The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Its the weekend...
04:24 Apr 29 2007
Times Read: 696


woohooo it's Saturday! Party Party Party!





pffffft yeah freaking right. lol



I'm sitting at home, BS'n around on this computer for abit longer...then it will be right back to my "mortal kombat armageddon" PS2 game,(which I jacked from Loki and he's aggrivated that I'm playing it and he's not..MUAHAHAHAHA) then maybe put up the clean clothes, then the dishes in the sink might get done...then proberbly off to bed.



Yay me! I have the most enjoyable life ever!!!!



*rolls eyes*





I would kill to have a drink...maybe a nice ...Long Island Iced Tea, or a yummy frozen margarita, or a kamakazi on the rocks, or a few shots of chilled tequilla along with some cold ass bottles of Bud or bud light (im not picky) fuck..maybe a mix of all of those, one right after the other, after the other. *drools*



Daaaamn it sucks to be pregnant!

"""Im gonna cryyyyyyy"""..... i want a drink soo bad!!!! And the sad part is that I want it just because I can't have it..knowing damn good and well, that If I werent prego, and could drink anytime i wanted to...I wouldnt hardly touch a drink! *smacks head into desk*



(Just till July wolv, just till july!) once this baby is here...its on... I'm having me a drink!

Memory Lane
05:47 Apr 27 2007
Times Read: 708












This is my dog, Rebel.

My companion, my best friend. I cared more about this dog than I cared for any human.



I was there with his mother before he was born. He was a Christmas pup. From the day he was born he was mine. I've raised him all his life.

Had him for soo many years.



Then, May 12th, 2006, I said goodbye to him and promised I'd be back soon. I got on a plane to California to go meet up with Loki.

Nearly 2 weeks after I arrived in California, my parents called and gave me the news.



They took him to the vet, and he was put to sleep.



This tore me apart. I didnt get to keep my promise that I would be back soon. And even worse, I didn't get to be there, and hold on to him and say goodbye while he left.



If there was anything I could turn back time for, it would be this. I would have been there.



This is my reason for crying so hard, soo many nights. I miss him soo much I can't stand it.



He is gone, but the memory of him is very much alive and with me every day.



Rest In Peace REBEL.

---

This is ABBY. My appaloosa horse. We have quite the history.

I was 14 and she was my 8th grade graduation present from my parents.



We bought her with hardly any training.

I spent so long training her, and after many trials and errors, and her testing me, and me getting thrown, after awhile, we clicked.





This was my life. I dissappeared into my own world with her for years and years of my life.

The rest of the world most certainly did NOT exist to me, when I would spend my time with this animal.



I can hardly find the words to describe this part of my life. The closest I can come is that this was my own personal "euphoria" nothing else mattered.



Abby and I had a very unusual bond..much stronger than the normal human/horse bond.



She would lay down in her stall at night, and I would crawl in there, and lay down next to her, with her belly as my pillow. We would lay there for quite awhile, resting. Abby would be very cautious as to not do anything that could possibly hurt me. She did tricks for me, and we'd do damn near everything together.



I'd hold better conversations with this animal than I would with any other human. And we always knew just how each other was feeling, it seems odd, but there was definately something much more to this animal than the usual.



Any of my guy friends that got on her would get thrown off immediately after.

But yet, we could set a small child on her back with no saddle, or bridle, or halter, no nothing....put them in an open field and let her go freely. She would be soo gentle and careful, and when the child would start to fall, she would stop and literally shift her weight to give the child better balance. To see and witness this type of large powerful animal doing something like that, I know there was something more to her.



So, I got pregnant with my first child, and knew that I wouldnt be able to take care of her, and do all the chores needed while I was pregnant and for a time afterwards, my parents and I decided to send her with a friend of our familys. This man offered to take her for us and keep her on his very large ranch in Alabama, and let her run free with a ton of other horses.



Due to financial reasons, I have not been able to bring her back to me.



It has now been a little over 5 years. And I have this gut instinct that I will never get her back. It's been too long, and too much time of her running wild. And time has passed and she has aged.

I dont even know if she is still alive or not.



This is my memory of a large part of my life that has passed, and something that I am certain I will NEVER have again.



It was a most amazing life experience for me.



And it kills me inside that I will never have this part of my life back.

interresting
04:44 Apr 27 2007
Times Read: 710

wow, I'm in the middle of watching a really interresting show on tv right now... like a deeper look into the lives of bi-curious women.



Caught my attention so i figured I'd check it out.



They have some sort of vacation thing for bi curious women.



The women and/or their husbands/sig. others, take a trip to this island, and they slowly and "informatively" get introduced into sex with other women.





hmmm, maybe i need a vacation. heheh

Jumbled
08:38 Apr 26 2007
Times Read: 726


*Rant On*





Im sooooooooo messed up....this is rediculous.



Loki works all night. 7 nights a week. 12 hours a night. Plus he leaves for work 2 hours early to get through fucking traffic..which is shit.



Before he went on nights, we were in bed by 10pm and up at 5am. and everything was fine and on some kind of "track".



Now everything is jumbled.



I tried to continue going to bed at 10pm...but I cant sleep now (so Im up most of the night)

I guess because he's not here, I dunno. But this lack of sleep is driving me insane.



anyhoo... so now Im cooking his breakfast at like 2pm in the middle of the day, then automatically make him lunch to take to work.

Sleep somewhere between there, then I have to be up at 6 am to cook him dinner. In which I am absolutely in NO mood to be anywhere near the kitchen at 6:00 in the godforsaken morning..after maybe 3 hours of sleep if Im lucky... But he works his ass off so he deserves it...and i need to play my part in this..but its still fucked up!!!!



then after he eats dinner at 7 am....he goes right to bed tired as all hell. (ok..understandable after 12 hr nights)

and I'm left up, awake, tired as all fuck..cant go back to sleep, and bored off my ass for the entire day.



and this night shift of his can last anywhere between 1 week and 10 weeks. I can handle 1 or even 2 weeks of this shit..but 10 weeks like this would be entirely fucked up. I HATE jobs!!!



I'm glad he LOVES this job, plus its damn good overtime and one hell of a pay...but fuck..I hate it.



Right before we moved here, I had slacked down on smoking I was at 5-6 ciggs a day...a carton would last well over a week for me. Not to shabby. Now that we're here.... a carton hasnt lasted even a week for me...Im smoking like a chimney and I know I shouldn't. I just can't help it. This poor baby is gonna hate me!



gaaaaaah *Rant Off*







I hate these damn turn-arounds, but the paychecks are WOW. so I guess I can't complain too much.

New Home
08:24 Apr 25 2007
Times Read: 732




Well, Loki and I just finished moving into our new place. 2 bedroom 1 bath...its roomy and cozy. Kinda cute I guess. Spacious enough for both of us.



We're about 5 minutes away from my parents house..which isnt bad at all...I can go over there and do laundry when i need to and visit my son. Its like killing 2 birds with 1 stone. I guess I cant complain.





We just got cable tv and internet hooked up today..Im happy.



I've spent the last week staring at the walls and talking to myself, and other not-so-there people across the room from me. So at least now I can talk to actual people online again..and keep myself entertained with tv. Stuff to do other than purposely make a mess so I can clean something, just to keep busy. heh Needless to say this place is pretty much spotless.











Yay I get to play suzie fucking homemaker.





Anyhoo, I guess my bi-polar is flairing up again..because depression has hit yet again.

Its a never ending war.

I win most battles, and lost a few...it comes and goes sporatically.

But for some reason...Its come again. Because of this place.



I mean I love our new place...I have absolutely NO reason to hate it or be depressed. Im getting what I wanted...a home, a damn good man, everything that comes along with the suzie fucking homemaker role..... but yet...theres just something...some reason why im not completely happy...and i have no clue what it is.

The bi-polar war has started again.



I'm abit lonely too I guess.



Loki works the nightshift now (again) this time it could last anywhere between 1 and 10 weeks.



He leaves for work at 4 pm. works from 6 pm till 6 am. 12 hours a day for 7 days a week.

ALLLLL night. Comes home soo damn tired, passes out, wakes up and goes right back to work. If Im lucky, I may get to see him for anywhere between 30 minutes to an hour and a half during the day...depends on how long he sleeps.



I refuse to have a social life around this town. As everyone I know here is from my past..and thats the way I prefer to keep them...in my past.

Hell, hardly any of the people I used to know or hang out with even know I'm back from California. I'm keeping low-key so as to not have any old/bad habits pop up again. Most people I knew were bad habits.



Besides everyone I knew were guys...I never hang out with females....so I certainly cannot have any friends or old friends come visit and bullshit with me and keep me company while he's working. I wouldnt want to anyways.



I refuse to do anything that would put any stress on our relationship. And if that means giving up any friends or hanging out..the so be it.

Obviously im willing to do anything for Loki.





Anyhoo...sooo the stress from moving, stress from being in a new unfamiliar place, stress of how things will work out, stress over the baby plus not knowing if its a boy or girl...stress from NOT being 100% comfortable or satisfied, and maybe even stress from uncertainty about being in this type of "serious" relationship...its all adding up and piling on me fast.



I'm miserable here, yet at the same time, I'm happy and got what I wanted.

This is such a huge up and down for me its driving me insane.



PLUS since we've been here... I have NOT had a decent night sleep what so ever.

I cant sleep good when and if I do go to sleep.

Thats wearing me out mentally and physically.

Apparently the insomnia is sneaking in again. And there i was thinking I had it all under control awhile back..guess i was wrong.



well anyways...yeah we have a new place now!

I honestly am excited about it. I honestly do like it here. Its just still unfamiliar and thats what I dont like.

Updates
07:14 Apr 25 2007
Times Read: 735




Well, I went back for a 2nd ultrasound. Unfortunately I get ONLY 2.



The first round, the woman said "ohhh, I see something poking up thats NOT the ambilical cord...I cant give an exact answer, but...my personal opinion is 80% boy"



Ok cool.... so we're getting a boy! yay us!



THEN...I go back to the same woman for the 2nd ultrasound.... and I get...



"Ohh well, I don't see anything, so I'd say its a girl"



WHAT A DUMBASS BITCH!!!! FUCK! I should have went to someone who knows what the fuck they are doing!



And not to mention...this stupid ass woman like seriously bitched at me the entire time of the ultrasound because I didnt drink enough water to fill my bladder and damn near piss on myself when she pushed down on my tummy for 15 freakin minutes. (yeah it makes it easier for them to run the ultrasound with a full bladder...but come on...dont need to bitch about it for 15 minutes straight!)





SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO







freakin needless to say I'm rounding 6 months and STILL dont know if we're having a boy or girl.



I NEED to know. With 4 months left, I have to buy shit for the baby! and I refuse to settle for "mutual" colors, and girl toys for a boy and boy toys for a girl..and that big mess.





SO, I found a place near here that does 3d and 4d prenatal pics, that shows detail and layout and skintone of baby etc etc



Im gonna have to pay for it out of pocket..but so be it..at least I'll know boy or girl AND see what he/she looks like before i have the baby.

Smack
19:59 Apr 04 2007
Times Read: 754

...................................................................................................Lately, I've had the most miserable time having to deal with some completely stupid bitch on here.

I mean seriously....she obviously has an EGO way beyond what she herself, as a person, is worth.. just because she does a little of her own work on her profile...(but yet..doesnt quite abit of people on here portray their own work with their profile) but that doesnt mean that shes any better than anyone else.



Her problem is that she judges with this EGO of hers. Obviously she doesnt realize that everyone who does these profiles has their own taste, and their own views on layouts and such.



Now.. her rating her own honest rate is one thing... but for her to have the audacity to completely insult other people because she thinks they dont know jack shit about any coding or html, or any of it is total bullshit on her part.



She preaches that she took her time to learn this coding on her own........SOOOOO THE FUCK WHAT?!?!? SO DID I !!! I stayed up for 3 days straight learning this shit on my own..with no help. What the fuck is your point bitch?!?!

Ohhhhh your a big badass now cause u learned the shit on your own.... and now your better than everyone else.....PFFFTTTT



That tells me what kind of person this bitch is.

Extremely egotistical. For the fact that she obviously thinks that she's all-mighty and great with her work..and that no one else knows how to do any of it. Which is total bullshit.



But when, in fact, her profile at the moment looks like SHIT considering you can hardly read any of the text she has on there..its all small and blurry.



I got a kick out of one of her journals too....

was something along the lines of her bitching because the portfolios were changed and the coding doesnt work right...

but in the midst of it all.. she manages to make a statement of "just look at my profile"

Like its the greatest thing that ever graced this earth.



EGO runs big in shallow judgemental people like her.



way to go xxxCXVxxx! You've proven your ego.

---

I mean honestly..I got sick and tired of her being a stupid cunt about it.



She judged my profile..ok..thats fine and dandy.



But the audacity to say I didnt put any time and effort into it was completely fucked up. Nothing on my profiles are ever just strewed together...it is all stratigically placed.

I use photoshop...no Im not fucking SLOW with it (u stupid bitch) But I do take my time..and I create my backgrounds, and personally edit all the photos and pictures...



and I am damn proud of my work.



Sorry if I dont have the same style as the all-mighty xxxCXVxxx does...but If I had her style anyways..I'd have to ponder suicide on a daily basis. hahahahhahahahaha I mean it's not like Im trying to be some vampire-wannabe anyways.



Point being...I've changed my profile layouts a million times since I've been here on VR.

I've done a shitload of work for each and every one of them.



If she wants to judge on one..so be it.



But I'm NOT some whelp or new member on here.... dont EVER fucking tell me I dont put any time or effort into this shit.

Waiting:::
20:05 Apr 02 2007
Times Read: 759

Im soooo ready for this pregnancy shit to be OOOOVER



Loki has been ready for the baby to get here...me as well... I'm just sick of getting kicked alot. lol



Im constantly tired, worn out, and have no energy, no matter how much sleep I get, or even laying in bed Im still worn out...before I get up and move Im ready to sleep again. It sucks.







I go 4/4/07 for my next ultrasound. Couldnt tell last time if boy/girl...but its been over a month now and Im hoping we can tell this time.

Its driving me insane..Im ready to know.

DAMNIT I MISSED MY APT..HAD TO RE-SCHED. :(((

Ready to know, ready to deliver, ready to fucking get this shit over with!!!!





Anyways..I thought Loki was adorable the other day....

He was thinking soo hard on TATTOOS for the baby...he's got them planned out.

If its a boy he'll get a nice devil or jester head or something on his chest....and if its a girl he's gonna get an entire chest piece done and have the babys name on it.