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My birthday has always been a celebration of yay you dont have a father. Its a slapin the face saying he aint gonna call this year. hasnt called since you were ten.and a reminder that i havent seen him since i was four. Mabey this year, mabey this year i'll get a call. Mabey mom wont forget this year. she forgot last year. She left in the morning without even saying anything. P*** did it to. they both hated me last year. wonder whats gonna hapen this year. Mabey everyone will forget. they did that last year too.

but w/e fine. I could say more but never mind.



-baby fangs

I looked straight into his hate filed eyes. He had hated me ever since I beat up his stupid girlfriend. that was 2 years ago. alot has changed since then. But today he wanted to hurt me soo bad. He knew i was going back into depression. so naturaly the strong attack the weak. He looked me in the eyes and called me white trash. I felt my walls inside crumble. normaly i would laugh at that. but not today. Technically it wasnt true. Then Deigo said "dude she's a white mexican, didnt you know that?" and then he looked at me with a sick grin. He called me a Spic. I wanted to cry. Instead i felt my hand tighten. I was gonna hit him. I was gonna beat him till his blood coverd the street. beat him dead. but i didnt. I turned to walk away and he said "Tonight we finish this spic, tongiht we fight." I looked at him and said "tonight i'll kill you". but i didnt. we faught thats it.

Dear someone,



The screaming, it happened again. it'll never stop. She was crying so i didnt say i told you so. But i was thinking it. So now im gonna say it;

I TOLD YOU SO! I TOLD YOU ALL ALONG IT WOULD NEVER CHANGE! YOU TOLD ME TO FUCK OFF AND THAT IT WAS MY FAULT THAT IT

WAS NEVER GOING TO CHANGE BUT WAS IT? NO! ITS HIS FAULT NOT MINE! HE DOSNT LOVE YOU WHY CANT YOU SEE THAT.



I remember last time they had that really big fight. I came upstairs. He was screaming at her to SHUT THE FUCK UP!. she was crying. she was on the ground.

but he hadnt hit her. she just couldnt stand. I walked into my room and turned the music up really loud. I was shaking. I could still hear them. It wasnt worth blowing my speakers.

I flung open the door and told him to go away. that he had made his point and to go away. He wouldnt scream at me. not then. He looked down at her in discust. She was still on the floor.

It looked like she was begging. but i knew she wasnt. I glared at him as he trned away. She started crying out " I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU! DONT YOU LOVE ME! I LOVE YOU!" I started to shake again.

She had always been so strong. She was always my protector. He stormed back up the stair and started screaming again! I screamed at him that the conversation was over and he had to leave. He glared. Oh he hated me then.

I waited for him to get his breakfast and put his boots on. I went over to her. Her crumpled figure on the floor. I wraped my arms around her. but she pushed me away. She said its fine, go away. I wanted to scream at her.

Why could only he comfort her. Why couldnt I. we had been through so much more. Yet she loves him. I hate love. It makes you blind to those who truely care about you.

I went into my room and got dressed. By the time i was done I realized that they were down stair screaming again. I came into the front room and told him to go away. to go to work and go far away. I felt small and scared. I felt like a child.

They wouldnt listen, they just kept screaming. I looked at the glass door behind her. I bawled up my fist and went straight through it. That got their attention. I walked away. I walked to the back of the house and wraped my arms around the dog.

He made me feel better. just a bit. And then it was all over. the screaming stop. The doors had finaly slamed for the last time. It was quiet. It was all over now.



That just reminded me off one of the sadest things of my life. I had to go talk to the police over spring break (i was in grade 9 and had been in some trouble). And when my mom was driving me to the police station she said;

"If they ask about your home life, just say its all okay.", "If they ask about mine and P***'s relationship, just say that its just fine."......My mom had me lie to the cops. I couldnt tell weither she just didnt want to have to deal with the cops. or weither it was still

in her mind that we had a perfect house hold. She knew we didnt. She knew even befor i started hurting my self. Befor the Tylonal bottles started venturing into my room. Befor the shrink screamed at her that she was a bad mother. She knew. But to her

everything was perfect. and if it wasnt it would be.when she was done....



Im sorry i will have to finish this some other time. Im shaking to bad to type.

They're fighting again. I can hear them. Its too early fo this. To early for me to say i told you so. She thought he would change. But i know he wont. he never dose...Im restarting soon. really soon. hopefully.

Im sick again, i had to get more blood tests. Theres some days when i think they dont know whats wrong with me. This virus has been attacking me since i was little. I want it to go away...i want it all to go away.

My Demon, said that he would give up his own health to make me healthy. I got angrey at him. I told him to fuck off. I cant deal with people telling me things like that. cuz they really wouldnt if it came down to it. Its imposible, its like raising someones hopes for nothing. Im gonna go for now. im sure i'll be back later.

I bit some one yesterday. I left marks but i didnt make him bleed. He cried out in a mixture of erotic pain and plessure. I still am new at this. next time i'll make him bleed...next time...



-Baby Fangs