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A few years ago it began
Imagine if you have different work colleagues over the years and you meet women there. Stuck in a triangle of horror, you realize it too late. Two that don't stick with you, because of another woman who is repulsive for you. Never got to choose whether I fell in love with someone, it just happens that way. The first of the two, just drama before things could even get serious between us. Was the whole thing just a show and pure intention to steer me in a different direction? And who was really to blame? At some point I got over it. And I found out who had interfered. You should never play with your cards face down and always keep in mind that if someone has never been even remotely interested in you in their life and has never expressed otherwise, you don't interfere in their love life and lay clames on him. At least I made it very clear to her after the first one. She (supposedly) had a boyfriend again, I wasn't worried anymore.  Then many months later the second one, the other that I have always found attractive. A very pale one, but very pretty, somehow different, with an amazing charisma. At some point it happened to me.  She also played a part in making me fall in love with her. We got to know each other deeper, but in the end she chose another guy. Luckily, that was at the time after she quit. I can't blame her, it's up to everyone to decide who they want to be with. When she has two, if she likes one better than the other, with the second one you can be friends, so you have both. I can't blame her for this thought either, there's nothing wrong with it. But I also have a free will. Everything is completely legitimate. I can only reject this friendship. Not because she isn't worth it, but because of her smell.  because of this attraction to me. Because even if I'm over her, if I meet her again I'll fall in love again (already happened). Someone who has such an effect on me and makes my hormones go crazy, I can never be friends with someone like that in my life. Just the thought of it makes me fall into depression.  That's ok if she's in a happy relationship and I'm happy if she's doing well - I can live with that as long as she disappears from my life. As long as she at least lets me go. But what's worse to digest than being dumped for another guy?  In truth, I hardly had a chance with her at all because of another woman!  and there it was again, my problem that stuck to my shoe like chewing gum. Suddenly I woke up and knew who had ruined my love life - for the second time! What do some people not understand when you tell them you're not my type?? 🤬 This is the third one, the unwanted one, the black sheep, a scheming parasite. If I have any thoughts of revenge, it's about her! But I never did that, simply because she's not worth the effort of even lifting a finger for it! I think karma has already taken care of it, I won't go into details. 
Nothing breaks me so easily, I'm very strong, I've been through a lot of bad things in my life. But women, they really piss me off.

In life, many people strive to start a family, have children, and build a house. Well, not me. My small apartment is enough for me, I'm happy to have a roof over my head, a secure job and a reliable car that gets me from A to B. I have other goals in life because the meaning of life is a variable thing. Why reproduce when the earth is already overrun with people? No, not everyone has to. After you die, some people still remember you, they also die and no one knows who you were anymore.
No, my goals in life are to experience life. I'm a really good swimmer, even if I'm not that athletic otherwise. So one of my life goals is to swim through the Strait of Gibraltar. This is the shortest point between Europe and Africa, it's located on the southern tip of Spain, which is very close to Morocco. At the shortest point it would only be 14 kilometers to swim. I can do that as an endurance swimmer, both there and back.
I'll also bungee jump at some point, as long as I have someone to push me off. I don't have the courage to jump myself into the depth, even if I'm not afraid of heights. I have often stood directly on a cliff with one foot on the edge and looked vertically into the depths. That's the same thing like with roller coasters, one that unsettles me has yet to be built. At some point, when the money and time are right, I'll make the small pilot's license, just for paragliding. Also one of my dreams that I will realize, closely followed by getting a diving license.
And my wanderlust to see more of the world, travel, cities, countries, other continents. That's my most important of all. Definitely go to South America, more precisely to the Amazon in Peru, and take part in this ajahuasca ritual from of these shamans. There is even an ajahuasca reserve there, where you can book specifically for this experience as a complete program. But I'm really not one of those hotel with pool all inclusive holiday people, the accommodation is just my place to sleep and for breakfast. I want to see and experience things, not be the first to occupy the deck chair for a lot of money like the typical Alman. I don't really have much in common with these people. I've only been to the USA once, that was last year. I've never really been to Asia and only partially to Africa. The Serengeti is also on my list.
It's never too late to expand your horizons and enjoy life, because you have to make it as worth living as possible until death releases you from it. Mortality is something I don't want to miss, getting that old is not my goal, with dementia in a retirement home with a rollator, it won't get that far.
The ultimate goal of life is death.

All I need sometimes is time for being alone myself. Almost all days the week I'm on work. I often have difficult people around me, not alone some of the colleges where is always at least one who gets on your nerves (who doesn't know that), I work in retail with customers, there are mostly nice ones but sometimes toxic people with their noses at the top. All this annoying ones, also in my private environment, it gets on my nerves and often robs me of energy. During my free time I'm mostly very tired and time just rushes past me. Sometimes I practice my own kind of - I call it "meditation" - at free days when I'm for me alone and have nowhere else to drive. So I have my very own way of meditation: I live in a forest environment So I go out and take something special with me. As soon as I've arrived my favourite place, a cuite place in the middle of the forest where there is a bench - I get that special thing out and light it, the green which I rarely consume. After this ritual, I walk deeper and deeper through the forest, for hours. I walk and walk and get lost into the nature. The streams of thought fueled by the holy herb, that's how I think about a lot of things. New perspectives are constantly unfolding in my mind to solve problems in my life that I wouldn't otherwise be able to understand, thanks to the expanded mind and the peace of the forest. Maybe my mind processes in this state are often quite confused, but it helps me. After my meditation sessions, sometimes I see some things in a completely different light. That's how it works. Two to three hours later, when the effect wears off, then I turn around on the way back.
Three times in the last two years, I underwent a short meditation vacation for self-therapy. What means, twice I was at the north sea, but the southern north sea, this one country in europe where there are these special coffeshops. And once, last year, I was in New York for 9 days. That was my greatest experience of a partial meditation-accompanied journey so far. And there, it was the best stuff for my psyche that I was ever allowed to try - I met a not too strong pure sativa M'Jane, made perfect for me - her beautiful name was Durban Poison.
☆Thank you for letting me get to know you for once, and I hope I see you again sometime, oh my sweet soothing Durban Poison...

COMMENTS

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NikkiAidyn
04:34 Jan 21 2024

Sounds amazing... Nature definitely has the power to take all of our stresses away. The plant helps too

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MisterSacrifice
05:19 Jan 21 2024

Thanks :) Yes, sometimes I need a bit of expanding consciousness and long walks to improve myself. For me it helps a lot

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