2013 Thus Far
04:30 Aug 27 2013
Times Read: 564
I'm not typically one to "spill the beans" about all the intricate details in my personal life to everyone because to a large extent I generally value my privacy, and reserve certain information to only those I'm closest with. However, this year has brought about changes that I just feel an urge to write about.
I've been slow to update my profile and portfolio to reflect these changes, so certain things may come as a shock to some people, but my truest of friends on here already know what's what.
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New Year's Day was overall somber for me, but I'd finally made a New Year's resolution to quit putting up with all the shit I'd been dealing with in my 5 and a half year relationship with my former fiancee even if it led to the demise of our relationship (and honestly, I knew it probably would.) He was the only person I ever envisioned myself spending the rest of my life with, and I whole-heartedly believed in the relationship to the point I literally couldn't picture it ever being any other way. We finally split for good on April 6, though between the beginning of the year and up until that day there was a lot of back and forth, animosity, reconciliation, etc... Then I guess I'd just finally had enough of his shit and realized he would always be that way.
Many people couldn't even believe we split at first; relatives have told me, "I was so committed to that relationship I should have been committed." Needless to say, I surprised the hell out of myself by leaving him.
I've been single ever since then (and no, I'm not looking.) For the first time in a long time I finally have the chance to live my life for myself again. Besides, I've never been the type of person to be with someone just for the sake of having a relationship; if I'm with someone it's because I genuinely care about the person and WANT to be with them, not NEED to be with them.
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The other surprising change to come about in my life this year was back in March when I decided to start going to church. I'd never followed any organized religion my entire life, wasn't even taught any by parental figures. However, since March I've been an avid church goer (and Bible reader) and I believe it's helped me. I have years upon years of damage to reverse to even attempt to restore my faith in anything, but it's a process. I still enjoy learning about other religions, faiths, and belief systems and I'll never condemn anyone for their own, so don't do it to me.
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Also, in March I quit seeing my shrink because for about 6 years I'd sit in his waiting room for about 45 minutes to an hour each time only for a 15 minute appointment. I'm sorry, but that's bullshit, and not even I'm THAT patient. So, this makes the first time in 14 years I've gone without a psychiatrist.
Who knows, maybe I was just in a bitchy mood from being up all night the night before trying to get all the smoke out of the house. Haha, don't ask.
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Have you ever had one of those WTF? moments when an old friend you've not spoken to in over a year (or longer) shows up at your door out of nowhere wanting to make amends?
Hmmmm, that happened to me the week before last.
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I suppose I could keep writing, but I'm stopping at least for now. In summary, I've learned more than I was expecting to this year.....mostly about myself. It's been interesting. Now I'm just wondering what next year will bring.
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