You know what? I'M putting it out there publicly. YOU HAVE NO POWER OVER ME.11:12 Sep 10 2017
Times Read: 303
I've had to learn something very early in life that most people never do, and that thing is to not give a FUCK what people think of me. So, to kick this off, let's start with the fact that this is why I'm "not good enough." But to show you why that hurts, I'm going to tell you a story. Ready?
Once upon a time there was a little girl. She was seven. She lived at home with her family like most little girls do, except her mother was a disabled person. (Thank you drunk drivers)
Her father, was a workaholic and she barely knew him. Then, one day, the little girl's mother died. Her father spent two months in mourning before he got back to dating. The new girlfriend soon became the new wife. Happy, right? WRONG.
The new wife beat, burned, sexually violated and starved the little girl. Her life was filled with a fear you will never understand. This little girl grew up to date monsters just like her father's second wife, only, these monsters were men. One even brutally anal raped her just to hear her scream in pain.
One day she met a young man who took the very breath from her chest. They married three months later, with their first child on the way. She was nineteen. He beat her. My god, did he beat her. He raped her once, after a fight. Then came the day he took to her with his steel capped boots. He kicked four of her top teeth out, amidst the brutal beating he gave her with them. She had not yet learned how to care for the empty sockets, so they got infected. The infection spread throughout most of her jaw. She had to have a lot of her teeth removed.
She stopped brushing the rest of them. What was the point, she was hideous now anyway, and he never forgot to tell her that no one else would ever want her now. He told her so often, in fact, that she began to believe every word. Eventually the day came when another infection spread through her jaw.
She had most of the rest of her teeth removed to save her life.
Since she walked out on her husband she has had two of the six teeth she was left with removed. And soon, there will be none.
This little girl is now thirty years old. This little girl is STILL reminded every day that, because of what was done to her, no one she can actually be with will ever want or love her.
This little girl hates him even more because he's right.
This little girl, this young woman who has survived horrors others put in books and on film, has fought battles she never thought she could win, this little girl, is still a good person in spite of it all. This little girl grows weary of breaking herself down whenever someone reminds her her husband was right.
This little girl............is me.
*Adlib:
Just wanted to add that four of the seven children we got pregnant with are alive and well, including our eldest. The incident happened a month after she was born by c-section.
COMMENTS
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FeverDreams
11:30 Sep 10 2017
"A rose by any other name would smell as sweet"
Teeth or no teeth ... beauty of the heart remains true.
You are brave and beautiful. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
LuvlySwan86
11:43 Sep 10 2017
I wish I were capable of making myself feel like that were true.
But thank you so much for trying.