you drove me to it .............15:09 Jun 18 2007
Times Read: 676
I wasnt suprised to see him standing there, his robes reflecting the moons pale light.." you took your time " i almost screamed the words at him, he looked at me and beckoned to me his skeletal hand cold to the touch .
I let him guide me into the approaching mist toward a boat that glided serenely towards us , looking into the dark recess of his hood I smiled " so this is it huh.. the end!!! " he looked at me then, regarding me closely then he laughed loud and gutteral no answer to my rhetorical question then slowly and quietly he began to explain normally he had to drag the others kicking screaming begging pleading and praying all the way to the ferry, the journey to the other side didnt take long but it gave the boats occupants time to reflect and assess what went wrong.
I sat back taking in the information letting it wash over me like the water over a smooth pebble and looked down at my hands.. turning to face him i asked.."There was no white light, no tunnel , no loving person to guide me.. am i to presume then i have a place reserved for me in another place?. i mean im not suprised if i have i came prepared i even brought a penny for the ferry crossing , i guess its just the realiastion kicking in " my sentance trailed off he wasnt listening he didnt care
" i dont suppose you fancy a game of chess do you" i asked brightly of my host.. i then felt his cold bony fingers close over my shoulder by way of comfort like he sensed i needed to say more.. " " what if i appologised" i reasoned into thin air " what if i accepted responibility for my actions, all the wrong doing all the hate all the anger , said im sorry to all the people i hurt the most.. the one i hurt the most what if i begged forgiveness got absolution from the one i did the most harm to would it matter??? would it change my fate??"
He shook his head sadly, slowly then motioned to some paper on the seat infront of me.. " feel free to write it down , get it all out child begging, pleading, bargaining and praying never work but at least you will be occupied for the duration of the voyage."
I scribbled furiously onto the paper listing things i needed absolution for confessing to my invisible priest then it struck me like a lightening bolt.. a letter, I should write a letter to theonly person who can help me, the only one who had the power to forgive me and get my mortal ass out of here.. writing madley words filled the page untill i felt again that cold hand notifying me time was up ( the irony) .
I handed him my papers and paced back and forth that little wooden craft as he sat back to read..........................
" Im writing this letter to you in my hour of need, praying you wont turn your back on me and will understand that my heart is heavy with regret so much so it brings me to beg for your forgiveness, firstly i want to say im sorry for everything i ever did that caused you shame, pain, hurt, shock, worry , embarrassement or disappiontment. I know i was never an ideal person hell i wouldnt even consider my self a good person but i never even comtemplated that i could be moraly bankrupt untill now.
Im sorry for disrespecting the ones that meant the most to you and for driving all the people close to you away. Im sorry i wasnt fast enough, smart enough, good enough. Im sorry i wasnt a better wife, daughter, sister, lover, friend and for all the times i let you down, made you cry, made you doubt yourself and ultimatley refused to believe in you.
Im sorry i pushed too hard, always questioning, always doubting,always being too hard on you .. never giving you the oportunity to rest and have peace i always stirred up inner conflict played the devils advocate and drive the very essense of you to the brink, even then you refused to give up on me would not abandon me to my own personal hell untill i commited my final sin.
I took the knife and slay my enemy, plunged in my dagger untill the blood was on my hands, darkening my clothes, pooling around me clouding my vision untill i felt nothing and my whole world folded in upon its self.
And now even though i abandoned you when you needed me the most , I stand before you broken and destroyed and ask that you find it within yourself to forgive me and save me before i unravel and lose myself in the darkness"
As he stood he told me it was time to go" before you leave child, tell me who is this letter to?" I hopped onto the bank surveying the stark surroundings and peered into the gloom " its to myself , i wrote the letter to myself " I looked down at my blooded hands studying them, tracing a finger across the oozing scar of one wrist regarding the lifes blood seeping from the cuts, the crimson regret that stained the pagesof my letter indicating to him the enemy i had slain was me.
He held out his frigid digits and i placed my coin in his palm. all at once he shrank away from me gliding silently across the unseen ocean, i was stranded on the bank unsure of where to turn as the silent dark crowded round me , then it started a low hum at first then a high pitched screech vibrating through the ground slowing into intermitent blips before evening out into a continuos pitch once more then a voice muffled like it was under water shouted clear as pain tore through me, i sank to my knees waiting for the final blow as a bright light enveloped me and my body went numb... death waved to me from a distant shore as a voice announced.. " she's back"
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