The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Women:



We need = I want

It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now

Do what you want = You'll pay for this later

We need to talk = I need to complain

Sure...go ahead = I don't want you to.

I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron.

You're...so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.

You're certainly attentive tonight. = Is sex all you ever think about?

I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I have PMS.



Be romantic, turn out the lights. = I have flabby thighs.

This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.

I want new curtains = and carpeting, furniture, wallpaper...

Hang the picture there = No, I mean hang it there!

I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.

Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.

How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like...



I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.

Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.

You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.

Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, your dead.]

Yes = No

No = No

Maybe = No

I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry.

Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get get used to it.

I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.





In answer to the question "What's wrong?"



The same old thing. = Nothing.

Nothing. = Everything.

Everything. = My PMS is acting up.

Nothing, really. = It's just that you're such a jerk.

I don't want to talk about it. = Go away, I'm still building up evidence against you.



Men:



1. I am hungry = I am hungry

2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy

3. I am tired = I am tired

4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

5. I love you = Let's have sex now

6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?

7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.

8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.

9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.

10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.

11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay.