be little of me left... only what you allow... come...please.