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Went to Haven last night, which is a little club me and Rayn like to visit on tuesday nights. Was good, lots of dancing was accomplished... At least until my right knee started yelling at me in a "FUCK YOU!" kinda way o.o

That was a new kind of pain for me that I was not used to, so i ended up sitting down for most oft he last hour.. then 2 awesome songs came on and I HAD to dance....and my knee started making my leg wobble, to the point I think if i had stayed one more song after that my leg woulda collapsed out from under me.



but, we went home... and my vampire side took over when I got home. I went to sleep around 3-ish.. and didn't wake up til 1am... and I'm still tired, but I can't afford to sleep the entire day away cause it'll screw up my sleeping pattern and then I'll never be able to get up at god awful early in the morning for work. weee

So, it got cold not to long ago. It's expected though. i live in the north and fall is here.

But, when I closed the windows I started feeling like crap. At first I thought it was a cold, but it didn't feel like a cold. Now I know what it is. It's a combination of the ozone from the airtower I have that pulls the dust out of the air... and the house itself.



This house is made of horsehair plaster. It's falling apart in some sections, so there's crumbling plaster right there to see. Dust accumulates like nothing....



I just can't breathe anymore. And if I keep the tower off for too long, the dust will clog my sinuses and I won't be able to breathe that way. And if it's on too long.. ozone builds up and i wake up at 3am gasping for air and I have to claw at my side table for my inhaler.



This is so frustrating. I miss living in either newer houses or houses with central air, so anything in the air gets filtered out and I can breathe.



Air is not an optional thing. I need it damn it.

I wish I had somewhere else to go, even a friends house for a few hours, just so I don't need my inhaler every 3 hours.

So, I guess i have a cold.. but it's the weirdest thing. I'm not stuffy. I can breathe better than before, but I woke up with a headache, and I feel.. bleh.. not like..super sick.. just the general feeling of not feeling right.



So.. weird cold...if it's a cold..



So, I took what was left of the nyquil. Not even a full children's dose, which was like half the little cup. What was left came in just under that. But I took it anyway in the hopes my headache will at least go away





Oh god.. I also found a new song to be addicted to. I tend to find songs, even if they came out a year before, and if I like them I listen to them on repeat for hours......Yeah....



but it's a good song, so I'll post two links here. The first link will be where I first heard the song, and the second will be the whole thing.



https://www.youtube.com/user/KiaMotorsAmerica?v=4zJWA3Vo6TU&feature=pyv&cid=sem&ppc=y





https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQ6zr6kCPj8&ob=av3e



enjoy.. if you like such things.



:goes to listen to song and tries to Will whatever this cold thing is to death:

So, I'm stressed out, forgot to get that thing I need called air... BUT!!!



Possibly could have a new job soon. I might be working in the same place as Rayn. If I get the job I'll actually get more hours than 4 a week!!!



Excited, but stressed. The interview jacked up my heart rate and I guess it caused adrenaline to go. So now I'm wide awake (only got 4 hours sleep), and my body forgets to inhale. So, I have to force myself to do that, and relax. But I'm home, and if the interview went well I might have a new job WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE



I'm gonna go relax now before I pass out from lack of oxygen. @.@

We were in chorus class. it was first period. We were suddenly told we weren't changing our classes, and everyone was to stay put. Well, we didn't question it, and our teachers allowed us to exchange into the rooms next door, because choir was right next to the band room, and the band room could hold more of us. So, some of us exchanged, and I was in the band room with a few other people from choir.







Then the PA buzzed and the principal came on. He didn't say much. All I can remember was that the principal was saying something bad had happened. Some kind of accident or something in new york. I didn't get it at that point and I got confused and I asked "But...it's in new york....why is it affecting us..here?"







I went to Laurel High, in Maryland at the time. about 20 minutes from D.C.







After that announcement rumors started flying. I heard kids whispering fiercely, and some other kids came in from other classrooms down the hall. That was the first time I heard.."it might have been a terrorist"



I know I didn't understand what a terrorist truly was at that point. I knew, but it was something that didn't hit us.







It wasn't til near lunchtime, and what was supposed to be third period when they let us switch classes. Even more rumors were flying, but only in whispers.Always whispers...I never heard much, and I was getting more confused cause the teachers were keeping us from knowing, and I wanted to know what was going on. I wanted to understand why today was different. I wanted to know why I started feeling a tingling sensation up my skin from all the palpable tension filling the air. Everyone was nervous, the teachers more so than the students. I focused on my third period teacher. We were so close to the main office, and news was there, but I never got to hear.







Eventually our very nervous teacher got another update from another nervous student at the door. All we heard was pentagon. That was enough. Nerves got tighter in that science room. I remember focusing and looking out the window, looking at science projects.. Familiar objects I had seen every day before started getting clearer, the day seemed inescapably bright and pretty out that window.



A girl in my class then broke down and started crying, and wouldn't be calmed at all. Her mother was working in the Pentagon that day. She was taken out of the office, and escorted to someplace quieter.







Finally, the PA came back on and we heard we were all being sent home, and when the bell rang, we went to get our things, and we went outside to wait for the buses which took a long time to get there. One or two would roll in, then 15 mins would pass til the next bus showed up.







My friends and I waited in our usual spot, by some metal poles with chain strung together. There we waited....And one of my friends, he started making jokes, about maybe they would blow up and nuke the school. I stopped talking with others, I walked over to him, and I slugged him in the upper arm. I then told him "You shut the hell up. You're gonna scare others you idiot." He tried making another joke,I gave a fake smile, but I made it clear I wouldn't indulge that talk.







I then went to be by myself and I just leaned against one of those metal poles. I stared at the flag pole and watched the early morning light. It was so bright.







Finally, the bus picked us up, and I don't remember the ride home. I just got off the bus and hiked to my house as fast as I could. I unlocked the door and the house was almost dead quiet. Mom wasn't home. I walked into the dining room and saw a post-it note stuck to the TV. It was from my step-dad, letting us know he was ok, but he had been called in. He was a National Guard member. He went to the Pentagon.







I lifted up the remote that was left on the kitchen table, and removed the note from the tv. I turned it on...and just sat down as I watched a replay of the tower collapsing. I just stared the rest of that morning at CNN...and that tower falling over and over and over.....







And mom found me sitting in that chair when she got home just a bit later. I pointed at the tv and handed her the note.







and the towers fell......

So, I've been reading the Sanguinomicon and it hits a lot of marks that are true for me. I understand what it's talking about. In fact a lot of it I already knew from an early age. But my question is am I classified as a vampire...or something else....

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm a Goddess in disguise. This is just a shell, and when I'm done with living, I'll cast it aside and go back to being what I truly am.

But, the shell, the flesh... That's not a Goddess. ..And It's not ordinary either. So, am I a vampire as well, or can I just do everything a vampire can do and maybe a bit more?



Not entirely sure what I'd be classified as.

Well, some could call me insane, but I'm not.

I'm just me. And I can tap into some pretty weird stuff. I'm just not entirely sure what it is i'm doing half the time.



You know how people who have experience tell you "Don't try this yet, you're not at that level yet, and you could possibly hurt yourself."



See, i'd say that to people myself, at the same time as part of me has no clue what I'm doing, and the other part runs on a weird metaphysical muscle memory and I can do things that make other practitioners stop and go..."how the hell...You're not supposed to be able to even DO that yet...."



So, do I just go around classifying myself as a Goddess... or a vampire..or a witch.....



Or do I even need a definition?



Buh. I wish I had answers. This whole, knowing but not knowing thing is annnoying

Not much going on today. Checked the facebook, checked here, checked the mail..blah mostly junk mail.

No work today and won't have any work til saturday unless they call me in.



I'm also an icecube. Once it drops below like 80 degrees i'm freezing. So, going to hide under some blankets, put in some sappy girly movies where everyone has a hectic life but they're happy( Maybe My big Fat Greek Wedding), and play Terraria.



Buh. I wish this town had things to do. There's not even a good bookstore to go buy a new book from.

It's just...empty.

I feel like rapunzel. The universe won't let me leave my tower.



I was going to hang out with a bunch of my friends today at a "geek" party. I had my games and dice all set to go, then my ride texts me to say "i can't go the car died. Sorry"





I hate this. Half the friends I could walk to, don't even really acknowledge I'm trying to get ahold of them to hang out. My other friends I do spend time with I only get to see on rare occasions cause they're fairly busy. I only have one friend I see on a regular basis, but even then it's usually only while she's out doing errands, like shopping.



I want to go out and have fun with people. I want to leave my ivory tower. I WANT TO LIVE GOD DAMN IT!



So, why is the universe so insistent on keeping me inside. What will happen to me if I leave? I mean, life can and does happen, the bad and good. But I can't have the good either if I'm always inside.



I can't get enough hours at work to afford a car, I need a car to get to the places that would hire me with my new degree, and it seems that I'm being left alone and everyone is moving on and away from me.



:sigh: I don't WANT to have a prince come to save me, but apparently I still need one....God damn the universe putting me in a stereotype.

So, I had another dream with the guy I always keep seeing. This time it was a waking dream cause I was aware that it was a dream and I kept trying to keep it going cause this guy makes me feel better. There's a connection there with him I cant get from anyone else. It's sad I only see him in my dreams though.



I was talking to him this time, the background theme of the dream was based in the "song of ice and fire" world. and it kept playing in the background. But I was walking with him through a country side and talking. I explained why I felt so lonely, and I told him he was only a dream, but I wish he could be real and see me in person. I need a person like him.



He was taking on the face of Jon Snow this time around. He always takes on a different face, but his hair and eyes are always the same. Black hair, blue eyes.



I don't know what to make of him. He protects me, guards me, is always there for me if I truly need him. But, he won't let me touch him, he won't get involved with me. I don't know why, he wants to..I can sense that..But it's like something keeps stopping him. Every time he would try, something in the dream shifts and causes us to be pulled apart.



This is such a tease. He's a solid match, something I don't think I could do without, and the closer he is to me in the dream the more whole I feel.



But he's the ultimate tease...



I always wake up