The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

https://youtu.be/8bPc9xW_eDU



You're welcome.



Tim Minchin, the good book.

I knew I felt strange when I woke up this afternoon. It took a lot out of me, discussing my childhood yesterday. It always does.

That, everything that's going on with my ex husband, missing my children, wanting DD and never being called back by someone I've known for FOUR YEARS after I slept with him, which I've done before, and finally, about 20 minutes ago everything switched off.

I wonder if any of you have been dissociative?

It's delightful, but not very useful. I literally have no emotions right now. I'd say it's like being robotic, but it's not really. I have learned to identify when it's happening, and that something's not right. So I'm not completely blank, now am I?

It's more like.....I don't really know how to describe it. It's like being numb I guess. But on the inside. One thing I do feel is tired.

I've been talking for the past two hours about my pitiful excuse for a father, the sociopathic narcissist I used to call a brother and my "father"s second wife. And my childhood.

And the reasons why it's been so easy for abusive bastards to lull me back into the stockholm syndrome I suffered as a child when wife two left.

And again in my teens, and again when I married.

You see, I'm not entirely "hinged". But I have good reason for that. Like everyone else in the world who wasn't born today, I have a past.

I wish I could say it was pleasant, and filled my heart with the sunshine I see in the souls of others. But this would be a lie, and I'm no liar.



No, mine is darker than most could fathom, and I'm only addressing my preteens when I say so.

Monsters are real people, and they look just like you and I. They aren't hiding under beds, they are walking among us. And the harm they cause can turn young, fragile minds into adult, very broken ones. Ones that aren't fixable.



You see, the worst part of surviving one of these monsters is that it makes you so utterly hard to love. And believe it or not, that's all some broken minds need. To NOT be abandoned. To have someone care for them in ways no one else ever did. To be loved as hard as they love others.

But herein lies the issue.

That takes the average human being time. And the people with these minds are not hard to love in time, they are hard to love immediately.

And so people leave them.

And the cycle goes on.



Breaking these people more and more with each goodbye. And inevitably, the monsters win.

Nothing's really changed, I'm just leveling out emotionally.



I've chosen to be happy, and since my little shopping spree, I kind of feel it.

COMMENTS

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PorcelainLavender
01:20 Nov 02 2016

You deserve to feel happiness Ms. Luvly, never forget that!

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