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I wonder how long im going to be waiting for the perfect man. How long its going to be till I am swept up off my feet. I don’t know, mabey the perfect man, the perfect life, mabey its all not there for me. A soul mate? Don’t belive in them anymore. You’d have to be a hippy or way to into zen and mystical belifs. I am no longer a beliver, it just dosnt make sense to me. There cant be some one out there for everyone, it just dosnt make sense. If there is some one for everyone than why is there so much unhapiness? Why is there so much hate? I don’t belive in god, every one thinks he is amazing, that he is the creator of all things that are beautiful. Creator of humans, and emotions. But god is more like a scientist, with a flawed experiement that refuses to go away. He started with the basics, Male and Female, then he needed to figure out how we could we could reproduce without his help. He created sex. Then he created the world and put us there but he forgot about love. About happiness. He left us to creat emotions for our self, to find our own cures for heart break. There is a flaw in every system, especialy this one.



Mabey I should just stop moping around and pick my self up and go on, there is so much more to live for. But I have to admit I am scared, no one wants to be alone. You think I would have been use to it by now. Use to picking my self up and moving on. Use to doing everything by my self. But im not. Im lost, I cant do this anymore by my self. I guess im just stuck in this little cycle of constant let down. Mabey this one will be different. Or mabey it will be like all the others. Mabey this’ll be my fault. Mabey it’ll be his. Could this be just another cycle? Or have I found my Mr.Perfect.



Stay tuned for my next phsycotic episode.